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Posts by PA Applicant
Joined: May 25, 2012
Last Post: Feb 20, 2013
Threads: 4
Posts: 16  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 20
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PA Applicant   
May 28, 2012
Letters / I and my family - we are planning to spend a weekend at a seaside hotel. Reservation letter [2]

Hadi,

I have just a few suggestions that may improve your letter.

First, instead of saying "Dear Sir" you should write "Dear [Hotel Name]". "Sir" implies that a man will be reading in which you are not sure of.

The first paragraph should be at the end in order to follow the order of instructions.

I like the intro to the second paragraph. Start right off though saying, "This is to inquire about the availability from August 13th-August 16th 2012" "My wife, son, and I will be visiting Beruit on these dates and hope to stay in your hotel." "I am looking for a well furnished double deluxe balcony room suite with bath attached."

"In spite I am going to last my vacation on the weekend, please let me know your tariff and availability of the dates I have mentioned and a cost comparison with the other week days"

^^Not sure if your letter will be in English but if so, I would correct some English grammar here. First, it doesn't make sense and is a run on sentence. Try this - "Please let me know a price quote including these dates and the type of room mentioned. Also, are there different rates for weekdays and weekends?"

Last Paragraph: The instructions say to "enquire about activities and places of interest near the hotel" This means to ask questions about activities. Rephrase this paragraph to ask questions.

I read about your hotel in an advertisement in the People magazine. The most attractive thing to me is that I want to spend this annual vacation on a seaside area and get involved in some water sport activities.

Because your hotel has a good scope of sea view with plenty of water sports activities, like diving, surfing, jet ski, water football which is the most I have interested in.

^^I read about your hotel in an advertisement in the People magazine Not exactly necessary.
Possibly something like - Due to your sea side location, I have a few questions about which water sport activities are offered. I am interested in diving, surfing, jet skiing, and water football. Therefore, I was wondering if your hotel offers classes or instructors for any of these activities. [Also, you can ask about prices too]

Some more English errors-
I would be appreciated if you would call me in concern of regard to this reservation as soon as you can.
^ Remember to Include your phone number if you would like them to call you. Also, you could give the option to email back OR call. The "As soon as you can" seems very urgent.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. OR simply, "I look forward to hearing from you soon"

Also, "Yours Faithfully" seems VERY formal. Usually, you can just end letters like this one with a simple
Thank you,
Hadi Ibrhahim

Just a few improvements and you're good to go! Good luck!!!
PA Applicant   
May 28, 2012
Graduate / "Medically under served populations" physician assistant CASPA personal statement [3]

"Please describe your motivation towards becoming a physician assistant" 5000 character max.
Any advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated!! Thank you in advance!!

When I was eight years old sitting in Boston Children's Hospital, I said to my mother, "Mom, I want to work in the medical field because I know how it feels to be sick and want to feel better." This mindset has always stayed with me. After researching different positions in the medical field growing up, I finally decided in college that being a physician assistant (PA) would be the perfect fit for me. My demanding schedule throughout college, service as a Peace Corps volunteer, and firsthand experience of the health care field in a third world country, have all served as motivators to enter the PA profession. These steps cultivated the path I needed to endeavor in order to become a successful physician assistant one day.

During college, my time was occupied with cross country practices twice a day, traveling to competitions on the weekends, working up to three jobs at a time, shadowing an orthopedic PA, and maintaining a 3.96 GPA all while graduating a semester early. I possessed the skills I thought I needed to become a PA - excelling in academics, the drive to work long hours, and having the sedulity towards achieving my goals. I was encased in a bubble of solely academics, my running career, and work. However, a key component I was missing - real life experiences - was found in Guatemala.

Four months after graduating college, I boarded the plane, ready to begin my two year service in Guatemala as a Peace Corps volunteer. My initial partisanship of being a PA rather than any other medical profession was espoused with the idea of mobility of specialties, serving as a key contributor to the overall productivity of the clinic, and freeing the physician to attend to more complex cases. However, during my Peace Corps service I have realized being a PA is so much more than these rudimentary descriptions. When passion is rooted from experience the PA can serve as a liaison between the underserved populations and the medical attention they deserve.

