Undergraduate / Teen Smoking - Extra-Curricular Common App Essay [7]

The projector emits a crackling sound - each video appears on screen in 30 second to 1 minute segments, allowing for the maker of each to feel proud of their creation, albeit for just a bit. For the past 4 months, "smoking" has been my message. Making a PSA on "teen-smoking" and entering it in a contest for more than just a prize. Staying after-school every day of the week to make the perfect PSA; to send a message to the people who may be watching, and to possibly make an impact on the wide-spread problem of teen smoking. Making a Public Service Announcement is no easy feat. It requires intricate knowledge of the topic, constant editing and revision of the video, and finally; a perfect presentation. The pressure to win a contest with it is even more great, but at the same time, rewarding. Not in the sense that I might win, but to know that I've put my all into making the video; and to hopefully educate others on the topic at hand.

Please critique it as much as possible!

Undergraduate / 'Digital media, creation, and my soul' - College App [8]

I've been working on it for a while now. I need solid critique and feedback! It's been in the works since August yet I feel like i'm not done with it.

Please help point out grammatical errors, inconsistencies in sentence structure, spelling, and how you think I can improve/shorten it. (Because it's past the 500 word mark the Common App sets) D:

Also, sorry if I missed anything in terms of description and topic and such. I feel like this is a more "Topic of your choice" kind of thing, I cant seem to fit it into any specific one.

Creation is invoked by the eyes and skills of the beholder. The world is a canvas; reality is a beautiful painting to be constantly admired, the world around us is a panorama filled with constantly changing attributes - life itself is the opportunity to enjoy the significance of everything that exists.

It's to be desired, perhaps with no more than the hands of an optimistic child - to find a perfect medium to delve into the world of artistry and create amazing things.

Today, digital media is the norm. A camera of any size can encompass an image and instill within it a sense of ingenuity and originality. Photographs themselves express a personal vision that develops into a kind of emotional and creative expression! This is my personal tool of choice, as the wonderful device allows for constant editing, revision, and adjustment to portray the pictures as a part of myself, frame by frame.

As a child of the South Bronx, we couldn't afford expensive cameras. Every week my father would teach me "The Basics" and buy me and he disposable, single use cameras for the small trips we took around the city instead. We'd take the train downtown to a public place and he'd teach me how to utilize the camera in different environments. As a little kid just getting into first grade, the first time I saw a camera, I thought of this weird device as nothing more than a box with a hole in it. Clear ABS Plastic for its lenses: Using Polystyrene for its front and back covers: and 1040 steel for everything else; including the shutter springs, and aperture. Oh, did I forget to mention that the double AA batteries would constantly fall out of the battery socket? It had no zoom; it took grainy, sometimes unrecognizable shots of people, and objects, and it could hardly fit into the palm of my hand! But that didn't matter to my father.

Whenever we found the perfect designated shooting spot, usually In Central Park, we'd crouch down and take shots of the surrounding area, and animals such as birds and squirrels. He'd teach me every photographic technique there was, utilizing the small, lackluster camera as a medium to convey a new sense of life within the frozen image. I didn't think much of it then, but it definitely made the animals look better. Doing this every week and watching my father in the moments he took these photographs made me look at him differently. I didn't see my "father", I saw a man that wore a new sense of ambiance. He was confident and free in a way I didn't understand. A side of my father I didn't know existed until that moment. All I knew at the time is that I needed this freedom and confidence. By the time I was 14 I picked up my first real camera and my journey began.

Every weekend, I'd traverse Manhattan streets with curiosity, and fascination. There is photographic potential everywhere I turned; from the people, to those peaceful moments in the park, to the playful children, to the large buildings that pierced the skies, to the large crowded streets brimming with life and vitality. It is a sight I've known for years, but it keeps evolving. Soon everything became a possible piece of artwork. I became alive with opportunity, being able to express myself in a way I could not before. Creating a beautiful piece of artwork through this magnificent device; full of mystery and wonder. I felt like it makes me feel like I was seeing myself and the world in a new light for the very first time, like I suddenly became captivated by using photography as an insight to life.

