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Posts by allms
Joined: Oct 19, 2012
Last Post: Nov 25, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  
From: USA

Displayed posts: 8
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allms   
Oct 19, 2012
Undergraduate / swimming with a Russian swim coach- common app diversity essay [2]

Prompt: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

Imagine spending 1182 hours in personal toil and only receiving one encouraging word. This was the situation I found myself in as I joined a new swim team with a Russian coach trained in the Ukraine. As a long-time swimmer, I was used to receiving an abundance of compliments and perpetual motivational speeches from my coaches. However, after practicing for a few weeks on Vladamir's team, I noticed he employed a much different coaching style. I did not hear that reassuring "you're almost there" or "congratulations, you're doing great" that helped me through those grueling two and one half hour practices. I received scoffs and criticisms when I was expecting smiles and compliments. To me, Vladimir seemed like a cold, stern man with unknown expectations.

One particular practice, as I was trying to understand him through his heavy accent, I realized that Vladimir had been trained and surrounded by a whole different culture in Russia and that accounted for his different coaching style and unusually high expectations. He spent over 1182 hours swimming in an environment in the USSR where he did not receive compliments and was simply expected to perform. This stern approach of coaching that seemed so foreign to me was what he went through, leaving home at the age of twelve, and eventually leading to an Olympic medal.

I began to appreciate that Vladamir's refusal to give out compliments was not a slight, but rather that he had a much different ideology on how best to coach and motivate swimmers, based on his experiences and education. He did not feel the need to give out compliments, as he believed one should be motivated without these encouraging words. I did not need to take it personally when I did not receive a smile or congratulations after what I thought to be a great swim or well executed practice set.

It was the fact that he was so different from my previous coaches that made him valuable. He forced me to really think about why I was swimming, something I might not have otherwise. I learned to not swim for praise but to find the internal motivation and self-critique to push myself to meet those high expectations. It became clear to me that the benefit of experiencing diverse coaching styles is that each one can bring out the best in me if I embrace and learn from these differences. I can take this forward into my education and employment to know that diverse teaching and training styles may be uncomfortable to me but can help me grow in ways I would not have thought possible.
allms   
Oct 19, 2012
Undergraduate / my family community- U Mich Supplement [2]

I really like the beginning of it, but maybe take out a sentence or two on the definition of a family and focus more on yours. I like the ending as well! But maybe try flip-flopping the last two sentences? I think it would end it on a stronger note. You should comment on my community essay for U of Mich :)
allms   
Oct 19, 2012
Scholarship / Critique my National Merit essay (a meaningful experience) [2]

wow, really nice job! maybe condense the part where you're describing you lying and bed and beginning to think, it seems a little repetitive. but this is a fantastic essay! i had a similar experience when it came to fighting religion. I had been brought up in the catholic church but it wasn't until a few months ago (beginning of my senior year) that I finally became fully aware that I was atheist and told my parents and all that madness. It really does feel very freeing now! You should read The God Delusion if you haven't already.
allms   
Oct 19, 2012
Undergraduate / My Community- "Secrety Society of Love and Joy" Umich supplement [2]

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

My friends and I were discussing prom one day at lunch, when a girl who looked skinnier than a tree overheard our conversation and passed by saying, "I'm not coming to prom, because I'll look fat in a dress". I was awestruck. How could this beautiful, slim-figured girl possibly think she could look fat, and what caused her to come to that conclusion? We looked around the lunch room, seeing the glum, rainy March sky casting a gloom on our school. Something was not right in the minds of each student, and at that point, my friends and I knew something needed to happen to create a happier and more confident student body. So, we established "The Secret Society of Love and Joy".

Everyday during our study hall period, the secret society would bake brownies or make cards with encouraging statements such as "you're beautiful" or "never give up". We would proceed to walk around the school, peering in classrooms, and picking out the students that seemed they were in the greatest need of a pick-me-up for the day. I, specifically, would write the notes as I was the best writer and most qualified in producing motivational cards.

I could have never predicted the amount of satisfaction and joy I received out of seeing others, especially those who were lacking in self-confidence, smile and laugh at the society's deliverances. Those 50 minutes everyday that I devoted to dashing around the school and ding-dong ditching doors, leaving behind happy surprises were minutes that helped me grow in an unthinkable way. My friends and I felt a closer bond as a result of our knowledge that we were making a difference, and I am confident that everyday, I will spread love and joy to one more person than I did the day before.
allms   
Nov 25, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The Black Swan' - NYU supplement- what intrigues you? [3]

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

I'm majoring in actuarial science, but need help making it more personal! Thanks :)

"Not matching the idea of success others expect from you is only painful if that's what you are seeking" claimed Nassim Nicholas Taleb in his book The Black Swan. In addition to instilling in me a passion to venture into the world of the unknown and try to predict the unpredictable, The Black Swan helped me view life in a whole new manner. The book, written by a professor of risk management, introduced me to concepts used in statistics and actuarial science today. The use of ideas such as deviations, bell curves, and epistemic limitations sparked an interest in actuarial science for me while also bringing up a larger idea in life - one's blindness with respect to randomness. Ironically, the book may ultimately be mocking actuaries and their attempts to predict the unpredictable. As an actuary, I will be attempting to place occurring events on a bell curve and concocting an explanation to decrease this idea of randomness, when in reality, one cannot predict "black swan" events and their massive impact on everyday life. This idea, in essence, was somewhat of an oasis that I found in my world of number crunching and problem-solving, and I hope to keep the ideas in the story present as I work to stifle randomness an actuary. I believe after reading this story, I can use the ideas to my benefit in a career that follows my definition of success.
allms   
Nov 25, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Sharing this success with others' - UC #1- helping my community [6]

I just got done writing my UC essay! it's good but id say add it more describing your community. on the tips, it said to have the majority of your essay being describing your community. yours is mostly just on your role in it
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