The past year I have been working in rural villages in the Western Highlands of Guatemala as a preventative health technician. Every morning I begin my day in the health center and later go out to the villages to teach preventative health through the use of Health Promoter groups, HIV workshops, and home visits. I am in constant interaction with medically underserved families, teaching them as much as I possibly can so that they can improve their lifestyles. However, as important as the preventative health aspect is, I continue to lack skill and knowledge to cure.

I recognize my yearning for knowledge every time I work in the regional hospital's pediatric orthopedic and malnourished wards. Each week I witness situations and hear stories that could tug at anyone's emotions. However, the most I can do right now is continue teaching preventative health and giving emotional support to these children and their families. When I hold a three year old child whose bones I can feel through his gurney and who has not learned to walk yet, the only thing I can offer is strong words of encouragement. The inability to provide more care has created a burgeoning pain in my heart that has augmented my zeal to become a PA. I hope that as a PA I will be able to provide the complete basic care to such families including both the preventative and curative forms. Each patient, family member, and visit to the villages continues to kindle the fire that has continuously been growing in my heart to make my dream of becoming a PA a reality.

Often times I feel as though I have gained more from this Peace Corps experience than I have given. The situations in which my neighbors and friends undergo daily as part of their ordinary lives constantly give me the motivation to address the medically underserved population and the care they deserve. After all, the physician assistant occupation was founded on this principal: to serve the medically underserved. The experiences I have accrued throughout college and during my Peace Corps service have been not only motivators to enter the PA profession but have also contributed to the attributes I believe will one day allow me to become an extraordinary PA.
PA Applicant   
May 28, 2012
Graduate / 'exceptional physician assistant' - my CASPA PA motivation essay [4]

First, separate into different paragraphs. It could be that you just pasted it incorrectly but it's really hard to read when it's just in one long paragraph. From what I've gathered, your paragraphs should be

Intro
Experience #1 - Cousin in the hospital
Experience #2 - Florida Hospital volunteer experience
Experience #3 - Shadowing the nurse, more patient care interaction
Conclusion - "I feel this is what will..."

Also - You mention VERY briefly about having to serve as a translator? Is this referring to language? If so, I think you have A LOT to go on from this. If English is not your first language and if you come from an ethically diverse culture, expand! This will grab the reader's attention and allow for a more personal connection.

I like your ideas and with some improvements it can be a great statement! Good luck!!
PA Applicant   
May 28, 2012
Graduate / 'a rainy day in Connecticut' - PA school personal statement [4]

Just as our sandwiches are being placed in a to-go bag, the tones drop on our portable radios. (add comma)

"As my partner is driving lights and sirens.." What does this mean?

LOVE your intro paragraph! Especially the part about parting the parkway like the Red Sea. You are very descriptive and definitely grab the reader's attention.

Physician Assistant isn't capitalized - simply "physician assistant".

Possibly, "In doing so, I learned that I could tolerate high stress situations well." or something to connect the thoughts.

I have me et many wonderful patients..

In the 4th paragraph where you talk about what skills you have learned and what exactly you have witnessed- maybe add a sentence at the end about how being a PA would allow you to be involved in the decision making of the team and overall being part of that team. Link what you have seen with HOW it has motivated you to be a PA- rather than just stating what you saw then "this has motivated me.."

Overall, I really enjoyed reading your essay! Good luck with getting accepted!
PA Applicant   
Jun 1, 2012
Graduate / 'All roads have led me' - why I want to be a P.A [3]

I have had the opportunity to see the abilities that all of these professions offer along with the limitations.
^This sentence sounds kind of awkward. I have had the opportunity to observe what each of these professions entails including both the advantages and limitations?

Being a physician assistant would allow me to both use and build on the medical model diagnostics skills that I have acquired. I would continue to provide direct patient care while expanding my responsibilities

^Maybe expand a little bit more on the duties of a PA to show you understand the profession more than just this.

I have concluded that training as a Physician Assistant, while being very intense, will still allow me *to* balance my personal and professional life.
^"While being very intense"..I like that this part shows you know it's still challenging and not the easy way out of being a doctor

The first paragraph is a little long, but yet it does show the transition between your jobs. Since some of the paragraph includes duty descriptions, you may not need this since you probably wrote the same duty descriptions on your CASPA under work experience. In general, much of the first paragraph will already be on your CASPA app. Maybe write about HOW these jobs were rewarding.

