Undergraduate / Recently, I found a little "Introducing Myself" card that I made in first grade. Bill Gates II [8]

Harsh is OKAY! English is my second language so nothing will offend me in anyway. I don't really like this essay and feel like there is some way to improve it but I don't know how to. Thank you so much.

This is 583 words. I need it to be near 500 too but I can't cut words anymore. Please help me. Thank you so much, Habin.

Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Bill Gates II

Recently, I found a little "Introducing Myself" card that I made in first grade. The entries asked for my name, my hobby, my specialty, and my dream. What I put in the "dream" box interested me. I wrote in there "Bill Gates II, to make lots of money and donate all of them before I die." I thought, wow, seven years old Habin was pretty cute. Then I was shocked because when I saw this card, I realized the difference between the two Habins, one five years ago, and one right now; the one who loved computer so much that computer was the source of his power, and the other one who stopped caring about computer and degraded the wonderful machine to mere video game console. Honestly, I was disappointed at myself.

All my life, my whole attention, interest, and effort were devoted to computer. I was nicknamed Dr. Computer in my town and friends. I was even reading a book named "Teach Yourself C++"? The texts were like hieroglyphs. Even though I did not understand half of what it said, I read it out of fascination of the fact that I was reading a programming book, a pure computer book. I devoured everything about computer. Back then, I was the happiest kid in the world. However, at the time when I was living in the virtual world, it suddenly came to me that computer technology had hit its maximum height already, that there is no room for any new invention or further advancement. I came to a decision that I will be forced to stay as a "user," not a "creator," - that I will never be able to become Bill Gates II. It struck me hard. The fire that was burning ever so fiercely just suddenly went out as if someone had cut oxygen.

My engine went off. I was really disappointed and depressed; I could not find anything else to do. During the empty time, when I had nothing to do, I felt like a loser every minute. It was back then when I turned off my interest on computer. My dream did not have a bright future.

Then I moved to America and I started to get exposed to the whole new world. Until like two years ago, I believed that end-of-advancement-in-computer-technology theory was correct. Then I suddenly and explosively became aware of all these new inventions growing inside of the internet. INSIDE OF THE INTERNET, that's why! Of course I could not find any advancement! It was not physical or tangible anymore like it used to be. These new inventions were changing the world in a place where I could not see. As soon as I noticed this fact, so many "new inventions" I never noticed start to surface. It was not hard to notice that internet was going to rule the world.

This explosion relit my fire.
Ideas will come. Like Facebook, Twitter, Google, and YouTube, a brilliant idea will come if I keep strive for a most brilliant idea. Today, what internet can do is truly unlimited. And with this, I will make another curve in the line of people's lives just like what Google or Facebook did. A pen, when you use it, slits the paper, rips itself into the paper and leaves the ink in the slit making it permanent and genuine. Like a pen, I will make a bigger and bolder change and I am preparing myself for that day.

Undergraduate / 'Upon Learning English' UC Prompt [3]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

"I believed that her English reflected the quality of what she had to say. That is, because she expressed them imperfectly, her thoughts were imperfect." - Amy Tan

This quote was my central idea when I wrote an essay for my English class. In that essay I had complained that my poor English was affecting me in a negative way. I said that one's language skill determined the extent of how he is perceived and that because I could not express myself well, I was deemed as a severely limited being. When I got my essay back with my teacher's feedback that said "let me tell you, this is not a flawed thought," I realized that my thought can go unlimitedly far and language is a mere expression tool. Language is nonetheless very important; even if I had a groundbreaking thought, without English, I cannot show any of that which will be uttermost futile. Her comment encouraged me and I was confident that I was capable of being smart. All I had to do was express better.

I came to America on May 26th, 2008. Surprisingly, out of all the things I worried about, English turned out to be the easiest to deal with, or at least I thought so. I picked it up quickly and within a year people started to ask me if I were born in here. (Those comments made my day) My English was good enough to go through a day and live a basic life and I was content with it. However, as I grew older and got acquainted with more intellectual people, my shortage of English skill started to surface. People simply expected more from me, something more than minimum. When my stage moved from basic to scholastic discussion I just was not ready yet and I saw frustration everywhere: in me and in them.

The only solution was improving my English. I discovered that just being in school was not enough and that I had to actually study English. I memorized vocabulary, studied grammar, read books, watched TV shows for countless hours, and avoided Korean-speaking friends. This process was much slower and frustrating. Being someone who believed himself as an English genius who picked up the language so quickly, getting actually good at it took so much more effort and time that often left me disillusioned. But I paid more attention to my friends, listened to them better, and gave my best effort on my relationship with other people.

After a year, I noticed my social life improving, which I earnestly wanted. I became the section leader of my choir section which required lots of leadership and language skills. Here I am writing this essay in English, applying for the nation's top schools. I have come a long way and I still have a lot more to go. I cannot say I am proud of myself yet, but I hope it will change soon.