Essays / Retreat; The city had finally fallen to the invaders! [9]

One good story, you carried me with it.. with the action scenes and dramas..
but we have to know why the characters were fighting. is this a long-term battle or something? i guess you have to at least clear the setting.. what, where, when and why? but that aside.. it's a wonderful piece..

Writing Feedback / [GRE Issue task] Sports stars & movie stars have obligation to behave as roll models [5]

Ok, I've seen your point. But i think you're going redundant with some words [responsibility].. try using some others.

Stars earn a lot of money. It cannot be denied that this large amount of money goes to them for their effort and brilliance in acting or sporting activities, but they should fulfill the social responsibility too because it is the society that they are affecting to get that large amount of money. If a star pay his/her tax timely, a lot of people will be encouraged to pay tax timely just to follow their icon i think this is a little bit too much? idk. :))

They should have their own way of leading their life. The responsibility to society should not be imposed on them as a burden. They earn the money by hard work and they have the right to spend it in their own way as well as live their lives as they wish. this is kind of contradicting your view...

I've seen typos also.. but i think you can work on that..

but that aside.. you've supported your view very strongly.. and i can see you're on the right track..

P.S. This is all from my opinion so.. :))

Writing Feedback / "my worst day in recent memory"; College Essay [2]

forty-fourth president
It wasn't clear to me how can this be the worst day? i mean. what makes it the worst? clearly state/show it. also cut your first sentence.. the topic can't hold that much of a thought.. probably split the sentence.. and if you're planning to add more details .. then do support why I wasn't having much luck in the "City of Freedom".

Graduate / "Nate, wake up! We have to go to the emergency room!"; CASPA NARRATIVE [3]

Nate, wake up! We have to go to the emergency room!tell the readers why you have to go to emergency room " With my legs quivering and my heart trying to escape my chest, I grab the first articles of clothing I see and bolt out the front door. The sun hits me like natures flash bang and in my adrenaline driven daze I can make out what seems to be a person laying facedown on the concrete. Who knew that a routine bagel run for my mother would turn into an accident that would change her life forever? Realizing the situation, we loadedYou started your sentence in present tense.. be consistent up the car with the essentials for a few overnight stays in the hospital. After a river of blood and a screeching panic, the journey to the ER had finally ended and the morphine had taken over the nerves. She had broken her cheekbone and toretorn cartilage off her knee. You might need to make this a new paragraph . After a few days and a couple surgeries later, we finally were able to bring her home. Although it seemed that the worst had past, the road to recovery had just begun. With my dad constantly working and my brother away at college, I had to tend to her and make sure she was making a comfortable recovery. Over the next several months, my priorities had changed drastically. Instead of going out and socializing I was inside changing bandages and cleaning up wounds. I would cook, clean, and be on call for her every need. I had somehow sprouted new interpersonal skills, contacting doctors and lawyers to set up appointments, while juggling phone calls to insurance companies. I had felt like a completely new independent person. this is a new thought so might as well make a new paragraph This experience was an immense turning point for me because it was the first time I realized what I wanted to do with my life, help injured people, to put it simple. No one ever wants to see someone they love in pain, it's the worst feeling in the world knowing you can't fix a problem right in front of you. Life throws obstacles at you everyday, but it's how you deal with those events that definesdefine you as a person; I feel like this experience has done just that. Through these rough times, my mom and I had bonded (not sure about this or you can use had bound ) on a whole new level and created an even stronger mother-son relationship. Throughout my pursuit of the medical field, she has been my strongest support system and motivation.

Entering college I had found myself stressing over what kind of healthcare provider I wanted to be. I want to be someone who has the knowledge of a doctor but the interpersonal skills of a nurse. It wasn't until the end of my second year at college where I was introduced to the physician assistant career. Before this I had never heard of a PA let alone know what they do. So I started my research on PA's and instantly fell in love with the career. In collaboration with doctor's and other healthcare providers I would be able to perform procedures as part of a strong medical team. This career is exactly what I was looking for and over the past year is the only thing I have been working towards. I am very excited and dedicated in pursing this career path. I feel that my compassion and passion for the medical field will only help make me and my peers become better healthcare providers.

*** also i think you narrated too much rather than adding more support to your purpose [which im guessing is becoming a PA] probably add more support if you don't wan to cut the narrative part to make it even stronger..

also.. be consistent of your tenses in your paragraphs.. i probably missed some of them.. :))