The epilepsy unit sounds like it would be a very rewarding job and probably contribute/solidify your decision to be a PA; however you only say "it was rewarding" rather than showing us. This has a lot of potential to grab the reader's attention and get to know you a little more.

Overall, I think you have SO much experience to draw from! You have been in the military and seen things normal citizens have never seen. Maybe talk about these specific experiences a little more. I didn't really get a strong feeling that you wanted to be a PA until the last paragraph where it really shows how hard you have worked to be a PA. Seriously, congrats on all you have accomplished! Being in the military, having more HCE than most other applicants, going back to college to take prereqs that are entirely different from your undergrad, having two children at home, all while working full time is an extremely great accomplishment that you should be proud of. You sound like you're underselling yourself in this. Brag! Show us more of who you are!

I think you have a great amount of potential here. Good luck!
PA Applicant   
Jun 1, 2012
Graduate / 'functionality of the human body' - CASPA PA Narrative [2]

I have worked as a Chiropractic Assistant, Personal Trainer and Group Fitness Instructor and a Cancer Educator.
^Delete the and.

The desire came to me while working in healthcare overtime, in particular while educating cancer patients on overwhelming information available to them and to help them understand their particular plan of care.

^What desire? "My desire to become a PA...
-while working overtime in healthcare (healthcare overtime sounds a bit awkward)
-Run on sentence
-The desire to become a PA came to me while working overtime in the healthcare environment while educating cancer patients. This education consisted of sharing the overwhelming amount of information available to them while also trying to help them understand their particular plan of care. [maybe something like this?]

It was the responsibility of the PA to monitor the donor and recipient weekly (then daily) and also listeningto listen to the concerns that both patients in the process were experiencing

The PA was on my surgical team and provided meticulous care alongside the physician through out all of my follow up care. I also served as an anonymous...

^Need transition word here. I was on the orthopedic track when you suddenly began talking about egg donor. I agree with "Another experience.."

This included the PA communicating the dosage of various injectable medications, all the way to the egg retrieval date, along with the time sensitive preparations involved.

^Sentence sounds a bit awkward and wordy.

I agree with the above post and her modifications of the last two paragraphs. Also, it sounds like you're kind of just throwing in your fascination with the the functionality of the human body. That would be more of something to introduce in earlier paragraphs rather than the conclusion.

Also, after reading the beginning I thought the essay was going to be about your experience with educating cancer patients since you state "my desire came to me while working in healthcare overtime..." However, after reading your essay it seems like your desire actually came from your own personal experiences being a patient.

One other note- I agree with the above suggestion of not capitalizing job positions. I don't think they are capitalized either but I could be wrong. (chiropractic assistant, personal trainer and group fitness instructor and a cancer educator). I have read numerous times from other essay corrections that physician assistant is not capitalized either but yet when I have read info about PA's it usually is..so I'm not 100% positive!

I hope some of these suggestions help! Good luck!!
PA Applicant   
Jul 24, 2012
Graduate / 'Guatemala' - Peace Corps experience; serving others, working as a team [4]

This is a personal statement for Northeastern's Physician Assistant program. Any suggestions/edits would be greatly appreciated! Thank you in advance!

Personal Statement
Please type a statement explaining what you have learned about yourself, serving others, and working as part of team based upon your hands-on patient care experience with patients and/or community service activities.

From my community service in the Peace Corps working as a health educator in rural Guatemala I have not only enhanced my knowledge of what it means to serve others and how to successfully work as team; but also throughout it all, a little more about myself as well.

"Life is calling. How far will you go?" When I read this on a Peace Corps flyer, something in me stirred. The idea of devoting two years to serving others while obtaining cultural awareness and learning a new language just seemed like an obvious step to take. During my service I have learned that to serve others is a gift. Not only to those served but also to those who are serving. The smiles on the women's faces after learning how to make homemade Gatorade for their sick children, or watching them speak in front of a crowd for the first time in their lives gives me such pride to serve here. After each meeting I feel a new sense of rejuvenation that results from the accomplishments of the group.

