Undergraduate / 'I worked diligently in school' - Common App Transfer Essay - Education [11]

Haha thanks cabotbp, let me see what I can do.

Undergraduate / 'I worked diligently in school' - Common App Transfer Essay - Education [11]

Corrections:

Valentine's Day, 2007. I sat inside the Miami Jackson Senior High office while my mom turned in all the documents for transferring students.

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Undergraduate / 'My parents will support any decision' - CommonApp Personal Statement [2]

Growing up, I havewas lucky enough to live with both of my parents and my younger sister. My family was from the upper middle class for most of my life, so my parentsthey were able to pay for all of the activities that I wanted to do . In return, my parents have always expected me to do my homework. Theyare always were ready to help me at all times if I needed assistance. They My parents have instilled in me the idea that I should always try my best at everything I do. Therefore I have always strived for good grades, even though I was never explicitlydespite never told that I should be gettingwork for straight A's. I have found that if I only do something halfway, I regret that I didn't try my hardest.

My parents have always told me that they will support any decision I make concerning my future . For example, I have been passionate about the circus arts for several years, and they have told me that they will support me should I choose to go to circus school instead of college.When I shared my passion for circus arts with them, my parents stood behind me, supporting the fact I may choose circus school over college. However, I have decided to gain a college education before deciding what to do with my future. Because I know that my parents will support me no matter what I decide to pursue, I have always felt free to choose whatever path I wish to take .

I enjoy reading how strongly your parents feel about pursuing what you love, but I feel the spirit of the essay is lost in many of the grammatical mistakes.

Undergraduate / 'I am naturally selfish' - college application [6]

Wonderful writing skills! I enjoyed your essay, but would you happen to have a more meaningful experience that contributed to the community? It seems as if the kids were just another thing in your story.

Also, I have been advised not to use contractions in college essays.

Undergraduate / "Look at her; she is the only Chinese." - Common App personal [14]

I still stood by the mirror, trying on all my clothes, and could not decide what to wear for a Passover dinner my Jewish friend Andrew invited me to attend.

I could not decide what to wear for a Passover dinner my Jewish friend Andrew invited me to after trying on all my clothes.

I faced the mirror, seeing a girl who hadwith black hair, dark brown almond eyes and tan skin color.

I could hear the whisperingwhisperseveryday for the first week I walked through the hallways.

...and had to spend my lunch period alone without any acquaintances .

I really love your essay! You truly painted a great image of the culture clash. One question: what is the essay topic? You mentioned essay #5, but what is the question?Also, please help with my essay! Thank you!

Undergraduate / 'I worked diligently in school' - Common App Transfer Essay - Education [11]

Please help! :/

Undergraduate / 'I worked diligently in school' - Common App Transfer Essay - Education [11]

Yes, no problem!

Undergraduate / "Look at her; she is the only Chinese." - Common App personal [14]

Okay, the topic makes the essay so much clearer!

By the way, I forgot to mention: it's Chinatown not China Town.
I realize every ethnicity is unique in its own way, but diversity makes the world around . Do you mean go round?

Undergraduate / "Look at her; she is the only Chinese." - Common App personal [14]

No problem. Best of luck to you!

Undergraduate / 'I worked diligently in school' - Common App Transfer Essay - Education [11]

Valentine's Day, 2007. I sat inside the Miami Jackson Senior High office while my mom turned in all the documents for transferring students. I was a bit disappointed to attend Miami Jackson; the time spent at William H. Turner Technical High School seemed promising. The professors were tremendous, the students were passionate, and I had the opportunity to learn about film for four years. Miami Jackson just seemed like any other high school. But I was wrong. The conditions were much more severe than "any other high school."

The school seemed to have been left behind by the education system. Regardless, I worked diligently on my studies. The library became my home; it was my safe house from the pressures the inner city brought. I realized that if I wanted to receive a quality education, I would have to do it on my own. This self-motivation led me to earn the top GPA in my grade. However, that small achievement seemed to be eclipsed by the conditions all my peers and I were facing. In my 10th grade year, the school placed me in AP Physics, despite the fact that I was clearly unprepared for that level. I spoke with the physics teacher to receive some clarification. Only one student was qualified to take the course, he told me, but they needed more to keep it open. So I remained in the physics class, attempting to grasp everything I possibly could. Once the professor assigned the class to design a catapult. I spent that weekend crafting my trebuchet on paper. I sat the following class, ready to turn in my design, but he never asked for it. I approached him afterwards, where he said "oh, Karla, I didn't think anyone would actually do it. Thank you, though."

Those 3˝ years I spent in Miami Jackson truly changed my perspective about opportunities. I graduated high school with the idea of moving education forward; of figuring out a way to help all the ones left behind. However, this plan consists of something larger than teaching. In order to make an impact that will trickle down to others, a reform must be made outside of the classroom. If technology can dramatically evolve to improve lives, why is the learning environment not doing the same? I realized that this is not just happening in my neighborhood, but in countless parts of the world. When I enrolled in The Honors College at Miami Dade College, I was certain my plan was to ultimately conduct studies to improve education in critical parts of the world. What I was unclear of was which major to choose. Clearly, many career options can lead to work in education. Nevertheless, the important element to consider is that my major should be something I sincerely love and is valuable to my ultimate goals.

In turn, I have taken an eclectic range of courses, which I gleefully look forward to each semester. Simultaneously, the diverse background provides for a strong foundation I recognize will become useful for my plans. Now that my two years at Miami Dade College are complete, I must move onward to an institution that will intellectually push me further to become a well-rounded individual. For this reason, attending a liberal arts college will be the perfect option. Wellesley will provide me with the opportunities I have only dreamt of; the opportunities that I may take everywhere I go to share with others.

Undergraduate / 'I worked diligently in school' - Common App Transfer Essay - Education [11]

Help!

Topic: Address your reasons for transferring and what you hope to achieve?