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Posts by bonbon11
Joined: Nov 22, 2012
Last Post: Dec 25, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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bonbon11   
Nov 22, 2012
Undergraduate / 'An experienced election officer' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality--Election [5]

Will someone please take a look at my essay? I'm new here and I have no idea if what I wrote is ok.
Prompt: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development?

"Hear ye! Hear ye! The polls are now open!"
These words marked the beginning of an important day, in American history and in my life as well. A few months before the presidential election, I was shocked when Dad asked me, "How can I vote? Do I need to register?", but was even more surprised to find that I did not know the answer. The citizenship that many are automatically given at birth has taken my family ten years to obtain, and yet we were far from truly becoming "Americans". I realized that my parents, who do not speak English, have absolutely no understanding of the voting process, of the candidates, or of the propositions; what's more, neither do I! Hence, I signed up to work as an election officer and arrived at six in the morning to my assigned polling location, eager to help but also with a strong urge to learn more about the election.

At the polls, I started discussing my thoughts with an experienced election officer, a kind woman in her seventies named Linda Interestingly, she told me that she, too, found she lacked knowledge of the voting system many years ago, then pulled out a booklet written by the League of Women Voters, an organization that has helped her gain an understanding of the elections. During my break, I started flipping through pages of explanations about the propositions to be voted on and was fascinated to find that I was able to see connections between the propositions and issues I had learned about the history class. I had some of the most interesting conversations I've ever had in my life with Linda, as we debated our different views on various issues. With a nearly sixty year age difference between us, we had quite contrasting perspectives on certain issues, but also reached an agreement on others. I also found it very satisfying to be able to assist voters in using the voting machines and proudly translated for Chinese voters who could not speak English. At the end of the long, fifteen-hour day, I went home with a Chinese voters' booklet for Dad, a feeling of satisfaction from the insight I had gained, and an even stronger desire to participate in my duties as a citizen. Four years from now, I will be at the polls with my father, fully aware of the choices I can make as an American citizen.
bonbon11   
Nov 24, 2012
Undergraduate / Recently, I found a little "Introducing Myself" card that I made in first grade. Bill Gates II [8]

Hi,
To tell you the truth, I really enjoyed your first paragraph. While it may not be very polished, it was interesting to read and it did show me who you were. However, the second paragraph was worded too negatively, and then slightly too dramatic. If I were you I would take out the INSIDE OF THE INTERNET. Perhaps you can be more specific about what you plan to do. Unlike meisj0n, I don't think it's weird to be negative about video games, but certainly don't use too many similes. I think your essay started off good and if you polish the rest of it, it can turn out great. I hope this helps you. Good luck!
bonbon11   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Personal Attention; Northwestern App/ Why Northwestern? [2]

taught my Professor Jeffrey Winters as my Asian heritage (should be by?)

nice job! your reasons are specific and clear, and I think admissions like that. I'm from Taipei myself so I get what you mean about loud and exciting :)
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