Another important aspect I have learned about serving is to show I am not much different from them. It seems there is a stigma associated with those served and those who are serving. Those who are being served often feel they are inferior. However, those being served should realize they have just as much potential as the rest. The results can be extremely rewarding watching someone who once felt inferior to sprout confidence and begin taking on higher responsibility within their community solely because someone once told them they had the power to do it. The influence of serving should not be under estimated in any community.

Working in Guatemala has helped me realize how to successfully work as a team. Sometimes, this work can involve a trilingual team where communication is not exactly as clear as water. In this environment I have learned communication is the key aspect in obtaining success. If everyone communicates effectively the team is more likely to meet the goal; even if it means repeating the same thing multiple times and in several languages. Another important aspect of teamwork is delegation. If everyone thinks someone else is going to do it then no one will do it and the work will not get done. Lastly, the benefits of teamwork mean there are more resources to draw from. Each individual has something to bring to the table that can be used to advance the project. With clear communication, delegation, and the use of multiple resources, working as a team can be beneficial for the success of the community or the project.

Somewhere between hand washing my clothes for hours on end and walking miles to the villages, I have had plenty of time to self reflect. One important aspect I have learned is that I am dependent on work. The lowest points in my service have been when work was slow. I became restless, anxious, and almost depressed. The days I am the happiest are when my day begins at 8am and does not finish until 7pm when transportation stops, the sun goes down, and stores begin to close. Therefore, I am constantly working on more than one project in order to stay busy. Furthermore, I love to take on tasks that are not exactly my expertise. For example, I have learned how to garden, make liquid soap, and say hello and goodbye in five different languages. One of my favorite comments I have received from a fellow volunteer was, "Chelsea, you know what I like about you? You do. You always just do." I believe this comment is a good summary of a key component I have discovered about myself while serving.

I am so grateful for the time I have spent in Guatemala for teaching me about the value of serving, how to work in a team, and a little more about myself. I look forward to the next year of my service where these aspects will be able to flourish even more than they already have.
PA Applicant   
Jul 24, 2012
Graduate / "Gained Confidence as EMT"-PA School Personal Statement [4]

Hey I think CASPA is actually 5000 characters so you might be okay. Just put a space between each paragraph so it's easier to read then highlight and check characters used.

Here are a few suggestions:

Naturally uneasy about the uncertainty of what awaits inside the home, but grateful and confident in this opportunity to assist another patient in need.
^This is a fragment. Possibly..."I was naturally uneasy..."

My experience as an EMT at my University
^Don't capitalize university

Physician Assistant isn't capitalized since it is a position (google this...there are varied results but the majority say don't capitalize, your choice)

This is now something I strive for in life. At fourteen I began volunteering at
^After "life" you should begin a new paragraph

I witnessed many Physicians have with
^Physician isn't capitalized (same as prior)

Jeff received a letter of thanks
^Why not simply say a thank you letter?

more than you can get paid for".
^Switch the ". so it becomes "..more than you can get paid for."

patient care as a Physician Assistant.
^physician assistant

because I'm motivated
^because I am motivated

Now on content..
I like that you touched on your hands on care work experience, volunteer experience, and the reasoning for your maybe not so great academics your freshman year. Also, I like your story at the beginning but I feel like you should give it some kind of conclusion. Did something dramatic happen on this exact call that differed from the rest of your EMT experience? Or just the thrill of it all that excites you? Possibly after "confident in this opportunity to assist another patient in need" state something like.."It was this constant thrill that caused me to want to continue working in medicine.." or something like that to tie it up in your reasoning for wanting to be a PA. then begin the next paragraph about "at fourteen..."

Just a few tweaks and I think you'll be good to go. Good luck!
PA Applicant   
Jul 24, 2012
Graduate / [how to begin?] - Why choose Physical Therapy over other medical fields [5]

Have you ever shadowed a physical therapist? What about his/her job did you find the most intriguing and why? Have you ever shadowed other medical jobs? What was the difference and why are you choosing PT? Possibly much more time for patient interaction? If you've shadowed a doctor you know they don't spend much time with patients; yet PT's sit with their patients for hours on end. Do you have experience as an athlete? Maybe even an injured athlete who spent much time with a PT?

Basically, if this essay prompt is for a PT program, you've obviously already done your work to get to that point. So throughout all your undergrad classes and possibly shadowing, what made you choose physical therapy? Just write why you want to be a physical therapist.

