Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Nowadays travelling abroad is more convenient and cheaper! [3]

IELTS
Writing task 2:
"Nowadays travelling aborad is more convenient and cheap than ever. Do you think this is a good or bad development?
In the past there were no so many opportunities for our ancestors to see foreign countries, because at first, it costed a lot of mayne and at second it was very hard , for instance, for health, to travel around the world. But these days it has became more convenient. To my mind this aspect has both good and bad sides.

Firstly, I'd mention that person may get more versatile by travelling around the world. He learns new language, he makes acquaintances with new people , he sees a lot of monuments of culture - all of these make him become more erudite and smart. Furthermore, some countries have curative beaches or very good clinics, so that if you can't be given good healing in your country, it wouldn't cost for you much many to go abroad (but of course healing itself may be very pricy).

But there are also bad effects of it on our society. For example, some rich people let their children go abroad and do there anyhing they want. There can be some very bad consequences , and the one I'd like to highlight is high possibility of joining bad company and taking bad experience from it. Because of this reason young folk may get worse and then after coming back to homeland , it may teach to other youngs bad ways of behaving.

To sum up, I reckon that travelling aborad is very useful for people , trying to get more versatile and smart, besides there is a high likelihood of taking bad experience and bringing it back to fatherland

Writing Feedback / 'Our parents and grandparents may be obstacles to the new world order' - [IELTS] [3]

theme: "People are living longer than ever before. At the same time the young population is declining while the number of old people is rising. Will this development be a benefit for society? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in the country?"

In our days there is seen a tragedical trend with declining of young population, meanwhile the number of older people is going up. Some people wonder if it will be a benefit for our society. So do I, and lower I'm about to explain my ideas.

On the one hand, large number of senior generation means that medecine is developing day by day. More medicals are being invented, more people's lives are being saved. Rate of people dying because of deadly illnesses is decreasing , and it has, of course, only positive effects on our society.

On the other hand , decreasing of young people's number is very harmful for our community. Because of boundless attitudes of youngs to their lives {IS IT RIGHT?} , more and more of them die in accidents or because of taking drugs. But young population today is old generation tomorrow, so it's possible to predict {i couldn't do it with other words!} that in near future populace of our globe will be less than today (or is it more effective use word "now"?) Having less population may decrease the level of our economy, which is very sensitive to any changes, happening in our world. It's also vital to note that decreasing of economy's level may make it harder to live by growing of costs and decreasing of salaries...

From my point of view, the main advantage of having more old people is that youngers can learn on mistakes of their predecessors and try to make the world better than it was before. But it comes as an acute problem to understand whether youngs would do it or not. Concerning disatvantages , excluding the possible problem of economy that I've explained higher (before?), I'd mention that elders may be obstacles of developing new, modern culture which, in turn, is step to the new world order.

Summing it up, I want to say that this trend has goods , which are the same as bad sides.

/* I absolutely don't like this essay. What can I change in it? When I read it , I feel like something is wrong in it, I don't mean grammatical errors ! */