Undergraduate / Military Academy Nomination Essay; Service. Structure. Ethics. Challenge. [2]

The question is: Why do you want to attend a service academy? (500 max)
I feel like my essay doesn't flow great but it's a little long and I'm not sure what to cut or add or change. I would really appreciate any and all feedback!

Service. Structure. Ethics. Challenge.

All these things are important to me, and are reasons why I want to attend a Service Academy and become an Army Officer. I would love to go to a Service Academy because of the opportunity to serve my country, the daily structure it provides, the strong ethical code, and the diverse challenges it offers, physically and mentally. But my conviction to become an Army Officer truly solidified in a moment forever engrained in my heart.

My friend sat under the soft glow of the porch lights, strumming her guitar and singing softly with a voice full of serenity. Friends and family sat around in light sweaters with drinks in hand, smiles already showing contentment, casually listening to her play. The early spring air was crisp, the sun had set, and I was overwhelmed with the peaceful joy of being surrounded by people I love. As I sat there truly content, thoughts rolled around in my head, with a carefree and hopeful air I loved these people here with me; I loved the freedom and safety we had in that moment and I realized I did not want anyone to have to give that up. In that moment of genuine love, my conviction to become an Army Officer grew even stronger. I wanted to keep these people safe and free and I was willing to give my life to ensure that. I could not imagine my aunt pregnant with twins, or my brother with autism, or my friends with ambitions of their own fighting for their lives, oppressed, without freedom. The privilege they have to hold, their beliefs, what they want to enjoy, and the ability to choose their leaders is precious. I aspire to keep this hope and happiness alive, this American dream of pursuing your interest and accomplishing your dreams. Nothing should bind creativeness and humanity. My heart aches for the oppressed, especially as I realize that I would be persecuted for my belief in Christianity in fifty-one countries. I want to become an Army officer to protect the people I love, and to promote freedom that inspires me. To me, this picture of my friend singing, surrounded by family and friends, embodies freedom. I want to join those already protecting our privileges, which America has fought and died for. This moment on the porch in early spring solidified my decision to be an Army Officer. Even reminiscing back to that moment of realization, my heart is gripped with a sense of duty to protect my country. To me there is no greater way to do this then by becoming an Army Officer, by attending a Service Academy. I desire to be challenged, to get a great education, and to be in an environment with a moral code that I believe in. I want to be immersed in a culture where I will get all of these things along with an opportunity to serve my country. I aspire to be an excellent Army Officer, and I believe that by going to a Service Academy I can accomplish this. I can protect my friends and family and our free country best this way. Freedom was obtained by a cost, but because of courageous heroes' efforts, it can now be given freely.

Scholarship / Brain tumor survivors; FURMAN SCHOLARSHIP/ Current issue/recent event [2]

Question: The most important lesson you can learn while you are here is that for your life to have authentic meaning, fulfillment, and consequence, you must learn the importance of connection to forces larger and greater than yourself: to larger causes and to the greater community. -Rod Smolla, Furman University

With this in mind, briefly describe in 500 words or less a current issue or recent event in your state or community and how it will affect its citizens in the future. More importantly, how have you, as a leader, made a difference in regards to this issue?

The bagpipe players dressed in dark red and black begin their song once again as they lead the way for the brain tumor survivors of 2012. The survivors, ranging in age from five to seventy, are wearing their distinct tie-dye bandanas as they start the annual Angels Among Us Brain Tumor Research walk. They smile as their teammates and other participants applaud them for fighting the brain tumor that may or may not be slowly killing them. Not among the survivors are Megan's mother and aunt.

They both used to walk among the survivors, proudly wearing their own tie-dye bandanas that let others know that they were still fighting, still smiling despite the growth in their brain that accompanied them everywhere. Our team, Hubba's Bubbas, consists of close friends and family that walked while they were alive to show our support, and now walk in their memory wanting to bring hope to other survivors.

For nine years we participated in the Angels Among Us walk, supporting the Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Research Center. In recent years, my friend Megan and I have taken charge of our team, and have raised money for Brain Tumor Research every year by organizing bake-sales, bowl-a-thons, and car washes. We've sold t-shirts, made posters, and have written letters to relatives and friends asking for their support. Both of us have found ways to use our unique talents to raise money for the cause that is so close to our hearts. She uses her creative ability to bake and decorate posters, and t-shirts while I use my organizational skills to plan events and set guidelines for the bowl-a-thon. I am proud to say our combined effort has raised $15,848 for 2012 Angels Among Us event, our biggest contribution yet.

At the end of each Angel's Among Us event, the total amount of money raised for Brain Tumor research is revealed, and each year it provides the Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Research Center the ability to continue their search for a cure. This past year, the total raised was $1,802,475 and it has helped provide funding for jobs, research supplies, and lab equipment, like an immunohistochemical robot that helps researchers develop therapies for brain tumors.

Every dollar raised makes researchers one step closer to finding a cure, one step closer to relieving the suffering of those with brain tumors. There are over 180,000 people in the United States diagnosed with brain tumors every year, and the money that we raise will make a difference in their lives, and the lives of their families.

Undergraduate / Beutiful, but misinterpreted Quote; Furman Essay/QUOTE [2]

-"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
In 250 words or less, describe how this quote applies to your life

If you search "Ralph Waldo Emerson" on the blogging website, Tumblr, half of the posts that show up in results are pictures with the quote "Do not go wear the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." If you walk into an English teacher's classroom, you might see this quote on a poster, or in curvy script above their desk. If you mention this quote in a room full of people, many of them will say that they love that quote, that it really is such a wonderful quote. Yes, the quote is beautiful, but it is also highly misinterpreted in my opinion. Many people believe that it is a challenge to be different, to stand out from the crowd. So they might like an unknown band, or wear their hair a little differently. Maybe they prefer folk music to pop, or would rather go to a poetry reading than a movie. True, they may be different within their immediate group of friends, but in a world of 7 billion people they are probably not so different. Instead of interpreting Emerson's famous quote as a call to be different, I believe it is a call to be a leader instead. It is a challenge to lead the way! Some people may follow you, some people may not, but the important thing is that you are leading. So what if I organize the same bake sale I did last year? I am still leading.