Good luck!
PA Applicant   
Jul 24, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the 10 Core Expectations' - Peace Corps Essay 1 [2]

I was taught growing up that community and giving back was important.
^While growing up, I was taught that giving back to the community was important.

which lead me to want to apply my
^which led..

Since my experience in other countries, I have wanted
^Since my experience..in what in other countries? Volunteering, traveling, cultural awareness?

on a larger scale, to help people in other
^on a larger scale; to help

for helping people to good use.
^for serving others..

Twenty seven months is a long time, but I feel like I am ready to use the knowledge I have gained to help other countries in need while serving to create a positive outlook on my country

^awkward sentence. the latter part doesn't acknowledge the aspect of 27 months being a long time

In return, teach Americans about the country that I served in, to help people understand one another and work create better international relationships.
^In return, I hope to be able to share the culture of where I will be serving with my fellow friends and family at home in America. In doing so. I hope this cultural exchange can create better international relationships or at least improve cultural awareness.

into a new culture of people.

I am a very opening and adaptable person
^I am an adaptable person who is very open to change

that I will encounter induring my service

Good work! Just a few grammar corrections and you're good to go. As long as the rest of your application shows you're a good person with good intentions you will absolutely get an interview. Don't stress too much about the essays! Pretty much the entire application process is just to show you're committed (since it takes forever, right?) :-) I'm currently a PCV in Guatemala. I just posted an essay about some aspects of my service if you want to read it to get a better idea of what it's like to be a PCV. If you have any questions at all, let me know! GOOD LUCK!!!!
PA Applicant   
Jul 24, 2012
Undergraduate / Study plan for SNU. business school to continue on to law-mba duel program [2]

First, break this into paragraphs so it's easier to read.

the US, one and a half century,
^centuries

current status, but the development
^status; but the...

for a majority of my life,
^for THE majority..

I began to read documentaries
^Read documents...or watch documentaries?

Through researches,
^research or researching?

of any and all countries. My interest has initiated my
^begin new paragraph after countries.

To express the depth of my interest in this field, I am scheduled to travel to South Africa in November of 2012 for a four-month internship for a hands-on experience in the field of democracy advocacy in the South African government and assisting in governmental agencies in the human rights department.

^Wow! Sounds like it will be a truly amazing experience for you.

Overall, your essay sounds extremely intelligent. As a reader without knowledge of these concepts I could only help slightly with grammar. My main suggestion is to break into paragraphs to make it easier to read. After writing a suggestion in this box, it was frustrating to try to find where I left off. The essay is very well written though and you really show that this is what you want. I wish you the best of luck in your acceptance!
PA Applicant   
Feb 17, 2013
Scholarship / "Life is calling. How far will you go?"; NHSC Scholarship-Underserved population [5]

What experiences have you had or activities have you participated in that have prepared you to work with underserved populations? 1,500 characters (currently 1,650)
(Underserved means those who do not have great access to health care, this typically tends to be in more rural areas but there are numerous sites in urban areas as well) Thank you in advance for any suggestions you may have!

"Life is calling. How far will you go?" When I read this sign upon my return from a medical mission trip in Costa Rica, I knew I had a hunger for more "life". After attending an information session about the Peace Corps, I knew devoting two years to an underserved population while broadening my cultural awareness and learning a new language was exactly what I was looking for.

Now, two years later at the completion of my service I am confident that my experience has not only prepared me for working with the underserved but has also been a significant motivator as well. I work in the Western Highlands of Guatemala as a rural preventive health specialist. Every morning I begin my day in the health center and later go out to the villages to teach preventive health through the use of health promoter groups, HIV/AIDS prevention workshops, and home visits. I am in constant interaction with medically underserved families, teaching them as much as I possibly so they can lead healthier lifestyles.

