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Posts by mstratton08
Joined: Nov 29, 2008
Last Post: Nov 29, 2008
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mstratton08   
Nov 29, 2008
Undergraduate / "a world filled with materialistic propaganda" - UC Prompt 1 [NEW]

I'd really appreciate any feedback! Thanks a lot! I'll post the prompt in bold, as well as my essay
Describe the world you come from -for example, your family, community or school -and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

In a world filled with materialistic propaganda, things like television and the internet rule over the average teenager's mind. In today's world, we are easily influenced by the celebrities of our time. Although the media's existence has been an influential factor in my generation, it is not the Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans that have impacted my dreams the most. I have been fortunate enough to be influenced by my family and school community.

My family has always remained a constant part of my life. All of my fondest memories have involved all the members of my family: my mother, father, and four younger sisters, ages fifteen, fourteen, seven, and four. Throughout my life, my parents have always instilled a strong sense of unity between myself and sisters. Being the oldest, I became their second mother when my parents were away. By caring for my younger sisters, I now strive to help people as a career, especially children.

The main event that has shaped my career path occurred on July 4th, 2005. While others celebrated America's independence, my mother and father were on their way to the hospital with my sister, who was twelve at the time. She was later diagnosed with a rare blood disease called hemophagocytic lymphohistiocytosis that was triggered through a case of mononucleosis. Her doctor, Dr. Loh, was so puzzled at how rare it was, yet he worked around the clock to ensure that her health would be restored. With their help, she made a full recovery and has been in remission since. By watching her doctor's dedication, it inspired me to help out other children by one day becoming a pediatrician. The rarity of her disease has also inspired me to consider a career as a research scientist as well.

As the first member of my family to go to college, I am thankful to have the opportunity to impact my future from an educational standpoint. At UCSD, I feel that my interest in science will be met with their rigorous science education programs available. Although becoming a doctor requires dedication, perseverance, and knowledge, at UCSD, I will be challenged to find the appropriate solution to any problem, will be met by a welcoming staff and student body, and find the support necessary to achieve a career in the medical or science field.

Because I saw how Dr. Loh impacted my sister's life, I firmly believe that one person can make a difference: both globally and locally. At UCSD, I will be able to help those less fortunate than myself by being a member of community volunteer clubs, as well as studying abroad. Through studying abroad, I will not only gain an interest and understanding for a different culture, but also be able to help their local community at the same time. As a well-rounded, intelligent young woman with a friendly personality, UCSD will be able to provide for every aspect of my life, whether it be from a career or social standpoint.
mstratton08   
Nov 29, 2008
Undergraduate / My older sister and her impact on my life - essay [4]

it's a good start
maybe you should pinpoint a time where she helped you out in a time of need
perhaps more details, and less generalizations???
that's all i can think of so far...

-miranda
mstratton08   
Nov 29, 2008
Undergraduate / "all the world's a stage" UC Prompt 2 essays [NEW]

I've been having a really hard time conveying my love of acting and how I get to be a different person in this essay, especially with a conclusion. I have an essay under it that I wrote for Cal Lutheran University. I didn't really want to use it, but if you feel that it's more appropriate than the first, PLEASE let me know! Any feedback is appreciated! =]

Prompt:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?


Behind the curtain, I am a bubbly, energetic, worrisome seventeen year-old teenager, who strives to perfect the imperfections of my everyday life. Behind the curtain, my nerves get the best of me: my heartbeat accelerates and palms sweat as I listen intently for my cue. Once I walk onstage, I have been reborn into a new character with different motives than my own. The overhead lights, audience, and impending dialogue transform me into a completely different person. Nevertheless, there is still a small sense of me that lives in this new person.

Ever since eighth grade, I have fallen madly in love with acting. One of the many things I love about acting is how it gives you the ability to change into a completely different person than you are in everyday life. In my high school performances, I have become an elf disguised as a little girl, a woman uninterested in a man trying to flirt with her, a "tomboy" clown/sidekick of a whiny hypochondriac prince, and a young teenager growing up in her simple town. Though each role is different, I have able to find something similar in myself and each character I have played, either a personality trait or experience that the character is going through.

