Hello! This is my common app essay. I picked topic 5. I'm an international student. So the English essay is such a difficulty for me. I need some advices and help me fix something that I wrote wrong. I really hope you guys can tell me how do you feel about the essay? is it a good topic? Thanks!
I still stood by the mirror, trying on all my clothes, and could not decide what to wear for a Passover dinner my Jewish friend Andrew invited me to attend. I faced the mirror, seeing a girl who had black hair, dark brown almond eyes and tan skin color. My memory flashed back. Growing up in a somewhat small, conservative environment, I was surrounded by people who looked and acted just like me. We have our own category, sharing the same background. So when I became an exchange student in America, I stepped into a whole new world.
"Look at her; she is the only Chinese." I could hear the whispering every day for the first week I walked the hallways. Everyone stared at me with strange looks. I was not able to listen or understand class discussions in English, and had to spend my lunch period alone without any acquaintances. I desired to make new friends, but had no idea how to join a group of classmates who sat together and talked about "Glee." I couldn't even find any compatriots to help. Everything seemed unfamiliar. I was lost and a little bit desperate. Why was I the first student from China attending this school? Why had life become so hard? Why was I not accepted by any group of students? No one could empathize with my feelings or give me a clue on to how to fit in.
I was not deterred by my challenges, but I had discovered my own way in this distinctive realm. I tried to introduce myself to and talk to each student in my classes. I learned people were more curious about the different world I came from, asking, "How do you say __ in Chinese?" "What is your school day like in China?" "Is it true that Chinese people only eat noodles on their birthdays?" I patiently answered all of their questions and gradually became assimilated to my new country. My Italian friend showed me what a real Italian Christmas was like, and I expressed my gratitude by sending her a card written in both English and Chinese with a Chinese knot. I went to a Catholic mass with my friend and enjoyed her beautiful singing voice and expression of faith. One weekend my friend and I visited China Town in New York. I was eager to share delicious Chinese food and old-fashioned crafts, like Peking Opera Masks with her. At the school concert, my live performance of Liuyang River, a traditional Chinese piano piece, garnered a standing ovation from the entire audience. My two worlds collided, integrating in harmony.
Sitting in the car with Andrew, I realize every ethnicity is unique in its own way, but diversity makes the world around. I had found my way crossing arbitrary boundaries and getting to know people who aren't like me by being proud of my Chinese heritage and embracing other cultures. With respect and mutual understanding, I know I will have a wonderful night.
This is very well written! I did not loose interest at all and it had a good flow. The vocabulary is amazing and I think this essay is perfect. I am not too good at grammar so I don't know if there's anything grammatically wrong. Great Job!
I'm so glad that you like it. I really don't want to write an essay is boring. Thank you so much!
Your welcome! I am putting what I have so far on my essay! So check it out please =]
I still stood by the mirror, trying on all my clothes, and could not decide what to wear for a Passover dinner my Jewish friend Andrew invited me to attend.
I could not decide what to wear for a Passover dinner my Jewish friend Andrew invited me to after trying on all my clothes.
I faced the mirror, seeing a girl who hadwith black hair, dark brown almond eyes and tan skin color.
I could hear the whisperingwhisperseveryday for the first week I walked through the hallways.
...and had to spend my lunch period alone without any acquaintances .
I really love your essay! You truly painted a great image of the culture clash. One question: what is the essay topic? You mentioned essay #5, but what is the question?Also, please help with my essay! Thank you!
Thank you so much!
This is the topic.
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
I will look your essay right now.
Okay, the topic makes the essay so much clearer!
By the way, I forgot to mention: it's Chinatown not China Town.
I realize every ethnicity is unique in its own way, but diversity makes the world around . Do you mean go round?
Thank you! yes! I mean go round. :P
No problem. Best of luck to you!
good essay. TOO VISUAL .. It's sounding like you're being intentionally visual...
Well done tho !
Check Out Mine too !
Thanks! you guys are really helpful. any other suggestions?
This story reminded me of a beautiful Asian girl who was not able to fluently speak our language in my English 4U class; everyone seemed to just move away from her because she used to ask too many translation questions. Maybe I was one of them, and you now have exposed my ignorance - However she passed her class and I told her that I was sorry; she said she understood, but she starred at me differently after that. I think your essay is very worthy.
I was not able to listen to or understand class discussions in English, and had to spend my lunch period alone without any acquaintances.
Why was I the only student from China attending this school?
I was not deterred by my challenges, but I had discovered my own way in this distinctive realm.
My two worlds collided, integrating in harmony.---I like this sentence a lot!
Sitting in the car with Andrew, I realized every ethnicity is unique in its own way, but diversity makes the world go around.
I had found my way by crossing arbitrary boundaries and getting to know people who aren't like me, by being proud of my Chinese heritage and embracing other cultures.
With respect and mutual understanding, I knew I would have a wonderful night.
:)
Thanks you guys! This is really helpful. Any other advices?
