Undergraduate / 'first forced practice' - Deficient -- Common App Prompt #1 [7]

So this is my essay answering the following prompt: "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you." Any pointers or help would be extremely appreciated and I'm grateful for any tips! Thanks!

I feel sick to my stomach as I sit fidgeting in the bright and airy Spongebob-themed room. The door opens, and I ignore my mom's reassurances and promises that this can be fixed. I focus only on the serious face of my doctor, and instantly, my last glimmer of hope for good news crumbles. Anemia. The word swirls around the room, lingering like a burnt scent as its meaning hits me. The prescription: diet changes and rest. No exercise. No running. No cross country.

I haven't always been a distance runner. It happened more by accident after a military move to Japan during 6th grade. Desperate for something familiar in a country I didn't know, I set out to join some sort of spring sport, unaware that the only one offered was track. My sprint relay debut--a true comedy act involving two dropped batons, a lost shoe, and a last place finish--was the unlikely hook that led me to distance instead. Forced onto the distance team against my strongest protests, and in spite of the gruesome blisters and drudgery of endless laps, my initial desires for a one-season commitment began to fade. The sport had grown on me.

Since that first forced practice, distance running has been one of the biggest constants in my life. The schedule of cross country in the fall to track in the spring to conditioning over the summer is the same no matter what school I go to, a little slice of order in my otherwise dynamic life. I've fallen in love with the familiarities of the sport, something that became all the clearer when they suddenly fell beyond my reach. I've missed the feeling of victory as my legs defeat hills marked as the enemy, the steady rhythm of my heartbeat providing the perfect soundtrack for a silent morning run, the sheer adrenaline rush of sailing over a finish line that seemed far out of reach. These are the things that keep me waiting on the sidelines, eager to rejoin my teammates. Running is as much a part of me as breathing, and though I can hold my breath for a little while, it's not something I can do forever.

Being anemic and being a runner has been a challenge. Though I'd like to say that I've had a positive attitude throughout my entire recovery, that would be a lie. I've always sought to be in control of everything within my life, but I've learned that sometimes I just have to go with the flow. My senior season was supposed to be flawless, but it hasn't been. The changes I've had to make haven't been easy, but they've been necessary. By being flexible, I've regained the chance to have the feeling of freedom that running gives to me. I know that someday soon, I'll be back again in my racing flats, tensed on a starting line, waiting for the gun to sound. The process can be frustrating and is often trying. Sometimes I would like to quit, but then the runner in me takes over. I won't give up because I'm determined to stay in the race. No matter what I do, I will always finish, and I will always finish strong.

Undergraduate / Various Short Essays, 'Growing Up Military' 'Fighting the Wheel' - Brown University [5]

These are 1st drafts, I need some help revising. Any suggestions on improving overall impact would also be appreciated. These essays stress me out. /:

Here's the prompts!
We all exist within communities or groups of various sizes, origins, and purposes; pick one and tell us why it is important to you, and how it has shaped you.

She is from nowhere, yet has friends everywhere. Her life has been defined by its impermanence and she has mastered the delicate art of saying goodbye. She can greet you in Icelandic and she sometimes dreams in Japanese. She has watched a flag as it was raised to half-staff and learned to appreciate the fleeting nature of life. She seeks out the kids alone in the lunchroom because she too has felt the silent sting of invisibility. She has tried fried octopus and lamb dogs, realizing that to find the best things in life, you can't be afraid to try the bad too. Her world has been forged in upheaval, leaving her to haphazardly learn to be malleable. Her childhood of travel has instilled an unwavering curiosity for exploration and a craving for diversity. Even though her dad missed her birthday once, she couldn't be more proud of him, for it has been his example that has taught her to be resilient. Her name is Megan Cooney and she is a Navy brat, ready for whatever life throws at her.

The limit is 1000 characters and I'm at 998. I wrote it in third person, but I don't know if that's too risky or not... Opinions??

And the second!
What is something you created that makes you especially proud, and why?