Acting is more than just reading some lines in a script. It involves talent, dedication, analyzing, and a bit of imagination. Whenever I am onstage, every action, word, and thought is solely dedicated to my character and enhancing the experience of the audience. Through acting, I can cast all worries off to the side, and relieve myself of any stresses.

Although the reward of a performance well done is usually felt by an audience cheering and applauding, this is not only the joy I feel when I act. By playing a character in any play, I am able to make a playwright's literary work come to life and be appreciated by an audience. Instead of just reading the play, the audience experiences it the way that it was meant to: through a live performance. I also feel proud of my work as an actress when I can touch someone on a personal level. Through acting, all sides of you are shown, and you become vulnerable as you analyze your character. By expressing different sides of me through my character, not only do I face emotions that I would like to remain hidden, members of the audience are touched on an emotional level as well. They feel what my character is feeling -happiness, sadness, anger, vulnerability -and can relate to a time where they felt the same way my character does. Being able to feed off their emotions and touch an audience member emotionally gives me the thrill to act again.

Acting has become as second nature to me as breathing: without it, I cannot survive. I have become addicted to the rush of nervousness and excitement you feel onstage as you play a new character, as well as the joy felt after a performance well done. Acting is something that I will carry on with me through my college career due to my passion and dedication for the stage. It is my own personal escape from the stresses of life, even if only for just a brief amount of time.

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Alternate Essay:

One loses many laughs by not laughing at oneself"- Sara Jeannette Duncan.

Although this may be perceived as a fairly easy action, truly being comfortable with one's self to the point where you can laugh at any mistake you make is probably the most difficult attribute any human being may learn. Throughout my life, I have had personal struggles, where I had to learn to let go and laugh at myself. It was through my love of acting where I was able to conquer my problem head on, and learn that the best solution was to let go and laugh.

One of my most memorable moments as an actress involves playing a character outside of the norm: a "tomboy" clown/sidekick of a whiny hypochondriac prince. In the play entitled The Love of Three Oranges, one problem came about: my character, Truffaldino, was not intended to be played by a woman: this eccentric clown was actually written for a man! However, this hindrance was blown off by the director, where he claimed that Truffaldino did not have to be a man, but rather "he" could have actually been a girl dressed up as a guy. He also pointed out how Shakespearean actors were all men, even those roles that were written as women, and that I would never have another opportunity to play such a fun role. Therefore, this problem was resolved as quickly as it came.

As rehearsals were conducted and junior year school activities came into play, it was difficult for me to relax and let go. At the time, I was stressed out with so many activities: juggling two difficult subjects, AP English and Physics, homework, play practice, and junior class presidency. It was at this time in my life where I felt so overwhelmed that I didn't know how to even start relaxing. Fortunately, as I grew in my character as Truffaldino, it gave me the chance to relax, slow down, and enjoy the funny things that life throws our way.

Not only did my role as Truffaldino allow me to relax from everyday stresses, it also allowed me to not take life so seriously and laugh every once in awhile. By nature, I tend to be a perfectionist, so when I tried to be Truffaldino, it was hard for me to make everything "just right". This truly came about when my character Truffaldino was required to make the prince laugh by "serenading" him with the song "We Will Rock You" by Queen. As I tried to sing the song perfectly, my stage fright reached an all time high, where it was no longer fun to play the clown. At this point, I realized that although there are times to be perfect, this play taught me that it's better to let go, laugh at myself, and have fun.

No matter how difficult, one can endure anything with laughter. Laughter is truly the best medicine: it picks us up when we are down and lifts us up from even the worst moods. Through laughing at myself, I found that I was able to enjoy myself much more than I would have if I remained serious. My role in this comedy taught me to embrace my funny side, laugh at the fun times in life, and help me to grow as a person: not only in a comedic standpoint, but also as a whole.
mstratton08   
Nov 29, 2008
Undergraduate / "Do a good turn daily." - Rutgers Essay [4]

Overall, it's a really good essay. I really enjoyed reading it and felt inspired to get up and volunteer in new ways. I would change these little things:

Fortunately, I chose Sayreville BIC:an association dedicated to helping brain injured children.