I opened my mind and rejuvenated my soul. Adopting an optimistic point of view to everyday activities really changed how I perceive my otherwise ordinary agenda. I love the idea that I can find the beauty in all aspects of life and capture these images for eternity. Really, my love for photography stems from the intricate beauty it has allowed me to see and find solace in.

Undergraduate / 'City boy / Career in media' - Syracuse University Supplements [7]

Hi. May I have some assistance with the Syracuse University Supplements required for the Common App? I feel like my answer for number 1 is lackluster and I don't have a good approach for number 2.

How can I properly answer these questions? ):

Syracuse University supplement questions:

1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

I'm a city boy at heart. Being born and raised in the Bronx, the city was my concrete home, a city with bustling life and a constant sound of existence. However, as I got older, I found myself contemplating where I wanted to go for college. I knew I wanted to get away from home as soon as possible, but at the same time I felt conflicted between staying and leaving. Surprisingly, my school offered the chance to decide for myself in my sophomore year of High School. It was a chance to get away from the city and experience an urban environment for the first time on a college campus.

2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?

I envision a career in media. Over the years, I've adopted photography and film- (not done)

Undergraduate / 'About peanuts and returning from the hospital' - SUNY Oswego personal narrative [2]

I wrote it really fast but I need critique on it so I can mail it in ASAP!

Autobiography essay

I couldn't breathe; on that fateful summer day I gave my parents the scare of their lives. My body hit the ground with a thud and slid across the floor like a rag doll. When I came too, I was in my bed, hearing an ambulance siren from the street below; My mother by my side. Almost immediately, I tried to diagnose my illness by taking a look at myself in the mirror. My bloated face, bloodshot eyes, and muttered speech were anything but good signs, and my repressed breathing made the situation even worse. I could hardly stand, a sharp pain in my chest was restricting my movement, and fueling an intense pain in my left knee. Feeling the tight pains in my chest, I took my asthma inhaler on the corner of the table and quickly used it - "puff, puff, puff!" as my mother helped me crawl back into bed and wait for the doctors to take me to the hospital. How did this happen? At 7 years old, I developed an allergic reaction to peanuts.

Personally, I loved peanuts, they were my favorite snack. My parents would buy dozens of bags a week full of the delectable sustenance; Then we'd smash it up and mix it into our favorite chocolate brownies, chocolate chip cookies, and cupcakes. My apartment always smelled of peanut butter sauce and almonds, and it became a treat for the nose every time I took a whiff. Going back 20 years, in their youth, my parents also used peanut recipes from their days in Africa to recreate all the exotic foods and dressings they made here, and introduced them to me when I was younger. It was a staple in this household to eat most of our meals with some form of peanut accessory, and I enjoyed every second. We lived, slept, and breathed peanuts, and it was an aspect of my life I could not let go easily.

After returning from the hospital, life at home changed dramatically. We had to remove all of those precious peanut-flavored delicacies from the kitchen cupboards, empty the fridge of all peanut-related foods, and literally replace most of our inventory with peanut-free foods. The resulting days and weeks after were unbearable to manage; as for the first time in my young life, I didn't eat peanuts of any kind. Even at school, things changed. At lunch time, I had to be segregated from the main section of lunch tables because they served Peanut Butter and Jelly daily. I could not speak to my friends on my only free period, and I was encouraged to refrain from interacting with them for a period or so after lunch; to avoid being exposed to what we would call: "peanut breath". For the remainder of the school year, I had to carry around an Epipen in case of an emergency.

I felt terrible; cut off, and lost. After spending a year without even a taste of my favorite peanut-flavored foods, I felt at my wits end; and yet, at the same time I felt that it was necessary to deal with this unfortunate turn of events and make a positive out of it (a change). So yeah, I couldn't eat peanuts anymore, but that doesn't mean I couldn't eat other nut related foods. It was an epiphany that struck rather quickly, the realization that despite my allergy to peanuts, I could sample other foods and make out an opinion towards which ones I preferred the most. I now had variety in my daily meals, and my unfortunate diagnosis of a peanut allergy helped me see that.