[b]CASPA Prompt: describe your motivation towards becoming a PA
PLEASE CAN I GET SOME FEEDBACK ON THIS ESSAY. MY BIGGEST CONCERN IS SHORTENING. ANY SUGGESTIONS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED. THANK YOU![/b]
"My heart races with anticipation of our patient's condition while my mind rehearses the course of action I will take. As one of my partners is driving lights and sirens, adrenaline rushes through me but I focus on preparing myself, making a mental checklist of what I will need: stretcher, sheets, and medical bag. Dispatch called our unit for a ninety-two year old female patient who suffered a seizure. Naturally uneasy about the uncertainty of what awaits inside the home, but grateful and confident in this opportunity to assist another patient in need. My experience as an EMT at my University and other experiences involving healthcare have shaped and solidified my desire become a Physician Assistant (PA).
From a young age I've been intrigued by the function of the human body, intertwined with processes of fixing and healing. This sparked my initiative to become involved in medicine which became a journey in which I grew cognizant of my enjoyment in helping and giving care to people. This is now something I strive for in life. At fourteen I began volunteering at Teaneck Medical Center's Geriatrics Unit. In addition to distributing food, I talked with patients to comfort them with simple conversations that put a smile on their face, as well as my own. I also volunteered in the Emergency Department and Maternity Ward where I attentively watched medical staff make critical decisions. Captivated by the challenges and opportunities to make a difference in patients' well-being, I knew I wanted to pursue a medical career.
My time in Prompt Care, an extension of the emergency room in Hackensack University Medical Center (HUMC), introduced me to the PA profession, serving as pivotal landmark in my quest through exploring healthcare. While transporting patients for x-rays and restocking supplies, I attentively observed PAs treat patients and interrelate with hospital staff. I was drawn to their ability to make immediate and assertive decisions in treatment, and I vicariously envisioned myself in such a role, able and willing to do the same.
To appease my interest, I shadowed Jeff Weisberger, a PA from HUMC's Emergency Department. I observed him diagnose and treat patients while collaborating and working under the supervision of physicians. I admired Jeff's investment in the care of each of his patients, giving each his full attention. I esteemed this significant involvement with patients which I feel contrasts from the brief encounters I witnessed many Physicians have with their patients elsewhere.
One day Jeff received a letter of thanks from a patient who was treated for lower gastrointestinal bleeding; he praised Jeff's positive attitude while working, and appreciated the treatment under his care. After Jeff showed me the letter he said "The thank you is more than you can ever get paid for". Shadowing Jeff cemented my motivation to immerse myself in the art and science of caring and pursue a career as a PA.
As a volunteer, I steered through a restrictive road, limited by experience and training in the tasks I could do to help patients and medical staff, but being an EMT has given me the opportunity to do more than just stand on the sidelines but instead be involved in patient care. I have been exposed to a variety of calls and tense situations where I had to take charge and make quick decisions regarding my patient's care. These experiences have tested my skills and verified that I can tolerate high stress situations well. I gained insight on my ability to work calm and effectively when helping others medically and the importance of teamwork in this process. I look forward to the day when I can have more involvement in patient care as a Physician Assistant.
I began my undergraduate career with much enthusiasm and commitment to my education; however, my performance during my freshman year reflected certain deficiencies which I have since worked towards better developing. I have put much effort in academics, and further developed my time management skills and study methods. I am resilient and determined to learn from my shortcomings in order to improve and strengthen my abilities. I believe my unwavering motivation, hard-work ethic, and determination suggests my potential ability, if given the opportunity, to evolve into a successful PA.
The professional responsibilities of a PA comprise values and rewards that I praise and would like to contribute to. I am aware of the rigorous commitment required with a PA program. However, I look forward to embarking on the challenging journey because I'm motivated by the thought of committing myself to a profession where I can be a servant leader. I hope your institution allows me the opportunity to fulfill my desire of medically serving my community and be part of this growing, well respected medical profession as a Physician Assistant."gA
Hey I think CASPA is actually 5000 characters so you might be okay. Just put a space between each paragraph so it's easier to read then highlight and check characters used.
Here are a few suggestions:
Naturally uneasy about the uncertainty of what awaits inside the home, but grateful and confident in this opportunity to assist another patient in need.
^This is a fragment. Possibly..."I was naturally uneasy..."
My experience as an EMT at my University
^Don't capitalize university
Physician Assistant isn't capitalized since it is a position (google this...there are varied results but the majority say don't capitalize, your choice)
This is now something I strive for in life. At fourteen I began volunteering at
^After "life" you should begin a new paragraph
I witnessed many Physicians have with
^Physician isn't capitalized (same as prior)
Jeff received a letter of thanks
^Why not simply say a thank you letter?
more than you can get paid for".
^Switch the ". so it becomes "..more than you can get paid for."
patient care as a Physician Assistant.
^physician assistant
because I'm motivated
^because I am motivated
Now on content..
I like that you touched on your hands on care work experience, volunteer experience, and the reasoning for your maybe not so great academics your freshman year. Also, I like your story at the beginning but I feel like you should give it some kind of conclusion. Did something dramatic happen on this exact call that differed from the rest of your EMT experience? Or just the thrill of it all that excites you? Possibly after "confident in this opportunity to assist another patient in need" state something like.."It was this constant thrill that caused me to want to continue working in medicine.." or something like that to tie it up in your reasoning for wanting to be a PA. then begin the next paragraph about "at fourteen..."
Just a few tweaks and I think you'll be good to go. Good luck!
CASPA asks for 5000 character max, approx 645 words i think, or around there. but counting characters, my essay falls within that limit. i just think it can maybe be a little more concise, it's just so hard to cut down:/
And Chelsea:
Great, thanks SO MUCH. i'll make those adjustments. And you're right, I did feel that the beginning was left hanging; i wasn't sure how to bring it together. But the thrill of it all is on point for me.
It's great to hear feedback. thanks again!
