Undergraduate / UT Austin Statement of Purpose; 'I only had minimal interest in the human body' [4]

Hi,
I am currently a student at University of South Florida and am looking to transfer to University of Texas-Austin next fall. I know writing isn't my strong point so I wanted to get some feed back on my admission essays before I sent them in. The essay was given the following prompt:

Statement of Purpose

This is what I have written so far:

Initially, when I walked into my anatomy class my senior year; I only had minimal interest in the human body. Little did I know by the end of the year I would be devoted to becoming a doctor and intensively studying the science of human anatomy and physiology for years to come. I've always had a strong interest in pregnancy and fetus development, and the discussion in class on this specific topic inspired me to do further research. After hours of exploring, I found that this branch of anatomy, the female reproductive system, greatly intrigues me. My fascination in these studies and my personal ties to the subject, ultimately led to my desire to be a Perinatologist, a high-risk pregnancy doctor.

Throughout my moms phase of trying to have children she has had several miscarriages. Although she has never personally opened up to me about the devastation of losing an unborn child I can imagine the heartache. However, an aunt on my father's side, who also dealt with terrible difficulties during multiple pregnancies, shared with me the deep pain she faced losing a 1-year-old child. Hearing these personal experiences from my immediate family not only made me hope to have a healthy child bearing experience of my own, but to help other women who face similar obstacles.

Not only will I be able to receive my Biology degree in a shorter amount of time at The University of Texas than at my current school, University of South Florida, I feel that I will obtain a better overall education. UT is nationally ranked over 100 spots higher than USF. Additionally, I would be happier living in an upbeat, liberal city like Austin that offers me opportunities that better fit my desires. Overall being at The University of Texas would bring more positive feeling into my life not only influencing my happiness but would increase the value of my work.

Like every first year student with the dreams of being a doctor, I have received much scrutiny about what and why I exactly want to do in the medical field. The only difference is I have a concrete answer to both questions, answers that will push me through every obstacle that I face. As young women, one of my major goals in life is to be a mother. If I were to ever have issues conceiving, carrying, or giving birth to my children, I would rely heavily on doctor to help me in any way they could. Thus, I would like to provide that same security to other women. For the amount of time I am spending in school, especially pursuing a medical profession, it is important to me that I am going to school somewhere I thoroughly enjoy being. When I have my dreams set on something, I will do everything and anything possible to get to that point.

I feel like it looks really short and weird on here, but it's about 3/4 page long and i still have some info to add to the second paragraph

Undergraduate / GIRLS WITH TATTOOS; Transfer to UT Austin- Issue of Importance [6]

Hi,
I am currently a student at University of South Florida and am looking to transfer to University of Texas-Austin next fall. I know writing isn't my strong point so I wanted to get some feed back on my admission essays before I sent them in. The essay was given the following prompt:

Personal Essay

Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

This is what I have written so far, any feedback is appreciated!

Sitting in the basement with all our friends, my brother and I looked at each other as his friend conveys to us his opinion on girls with tattoos. Being respectful, I listen as he announces that women with tattoos do not respect themselves, are trashy, and are all around bad people with bad personalities. He goes on to say he would never want to be seen in public with one and could not even fathom the idea of having a romantic relationship with a girl who had a tattoo. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, but his was to the point of hurtful. Any women with a tattoo would have been highly offending by the words coming out of his mouth, including myself. It was very clear that he had no clue that I possessed not only one tattoo, but four.

I have not known Alex long, but we were close friends and he had told me before, he enjoyed my company. Not being able to hold my tongue I say "So, what do you think of me as a person?" At first he seems confused, but then answers the question telling the group that he thinks I am funny, smart, and I am a really fun person to be around. I sit taking this in noticing my friends look at me with a curious look knowing about the bomb I am about to drop on Alex. So I do, "Well, I have four tattoos..." He is at a loss for words, which I expected. He now knows I was extremely offended by what he said and that his belief system that all girls with tattoos were "bad people" was ruined. Alex tried fixing what he said by saying that mine were probably all small and really unnoticeable. Except I pointed out that they were not, and dropped the subject.

Our friendship since then has always been strained because he knows he was offensive and it was wrong. My point was not to make him uncomfortable and to ruin our friendship, I enjoy being friends with him, it was to show him not to judge people on their looks. The matter of judging people before you get to meet them is hugely important to me because I have experienced a situation in which someone whose opinion I valued, would have looked down upon me if he had seen my tattoos before getting to know me for who I really was. It is something we all do from time to time whether we notice it or not, but it is something we should consciously try and refrain from. You never know how deep your words are going to hurt another person.

Another reason why it is significant to my life is because I grew up being overweight and having very little self-confidence. Being made fun of growing up based solely on what you look like is not a good feeling; it makes you feel worthless even when you know you have so much to offer the world. After years of feeling sorry for myself and wishing that things were different I decided to make a change. It was not a simple or fast-paced transition but gaining confidence in yourself is one of the most sensational feelings in the world. Not only do you not let others bring you down but because you have been in that dark place before you do not put others down.

I know how dreadful it is to look in the mirror and hate yourself and want nothing more than to be someone else. I also know how uplifting it is to be able to know I got through that and that I am a better person today because of it. I believe that no one, boy or girl, deserves to feel like that are undeserving because some one else judged them. There is no way you can look at someone and tell that because they have a tattoo on their arm or their hair is blonde that they are going no where in life. It can be the most unfair and torturous action you can take to make a judgment upon someone based on how they look or dress before getting to know them.

Not only is this important to me on a personal level but also, judging people before you get to know them can reach national significance. The simple act of judging someone can lead to suicide and hate crimes. Teen suicide rates are climbing and this is partly due the how worthless these teens feel, which could easily be the result of them being judged. Hate crimes are a prime example of deeming someone less worthy based solely on their appearance and not their character. A hate crime is deliberate violence against a certain race, ethnicity, or religion.

I know what it is like to be on the receiving end of judgment. Therefore, I do my best to base my opinion of someone on their inner qualities rather then letting their external appearance overwhelm my first impression of them. Although this issue seems overwhelmingly obvious and simple it's a very complex and a predominate matter that people face in their everyday lives. My hope is that my current generation will instill solid morals in their children and raise them to respect all people.