My neighbors, coworkers, and friends have taught me invaluable lessons about their culture and how to work with them to achieve our goals. During my service I read "The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down" by Anne Fadiman. It is a powerful story about the relationship between health care providers and a Hmong refugee family trying to find a cure for their epileptic daughter despite a constant battle of contradicting culture beliefs. Coupled with my experience working with the underserved abroad, I realized I could be the advocate for patients like these while practicing the best of both my worlds - medicine and working with the underserved.
PA Applicant   
Feb 17, 2013
Scholarship / Guatemala Experience as a Health Specialist; NHSC Scholarship-Why Primary HealthCare? [2]

Please discuss your commitment to pursue a career in primary health care. 1,500 characters or less (Currently 1,570)
Once again, thank you in advance for any suggestions you may have!

Working as a preventive health specialist in Guatemala for the past two years, I have realized the importance of preventive medicine in the overall scheme of primary care. I hope that once I start practicing in primary care I will be able to take much of my preventive health experience including health education and transfer it to the situations at hand. By using both preventive and curative medicine, I hope to achieve the most success with my patients as possible. Furthermore, I look forward to attending to primary care's large array of demographics. The idea of constantly having a diversity of patients and cases is a very appealing aspect that draws me to primary care.

Furthermore, I recognize my yearning to work in primary care every time I work in the regional hospital's pediatric ward. Each week I witness situations and hear stories that could tug at anyone's emotions. When I hold a three year old child whose bones I can feel through his hospital gown and who has not yet learned to walk, I am overwhelmed with the desire to provide education and a remedy for the family. Working with patients whose illnesses need to be acknowledged and cared for has created a burgeoning pain in my heart that has augmented my zeal to work in primary care with this population. Each patient, family member, and visit to the villages continues to kindle the fire that has continuously been growing to work with the underserved. For me, these are the patients, population, and area of health that I look forward to surrounding myself with each and every day of work.
PA Applicant   
Feb 17, 2013
Scholarship / We are Cubans wanting to keep our heritage alive;Scholarship-Goals/Hispanic Heritage [3]

Overall, I like the theme and I enjoyed reading it! I'm currently a Peace Corps volunteer so I loved that you mentioned that.

My main concern is that, to me, it looks like the question is actually asking what are your goals and how has your Hispanic heritage influenced these goals. So, make sure your goals are the backbone of the essay. From what I understood your goals are 1) to make a difference in the states and abroad (Peace Corps) and 2) pursue a career in medicine (doctor, PA, nurse?). The latter was only briefly mentioned so maybe if this is your goal (are you majoring in pre-med?) make that a main point. You could separate your goals into two or three paragraphs then say, for example, why mentioned goal (making a difference in the world) results from your Cuban heritage. Does this mean sense?

Example set up of what I'm trying to say:
Intro Paragraph
First Goal - Maybe a short term goal? With Cuban experience as supporting why
Second Goal - (Make a difference?) "
Third Goal - (Medicine?) "
Conclusion

Reading through your essay again, you have great material! Just try to organize it a little better following the prompt. Let me know if you have any questions. Good luck!
PA Applicant   
Feb 17, 2013
Undergraduate / I maintain all As & in the top 10; Earlham C- Why I'm academically prepared! [3]

I agree with the above corrections. Also:

I believe my academic preparation has prepared me to attend Earlham because I maintain almost all A's and rank in the top ten..
^Add an intro sentence. Also, do you know your specific GPA that you could use?

Make sure you connect the second paragraph back to how you are prepared. Personal growth maybe? If so, add an intro sentence about your personal growth. Then you'll have your supporting details and closing sentence.

Good luck!
PA Applicant   
Feb 18, 2013
Essays / Difference between Personal Statement and SOP [8]

I believe a statement of purpose is more about why you want to go to that specific school or something related to the goal. Whereas, a personal statement is written more about yourself in order to give the school a better idea of WHO you are (and why this makes you want to achieve the goal). Hope that makes sense. You should Google examples of both to see the difference. Good luck!!
PA Applicant   
Feb 19, 2013
Undergraduate / "It's never too late to change" ; TRANSFER -UTexas at Austin- SOP [9]

It's not crap! Thanks for your explanation! Okay, you should definitely make it more clear that you're currently at the community college. Maybe say something like since you realized ERAU wouldn't work out you decided to go to the community college. And that's when you took the economics course then right? It makes much more sense now. I was thinking you were currently at ERAU and wanted to transfer to UT so that's what I was referring to to change to present tense, but don't worry about it now. I think it will be great once you add the community college part. If you want, post it again when you finish!
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