I would take out interestingly:
Interestingly, as I worked with this group, I grew out of my shell, gained leadership skills, and became a better individual. I started as a young scout looking for volunteer hours, and I grew up into a young man searching for a project to attain the highly selective rank of Eagle for Boy Scouts.

I'd change "Before, I took for granted my conditions" to "Before volunteering, I took my own healthy conditions for granted" (or you don't have to put in healthy...either way it need to get switched around)

Take out the comma after action in: "For example, clubs like Awareness to Action,..."

I would combine these two sentences- "Also, I could use Rutgers University's study abroad program to take it to a global scale. I could go to an underdeveloped third world country and make the inhabitants lives a better place." into:

Also, I could use Rutgers University's study abroad program to serve on a global scale by going to an underdeveloped third world country and making the inhabitants' lives a better place.

Hope it helps...they're just little stuff here and there, and of course, you don't have to use all of them, but you're essay is really good =]

-Miranda
mstratton08   
Nov 29, 2008
Undergraduate / Addtional Personal Statement (UC)- "my internship at TSRI" [2]

Thanks in advance! Any help will be appreciated, especially with cutting down the word count (currently at 583 and can't be over 550). =] -Miranda

Unless you were directed earlier in the application to clarify or expand on other information (e.g., to list additional names, explain citizenship/visa issues, discuss reasons for applying to EOP, etc.), this section is optional. If you wish, you may use this space to tell us anything else you want us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in the application.

When most people think of high school students having a job, a summer internship at a world-renown research institute is probably the last thing on their mind.

Over the summer, I had the opportunity to work at The Scripps Research Institute through a program called Biocom's Life Sciences Summer Institute. This program gives students who just completed their sophomore or junior year of high school the opportunity to intern at three main San Diego biotechnology research institutes: Burnham Institute for Medical Research, The Salk Institute, or The Scripps Research Institute. Through my six-week internship, I was exposed to the hard work of a research scientist.

Unlike most high school students my age, my summer consisted of working in a molecular biology research laboratory. For my project, my mentor had allowed me to work on a part of her research for a cure for cancer. Over the course of six weeks, I helped to mutate a protein sequence for the insulin-like growth factor 1 receptor, which is known to be present in the genes of cancerous tumors. It felt great to know that I was actually conducting real science experiments and trying to find an answer to an age-old question: What is the cure for cancer?

Before my internship, I knew very little about science outside of the projects and labs that I had done in my high school science classes. However, by the end of my time at The Scripps Research Institute, I had been drawn to the idea and a future career as a research scientist. Although it was difficult at first, I learned to love the unpredictability of science. When my project would not work, I learned to be patient and persevere through experimental failures.

One of the main lessons I learned dealt with failure I experienced in the lab. Whenever an experiment was not successful, my mentor remained optimistic by telling me to start over and helped provide new approaches to the experiment. She taught me that although failure may occur, I needed to pick myself up, remain hopeful, and start over. When I successfully completed my mutation, I felt a type of excitement that was completely indescribable. At that point, I wanted to continue conducting other experiments, but my internship was almost over!

(might cut out this entire paragraph) Throughout my internship, I started questioning if research science was the career I wanted to pursue instead of becoming a pediatrician. Research science, especially in the growing field of biotechnology, helps make a difference in people's lives worldwide by trying to find cures to various diseases, such as cancer and HIV. Because of my exposure to this part of the science community, I have grown a deep love and appreciation for research science. Another question also arose to: what if I became both? There are some doctors who practice on one day and conduct research the next day! Although this seems like a perfect solution, it involves probably more work than choosing between one career and the other.

I really enjoyed working in a research lab this summer as my first job. I am so thankful to have worked at such a famous research institute, as well as learn valuable lessons that can be applied in other parts of my life. Not only did I learn about scientific careers, but I also learned about reasoning, problem solving, and risk taking that I can apply to other aspects of my life. Working at The Scripps Research Institute was such a memorable experience that I will never forget.
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