My fingers, cracked and bleeding, bore the scars of battle that had taken their toll. My adversary was heartless, and as I slumped back down onto my scuffed stool, its venomous hum seemed to whisper an enticing order of surrender. For weeks, I had watched as my fellow amateur ceramicists brought to life what my blundering hands rendered formless. My defeat seemed to be fated, leaving me jarred when I found myself pulling up walls and spinning a shape that I recognized. With walls askew and a spiderweb of cracks spread across the base, it was clear that every aspect of the bowl was hideous. But it didn't matter to me. I had finally won the brutal war, and to my eyes, it was a masterpiece.

The limit for that one is 700 characters and I'm at 696...

Any help is appreciated and I'll return the favor! :)

Undergraduate / Why Swarthmore? Quirks. - Swarthmore College [3]

So this is the prompt:
Why Swarthmore? Please write a brief statement telling us why you have decided to apply to Swarthmore in particular.
The limit is 2000 characters if you use the text box, but you can also upload your own essay which is what I plan to do...

It's still a rough draft so any suggestions are appreciated!

A 3:1 tree-to-student ratio. The chance to watch a Motherpucker game. Thoughts of a lazy afternoon spent lounging on the Big Chair on Parrish Beach. In the midst of a monotonous journey through the facts and figures of brick-tower academia, these were quirks that would come to make my visit to Swarthmore stand out in my mind. Months later, this rang especially true as I began to finally tackle the grueling college application process. Swarthmore was at the top of my list.

From the moment I arrived on campus, everything about Swarthmore's appearance seemed to communicate my undefined collegiate hopes. The storybook setting, filled with the calming splendor of nature made me yearn for a camera left at home and as consolation, my eyes sought to soak up all the wide-open space had to offer. The serene ambiance of the many trails, quietly curling through the Crum Woods reassured me that my passion for running would not be relegated to the dreadful fate of fitness center treadmills. The town itself, small and tight-knit, idyllic in appearance, and only twenty minutes from all the opportunities and excitement a big city like Philadelphia has to offer, convinced me that while I wouldn't become just another face in a crowd, I could go get lost in one if I wanted to. In short, I was smitten. As a Navy kid used to small communities and close ties, I welcomed the feeling of familiarity that Swarthmore radiated and I felt as if I was right at home.

While it was the wide-open beauty of Swarthmore that drew me in, it was the unique academic environment and warm student community that served to capture me. The sheer number of classes available to me at Swat was astounding, and the endless opportunities presented by belonging to the Tri-College Consortium guaranteed that I would never be able to fully satiate my many different interests. Touring the campus made me aware of all the nuanced benefits of a Swarthmore education, from the personal attention and face-to-face connections that only small classes can provide, to the excess of beautiful buildings wholly dedicated to academic growth and discovery. My tour guide radiated pure enthusiasm for the school and while her genuinely friendly nature may seem insignificant, sometimes it is the smallest things that make the greatest impacts. Her attitude only served to emphasize that helpful collaboration, not competition, serves as a cornerstone of a Swarthmore education. It is through this elimination of the typical cut-throat GPA war that the greatest ideas have a chance to take root and grow through friendly debate. Swarthmore serves to foster growth, not stifle it, something I find to be indescribably appealing.

Months after my visit to Swarthmore, I have struggled to find a simple explanation for why I'd like to attend. No single reason can fully encompass everything that the school has to offer, as the school's merits are as diverse and unconventional as its student body. Every aspect of Swarthmore would allow me to pursue all of my eclectic passions and haphazardly discover where I'm going in life. Trial and error are welcomed and failure is embraced as an integral part of success, as nothing is ever gained by playing it safe. I can rewrite old pieces of conventional wisdom or spend a day analyzing the traditional wisdom that history has to offer, and it is the intellectual freedom that Swarthmore would give me to do so that is truly unbeatable. Nothing is overlooked at Swat, and there is no other place that I would be more proud to attend.