Undergraduate / Common App extracurricular short answer first draft. Why Golf is important to me. [5]

I would take out the part about "while other classmates are out to socialize or watcht TV" It's a bit repetitive.
Elaborate more on golf being a metaphor for life. It's very interesting.

Also, be more concise with this part: "I learned patience through the repetition that is needed to grasp the many intricacies of the swing, accountability since score keeping and officiating are part of the game, and hard work through the hours upon hours that I have spent practicing, trying to become the best that I can be. " I'm sure if you even need to explain how you learned the importance of those three traits. If you want to keep it, make it stronger.

Scholarship / Essay for Freshman Scholarships [4]

I think you should use an anecdote about your family teaching you something life-changing that had a significant impact on your life.

Undergraduate / AMAZING OPPORTUNITY for LOW INCOME STUDENTS; Upward Bound Bridgee [7]

Thanks for the input. I know that I want to be a teacher (ever since the 3rd grade :D) , but I was going to incorporate that into the question about "What's your defnition of a role model? How have you been a role model in the past? How do you plan on being one in the future?" I just need to make sure I don't end up repeating myself in the questions because the answers could be rather similar.

For the project proposal, there's no restrictions on what it can be. It's very openended. I just want an idea that is outside the box, grabs their attention, and something that could truly give back to this amazing program. I want something different. I'm not sure what exactly.

Would it be easier if I attached the actual application?

Undergraduate / Medical ophthalmic assistant; Personal Statement-Why becoming a PA? [2]


This seems to be just thrown into the essay at the end of the paragraph. Try to incorporate it better earlier in the paragraph.
Also, check your spelling and grammar. There's lots of typos in it.

Instead of saying "all I need is an interview opportunity," perhaps say "If given an interview opportunity, . . . "

Undergraduate / AMAZING OPPORTUNITY for LOW INCOME STUDENTS; Upward Bound Bridgee [7]

Dear Upward Bound Senior,

Enclosed please find the Bridge Student Application for the summer of 2013. There are many seniors who are quite deserving of this honor. We strongly encourage those students to apply who have been dedicated to their success and who have capitalized on all of Upward Bound's resources in the achievement of their own goals over the past three or four years. The Upward Bound Program is not the reason for any student's success, or failure to succeed. YOU need to take complete ownership of your successes and your challenges in life. However, you made the choice to join this program, and you also made your choices along the way on how many of our opportunities you would utilize in achieving your goals. The Bridge Program is the last "official" opportunity that we have to offer to you; we hope that you will take advantage of this opportunity to the fullest extent.

It is important that your application is COMPLETED by the deadline of February 25, 2013. Incomplete applications will not be considered. In order for your application to be complete, use the following checklist as a guideline.

Summer Project Proposal
The classes that UB Bridge students take begin on June 10, prior to the start date of the regular UB Summer Academy, and they conclude on July 12, prior to the end of the regular UB Summer Academy. This leaves a span of two weeks in which the Bridge Students are living on campus, but are not enrolled in classes. Because of this fact, the Upward Bound program has instituted a requirement that Bridge Students plan and complete a Summer Project over the span of the seven (7) weeks that they are living on campus. Examples of past successful summer projects that epitomize valuable contributions to the UB Program include: scanning and organizing old photos into a movie for the annual Alumni Reunion, creating a recruitment PowerPoint or movie that would attract new students to UB, beginning a manual/guidebook for the Bridge Program, creating a "scrapbook" featuring artifacts from the history of the program, organizing a community service effort involving other UBers, planning a large group educational experience (activity, presentation, etc.) for the entire UB Program, planning a fundraising experience, etc. The possibilities are endless!

Your task is to create a proposal for a possible project that you would complete if you were chosen to be a Bridge Student for the Summer Academy 2013. You may create a proposal that you would complete as an individual, or you may also plan to work collaboratively with other Bridgees on a project. The proposal form is enclosed with this application. All Bridge Summer Projects will be approved and finalized prior to the start of the program, and they will be completed with the continual guidance and supervision of the UB Director.

Title of Project: ______________________________________________________________________ _
Check One:  Individual Project  Group Project
Goals/Objectives of Project (three minimum):
Brief Description of Project (Include within your description why this project is of value to the UB Program)
Resources Needed for Successful Completion of Project (supplies, people involved, space, transportation)

Essay Questions
On separate sheets of paper, please type your answers to the following questions. Title each page with the question(s) and your name. Make sure that you read the question carefully, answer completely what is asked, and take adequate time to craft your response.

1. Why do you deserve to be chosen as a Bridge Student? (Please be specific and provide concrete information and examples related to your accomplishments. Avoid discussing other potential applicants' positive/negative qualities.)

2. If you are chosen to be a Bridge Student, what are three goals that you have for the experience? (Make sure that they are SMART goals!)

3. Define the term role model. In what ways have you served as a role model in the past, and how might you expand your service as a role model for your fellow Upward Bound students as a Bridge Student this summer?

(Can other students look up to you because of your attitude, accomplishments, adherence to policies, and the way that
you treat other people?)

4. Identify one area in your life (academic performance, attendance, behavior, etc.) that you feel you need to
improve, and provide a brief plan outlining how you will address improvement in this area. Include ways in which you feel that the UB staff could help you in your effort to improve during this year's Summer Academy.

Undergraduate / AMAZING OPPORTUNITY for LOW INCOME STUDENTS; Upward Bound Bridgee [7]

I think I would like to devise a way to try to bring people in UB closer.

Thank you for the ideas! It gives me something to reflect on. I'm going to try to create a rough draft on it by tomorrow.