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Posts by sunnybunny
Joined: Dec 25, 2012		 Last Post: Dec 29, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 10  
From: Germany

Displayed posts: 12
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sunnybunny   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Majoring in Unafraid- Barnard Sup 2012 [6]

this is my essay, please give me feedback! I'm not a native speaker so there might be spelling/comma mistakes. ;)

I remember those warm sunny days, on the playground as a young girl. I used to swing so high, my feet nearly touched the branches. I would feel like nothing could ever stop me, like I could touch the clouds if I wanted to and tried hard enough.

At fifteen I won a scholarship to attend a UWC. Being surrounded by highly intelligent overachievers made me feel like I wouldn't be able to keep up with their pace. The frustration I experienced upon discovering my limits threatened my motivation and determination to crumble. However, with time I came to realize that the power of being the best does not compare to a strong community of individuals with different strengths and the ability to support and teach each other. Accepting my weaknesses, while appreciating my strengths by remaining humbly confident took courage. During my first year at the UWC I began what I hope will be a lifelong journey of majoring in unafraid.
sunnybunny   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Majoring in Unafraid- Barnard Sup 2012 [6]

black and white

Thank you! This is a supplement, it is only allowed to be 1000 character which it is, so I can't add any more. Should I cut something so that I can elaborate on something else? I will read through yours!
sunnybunny   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / "We make a life by what we give"- RUTGERS /What you take & give to Rutgers community [6]

This is also what my teacher who helped me with my personal statement told me rather than to tell the admissions officer that you 'like' dancing and what the dances where called, reflect on what you learnt / how it affected you/changed you to be immersed in a different culture, and how did it challenge you to be skilled in organization? etc. SHOW / REFLECT don't just say I did this and this...

Good Luck!!
sunnybunny   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Majoring in Unafraid- Barnard Sup 2012 [6]

I remember those warm sunny days, as a young girl on the playground. I would swing so high, my feet nearly touched the branches, making me feel like nothing could ever stop me, like I could touch the clouds if I wanted to and tried hard enough.

However, when at fifteen I started junior year at UWC, I found myself surrounded by highly intelligent overachievers, and thought I wouldn't be able to keep up with their pace and couldn't do everything I wanted to afterall.

The frustration I experienced upon discovering my limits threatened my motivation and determination to crumble. However, with time I came to realize that the power of being the best does not compare to that of a strong community of individuals with different strengths and the ability to support and teach each other. Accepting my weaknesses, while appreciating my strengths took maturity and courage. During my two years at the UWC I began what I hope will be a lifelong journey of majoring in unafraid.

This is what I edited, also language in general. do you think it is better?

Also do you think it is better to say

a) "...threatened my motivation and determination to crumble."

or

b) "...threatened to crumble my motivation and determination."

Thanks!!
sunnybunny   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Page 217 of diary ;U Penn; Why penn? [6]

thinking about how difficult it is to allocate funds for projects in corporations

change to : ..."thinking about the difficulty of allocating funds for projects in corporations"

again off to study Artificial Intelligence at the School of Engineering and

But I amwas still overflowing with energy

Good Luck! And please help with mine ;)
sunnybunny   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Empowerment/Independence/Healthy environment; Barnard Supplement - "Why Barnard?" [6]

1.How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to apply? Why do you think the College would be a good match for you?

I had never considered a single-sex education when my college advisor told me about Barnard. However, after talking to graduates of women's colleges, reading articles and visiting the Barnard campus, where I found myself surrounded by welcoming, confident and intelligent women, I was positively surprised. Especially when a current student told me that at Barnard "everyone was that girl" after conversing with me about education, I knew that I wanted to call this place home for the next four years of my life. I would be inspired to grow in areas I already have some experience in, such as the work with children, by volunteering with HEAL or by founding a Barnard Children's Chorus, find new interests and expand my knowledge, a rigorous yet enriching experience encouraging personal growth. Additionally the liberal arts education, supported by the Nine Ways of Knowing and the small class sizes which enable relationships to professors appealed to me due to my interest in many different topics and my appreciation of engaging in-class discussions. The geographical location of New York would enable me to continue cultivating my passion for the arts, through visits to the MET or the Frick Collection. I identify strongly with my gender and am interested in issues dea, which is why I would feel comfortable in Barnard, surrounded by young women who feel the same. Learning about empowerment and independence while living in an environment that is not isolated from the other gender seems like a healthy environment to grow into a strong, intelligent and mature woman.

This has to be shortened quite a bit, about 1/3 - it's allowed to be 1000 characters! I think the last few sentences are not very expressive and specific.. please help with over all language/grammar/comma .. shortening and feedback! :) thanks
sunnybunny   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Empowerment/Independence/Healthy environment; Barnard Supplement - "Why Barnard?" [6]

I was welcomed/ Virginia Woolf; Barnard College; Good Match/ Majoring in unafraid

How can I extend the second one? please give general feedback and language/punctuation help! thanks xx

2. Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about? (1000 ch.) 864/1000

"Good Morning Mrs. Woolf" I said rather quietly as I approached the illuminated silhouette of a woman with her hair up in a bun, sitting on a bench at the river. "You can call me Virginia," she replied, turning her head to meet my eyes with a dreamy yet determined gaze, "have a seat."

My fascination for Virginia Woolf started three years ago when I read The Waves, and she has been my favourite authoress ever since. I admire the beautiful delicacy of her sentences, combined with a sharp literary accuracy not found in many writers. However, it is not only her creative genius that I admire, but also the woman in her, the feminist. We would talk about language, being a woman, feminism in the early 1900s, her views on the role of women today, her thoughts about society and values, and her opinions on what needs to be done in order to improve these standards.

3. majoring in unafraid (1000 ch.) 972/1000

I remember those warm sunny days, as a young girl on the playground. I would swing so high, my feet nearly touched the branches, making me feel like nothing could ever stop me, like I could touch the clouds if I wanted to, and tried hard enough.

However, when at fifteen I started junior year at UWC, I found myself surrounded by highly intelligent overachievers, and thought I wouldn't be able to keep up with their pace, and couldn't do everything I wanted to afterall.

The frustration I experienced upon discovering my limits threatened to crumble my motivation and determination. However, with time I came to realize that the power of being the best does not compare to that of a strong community of individuals with different strengths and the ability to support and teach each other. Accepting my weaknesses, while appreciating my strengths took maturity and courage. During my two years at the UWC I began what I hope will be a lifelong journey of majoring in unafraid.
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