Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) Child-care courses, best way to up date childcare? [6]

i m not an english expert but i feel there are few errors in sentence making and some mistakes:

*"Some people believe that childcare training courses (are) best way to teach the parents,"

*"Most of them leading* leaving* separately from their parents and don't know how to handle the children." (inappropriate sentence)
you may write:
most of them are living seperately, thus, missing the day to day childcare guidance of their elders.

* "Secondly, due to the popularity of nuclear families these parents hardly get a chance in their early life, how to look after a child. "(i dont understand this sentence...it seems meaningless..)

* "Through attending, these courses which highlight this and its right practice are make both parents and children happier."
you may write:
by attending these courses and practicing them will make the parents and children happier.

* "Finally, there is an influence of generation gap in the way of caring the child. "
you may write:
generation gap also influences childcare.

*"Previously, people are used to depend on the natural ways of is child caring by giving the warmth of the mother and the shade of the siblings" (inappropriate sentence)

*" Young children learn skills, manners and discipline from their brothers or sisters, with* (which) are* (is)
disappeared now." (also the sentence seem inappropriate to me)

*"To conclude, in my opinion, the right knowledge at right time will be beneficial for both parents and children. Hence, I strongly believe that this* (these) courses are the best way to update the child care knowledge in young parents*." (is this essay about young parents?)

Undergraduate / I WAS BORN IN RIYADH; Story line of MY LIFE [4]

good effort lulu! but you need to relate the sentences and then slowly move towards other things.
few grammar mistakes as well.

Writing Feedback / Where Children Should Grow Up; ENGLISH WRITING [3]

hi,
i think there are few things to correct, and you also need to work on your sentence making. i also feel that the topic is not clarifying itself.

Today, a lot of families go to the city from the country, (try to avoid such words, alot, lots of etc...)
Today, many families/ people living in countryside are moving towards city.

and some people who lived in the rural district says that it is worse for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city.because (give reason? why they think so..)However, I do not think so. I think that parents should bring up their children in the countryside. (give reasons...why you think so.. and explain those reasons in the body of the essay...next paragraph)

Opponents (who opponents? not an appropriate word) people claim that the number of educational facilities in rural areas are very small, so children cannot choose a good education for themselves. However, i think that in today's hi-tech world children can take good lessons because of the development of the Internet technology. People usually have devices with them that enable them to use the Internet, for example, personal computers, cell phones, and so on, so they can get an ideal education wherever they are, even if they are in the countryside.

Opponents also say that theit is also said that rural district is getting depopulated becauseas more and more people are deserting it for the cities. and Because of thatthis reason , the number of children in the countryside is smaller than that in a big city. Therefore, they can make fewer friends. Itwhich is not good for them. However, this insist is not true. Because of the development of the Internet (you have already said this line), more children canwith the use of social networking services, for example,such as Twitter, Facebook, Mixi, and so on. etc, Ifthey can use such services, they can make many friends without meeting each other.

The final argument advanced by opponentslastly, it is also said thatis that children can seehavefewerless jobsopportunitiesand few fields to choose for example, teacher, farmer, clerk at small shops etcand so on. Accordingly, there are not so many occupations that children can aim for. However, i feel, in the present day , they can get much information from internet about what occupation theylikewant to chooseand else on the Internet . Children can expand their interest by using the Internet.

For these three reasons, I insist it is better for children to grow up in the countryside.
write something else for conclusion. dont just defend, give reasons of whatever you think. for example, they should be brought-up in country side because of healthy environment, there is less environment pollution in countryside than cities etc.. give more strong reasons.

Undergraduate / I WAS BORN IN RIYADH; Story line of MY LIFE [4]

lala 1991

my name is lulu.(give space) I am 20 years old (fullstop is placed just after the sentence without spacing) .(space) I was born in Riyadh on 26,oct,1991.(space) I am the only girl in my family.theymy parentswaswere very happy when i came to thewaslife born.(space) I have two brothers I love them so much.They made my life sweet and happy.i am the only sister of my two brothers, who made my life sweet and happy.

One there is always a person canwho haves a lasting effect in your decisions and the way you perceive life. It is that one person who knows you the best,and that person has the most influence on your life.This person can be evenverymore inspirational Attach file(s) if it is someone close to you or a relative . In my case, it is my big brother who has a prominently impactedon my life. He has been there to support me in my many decisions, whether they were smart or foolish ones. It is due to my brother that I am the ambitious, responsible, and respectful person that I am today.

My big brother has been amy wonderful friend.(space)his name is...., He is 23 years oldno space) , studying atinksu (use CAPITAL LETTERS or full name) KSAin college of law and Political Science.(space) my second brother Muhammed is 19 years old (no space).,

he studying engineering in the UK.(space) he is sensitive no space) , stoical(do you mean social??) and lovely person.
Throughout the course of life, each person experiences obstacles that have long lasting effects on themhim/her . These obstacles help shape thea person's point of view and lifestyle.

The first real stress in my life was the divorce of my parents. My parents got divorced when I was five years old, and, at that time, I did not truly understand what hads happened. Deep in my heart, I wished that my mother would come back and everything would be well again. It did not happen. For ten years, Ime and my brothers lived with my father., then, we moved to live with our mother.

Friedrich Nietzsche said, "Everything that does not kill you makes you stronger." I agree with him, because after the analysis of my own livelife, I understand that I havebecamebecome more thoughtful, humane, and just a better person in general as a result of all of the obstacles that I have overcome. I have started to pay more attention to my future by revisiting and analyzing the past.

Now I am a positive person and I believe that God will make all my dreams be truth.come true.

Letters / I can have wonderful time to work with children; Cover letter- teacher assistant post [4]

correct the spelling of KNOWLEDGE and ESPECIALLY