Writing Feedback / The average weight of people is increasing/ What do you think about this trend? [7]

Hi everyone, I'm Dzung. I'm new member of this forum. I really hope to receive some feedbacks from all of you in order to get a better band score in IELTS exam. Thank you so much.

My topic today is " In some coutries the average weight of people is increasing and the levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problem? What measures can be taken to solve them?

It is undeniable that the population in some developed countries are increasingly overweight and this threats their health and body shape directly. There are several reasons of this alarming trend, but measures could certainly taken to tackle the problem.

There are a number of causes for the exponential growth in the average weight. Firstly, in busy life, many people do not have time to make meals, instead, they rely on fast foods which are incredibly high in fat, salt and sugar are responsible for such ailment as obesity. Another explaination is that advances in technology, in particular to people who spend too much time in front of computer screens rather than relating social activities and physical exercises in the real world. Furthermore, technology such as dishwashers, washing machines and cars also cause people to be lazier.

Consequently, essential efforts should be taken to address these problems. First and foremost, people should eat fresh and make a healthy low fat sanwich to take to work in stead of eating out or fast foods. Secondly, the goverment can help to a small extent by promoting health and fitness. It could for example provide more parks, bicycle lanes and free gyms. Finally, people also should learn how to relax their body and ease their minds in a scientific ways. For instance, taking an eco-friendly vehicle to work or travel, doing exercises regularly at least three times a week for twenty minutes and making a daily schedule in which breaks are involved.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for the increase of overweight population related to the levels of health as well as fitness, and steps neeeded to be taken to solve them.

Please give me some feedbacks. Thankkkkkkkk

Writing Feedback / TECHNOLOGICAL FOODS IS HARMFUL TO PEOPLE'S HEALTH ( IELTS ) [3]

The range and quanlity of food that we can buy has changed because of technological and scientific advances. Some people regard this change as an improvement while other believe that it is harmful. Discuss both view and give opinions.

Opinions differ on whether technological advances in food production are benefical or not. I believe that on the whole the advances do not benefit the health and the public.

On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that technological and scientific advanced has certainly brought some positives. Firstly, almost famers can produce crops that grow bigger and faster as well as modifying crops to be more resistant to disease or insects. The result is that the faster growing cereals, the more profit farmers obtain from fruits and vegetables. Secondly, foods can be processed to look perfect and last longer by using preservative and spectacular packings. Consequently, they may be more attractive to customers.

On the other hand, this development could be more detrimental in terms of environment and health. For example, farming with fertilizers and pesticides is more and more enviromently unfriendly, even causes pollution in air, water and land. Another negative point is that many people now distrust foods that have been modified and processed, they tend to profer organic foods which are produced without chemicals. The most obvious explanation is that there may be risks resulting in serious health problem, such as food poisoning or long-term effects from the genetic enfineering of foods.

In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against advances in food technology, but I believe that this change is far more harmful to health and environment.

PLS give me some feedbacks