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Posts by steveandimrad
Joined: Oct 9, 2012
Last Post: Oct 9, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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steveandimrad   
Oct 9, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Life without music would be a mistake' - NYU Supplement #2 What intrigues you? [4]

Nietzsche once said "Without music, life would be a mistake." Music is the harmony of the world, crafted by man to create a myriad of sensations. The score during the climax of a movie, the homeless man singing for his next meal, the prelude to a well-known concerto-music defines some of the most monumental impressions on people. Music has always been my life's biggest passion, and continues to bring my world to new heights. When I hear music, I see bright, vivid colors. I analyze the smallest details of a musical piece down to the most subtle instrument. Noticing new components of a song that aren't typically heard during the first few plays, for me, is like an archaeologist finding a bone in a desert. Music is a messenger of emotions, simple yet complex, and indescribable by all accounts. I remember the first time I heard Chopin's Tristesse; I was in a car with my friends, and it was so heartbreakingly beautiful that I tried to hide my tears. However, I soon realized there was not a dry eye in the car. Whenever I'm feeling stressed, I escape the pressures of reality and become lost in music. I take a ride on a roller coaster of emotions as musical notes bring me from a state of pure calmness to a state of adrenaline. When the music ends, my mind feels cleansed and ready to get back into the loop of things. I run to music, study to music, release anger to music, yell in joy to music, and live to music.
steveandimrad   
Oct 9, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Heap of tears' - past circumstances and experiences impacted who you are - UIUC [2]

I overall liked your essay. But you can definitely shorten it by avoiding less of a summary of the entire event. I know this is hard to do given that this of course requires a background story, but avoid lots of unnecessary attentions to detail like "two in their early 20s, and one in their mid-40s". This is extraneous information that more or less wouldn't affect the overall meaning of the story. You know what I mean?
steveandimrad   
Oct 9, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The category of being undecided' - Common App Short Answer for NYU [2]

" I currently fall under the category of being undecided because I am unable to choose a major between business management and marketing or nursing"

-Don't bother stating the fact that you are undecided, at least not as an intro sentence. It doesn't sound strong.

"NYU is a versatile state"
-I think you either meant "NYC is a versatile city" or "NYU is a versatile school"

Since being opened up to the world of helping people and advertising events I have developed a great interest in Nursing and business management and marketing. This sentence sounds extremely wordy and awkward, and your point is very vague. "Ever since I discovered a the worlds of helping people and advertising events, I have developed a great interest in nursing, business management, and marketing." Sounds better

Overall, your essay was decent. It got your point across but you did more telling rather than showing.

Read mine? :)
steveandimrad   
Oct 9, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Not stressing my grades, but coordinating my steps' - UIUC essay #2 [3]

Two hours a day, six days a week, the bottom of my feet meet face to face with cement, pavement, dirt, or the treadmill. Every person has their own haven to cope with stress and the pressures of life, and mine comes from the euphoria that only running can provide. It's as beneficial to my body as it is to my mood. I can enjoy (and indulge) all of my favorite foods and running will keep me in shape.

With every step, my feet leave behind any worries or pains I have on the pavement. Running is my form of meditation, as it lets me think clearly and deeply. The distractions in my life seem to fade away, and my mind wanders to wherever it wants to. Instead of worrying about school, I concentrate on my breathing patterns; Rather than stressing over how high my grades are, I rhythmically coordinate my steps.

Everyone has an outlet to deal with emotions. My outlet is running. The mind-clearing effect running generates cannot be reached any other way. Sometimes I really push my running to the extremes, but I always see a method to my madness. It's my calm during a storm, my sanity amongst chaos. I can truly say that I am hooked on running. I crave that feeling that overwhelms your body when you use up every ounce of energy, and running provides that sense of total, complete, accomplishment.
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