Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by lilmisha
Joined: Mar 21, 2009
Last Post: Apr 8, 2009
Threads: 3
Posts: 17  
From: usa

Displayed posts: 20
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
lilmisha   
Mar 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments [18]

Subject essay is given "Never too Buff"
It is about the obsession with body images that boys and men have that is unrealistic. What society through the media,magazines,and toys show in the subliminal that are damaging the images young boys are trying to achieve. And how it's only obtainable by the use of steroids or the obsessive behavior that it causes.

We have to write an argumentative essay agreeing/refute a claim he has made.
" More than half of the boys aged 11-17 chose as their physical ideal an image attainable only by using steroids: So, they do."(Cloud, 2008,p 50)

I would like help with creating a thesis.
I have two examples of thesis statment which i came up with: Which is best if any?
#1 Teenage boys are subjected to subliminal messages by the television shows,magazines,computer games and even in society which will cause phychological disoders mentally and phycially.

#2 Extremes of this obsession of body image that pop culture demonstrates through TV, magazines and society will eventually turn our young boys to the world of drug abuse.

Which thesis if any is good?
lilmisha   
Mar 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments [18]

Thanks Kevin, I will considers both of the revisions. However, we are doing a critical reading assignment that speaks about subliminal messages in the media, in this particulary essay.

I do like the, "unhealthy notions" ending though... you don't think that may be to vague? My essay body would be explaining or convincing the reader that it's unhealthy which is causing these boys to have psycological problems, and abusing steroids to attain those unrealistic body image.

The unhealthy notions, is that replacing the psycological disorders and steroids?
Could you state the entire thesis again.
Thanks, Misha
lilmisha   
Mar 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments [18]

Sean or Kevin,
I came up with this revision, what do you guys think?
Teenage boys are subjected to subliminal messages and unhealthy notions in television shows, magazines, and computer games which can cause psychological disorders, and abuse of steroids trying to attain an unrealistic body image.

Misha
lilmisha   
Mar 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments [18]

Thanks Sean, for clarifying that for me. We were on the topic of a video, when subliminal messages were brought up. I will gladly accept your suggestion. Thanks again!
lilmisha   
Mar 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments [18]

Could you please look this over and offer any suggestion? This is my draft. We have to use apa format.
I know my closing is week, can you offer any suggestion!

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), "Children are influenced by media - they learn by observing, imitating, and making behaviors their own." (2001, p.1224) Often we blindly accept the images and messages that the media gives us even if we know it's unattainable. Cloud claims, "The name which refers to the gorgeous half man, half God of mythology, may be a little too ready for Oprah, but, this theory behind it will start a wonderful debate."(Cloud, 2008, p.49) We must help today's youth to examine the media for messages about what is ideal and often unrealistic. Teenage boys are subjected to implicit social pressure and unhealthy notions in television shows, magazines, and computer games which can cause psychological disorders, and abuse of steroids trying to attain an unrealistic body image.

Psychological distress is the end result of factors of psychogenic pain, internal conflicts, and external stress that prevent a person from self-actualization and connecting with significant others. The eating Disorders Awareness and Preventions Inc organizations (1999) emphatically states, "People with negative body image have a greater likelihood of developing a disorder and are a more likely to suffer from felling of depression, isolation, low-esteem and obsession with weight loss. (Pipher, 1994, p.1) I believe it goes hand in hand with self esteem. It seems as though when a person is uncomfortable with their body image they tend to shy away from people and reality. I can relate, how someone would feel insecure, especially in my younger years, there were times when my weight would fluctuate and I would isolate myself. I felt as if I didn't measure up to the perfect image, even when people would say I wasn't fat. I know it consumed my emotions and constant thought to the point of isolation. For many years, it seemed as if it was just a female issue about negative body image, until Cloud, made us aware that it is a growing concern with our young boys, he states, "More than half of the boys 11 to 17 chose as their physical ideal an image attainable only by using steroids."(Cloud, 2008, p.50)

Advertised images have also been recently accused of setting unrealistic ideals for males and boys are beginning to risk their health to achieve the well-built media standard. There are triggers for the disorders among boys that are differing among girls. Boy's disorders include excessive physical activity, fragile sexual identity, demanding expectations of competitive sports, muscle building and ideals of physical perfections. Peer pressure and media images of buff bodies may be driving a growing number of teenagers to turn to potentially dangerous supplements to bulk up their bodies and improve their body image. Teens who feel that way are up to twice as likely to try supplements to achieve those goals.

A new survey shows nearly a third of teenage boys and girls say they frequently think about wanting more toned and defined muscles. It's the largest survey to look at the use of hormones, supplements, body image, and media influences among teenagers. The results show that teens' dissatisfaction with their bodies goes far beyond wanting to be thin and may lead them to use potentially dangerous steroids, hormones, or other supplements. Warner, J. (2005) WebMD Medical News. The mental abuse and pressure some parents, coaches and the media that put on adolescent boys to perform is ultimately leading them to drug abuse to achieve these unrealistic goals. Sometimes we tend to push our kids to much, for reasons of our own disappointments in life. Usually, when it's that motive it a driven passion that will ultimately destroy the goal because of the obsession with achieving that goal..

Researchers say their findings that are in the magazines, Pediatrics show that the media and peer pressure attribute to influence on teen supplement use and body image concerns. They also stated that boys who read men's fashion or health or fitness magazines were than twice likely were more than twice as likely to use supplements at least weekly to increase muscle tone use supplements at least weekly to increase muscle tone. As a result it is causing boy's to have a unlikelihood of a feeling of confident about their body and to take drastic measures to achieving it.

In the end, we as a society must find ways of sending positive messages for young boys to emulate in healthy habits of achieving their goals..
lilmisha   
Mar 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments [18]

First off Mustafa, I would like to say, You state,"It would be unfathomable for a person to expect themselves to look like a professional bodybuilder.

My essay, is on the perception young boys have on these images, which they idolize. They are very impressionable and vulnerable at this age. You also mentioned that the International Federation of bodbuilders take steroids, they do? because it's banned, they are illegal.

You also mention that these body builders are genetically gifted, if so, then why take steroids?
Steroids alter your DNA among a whole list of other crippling and possibly fatal occurances.

I do agree that you can obtain a great muscle toned body, by working out, but not the extreme images and unrealistc images that are portrayed.

Each to their own opinon, but first, do some research, be informed of the dangers.
lilmisha   
Mar 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments [18]

Sean and Kevin, I appreciate your time helping with this essay. I'd rather not express any more to Mustafa, even though I stated those same feelings. He is too angry and closed minded to hear anything constructive. Thanks, Misha
lilmisha   
Mar 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments [18]

Now, reading with my defense down, I can take advantage of his point of view.
Thanks again,
Sean
Oh Mustafa, thanks, if you just stated your argument with the insults, I would have been a little more open to see your point.
Nevertheless thanks, Misha
lilmisha   
Apr 3, 2009
Writing Feedback / Advertisers, affecting our childs thought process [9]

We had to read two essay's relating to commercialism and advertisement, the affect on children.
The one essay is "Lunchbox Hegemony" author Dan Cook takes a closer look at "kiddie capitalism" and the history of the child consumer.

The second essay is "Which One of These Sneakers Is Me?" Douglas Rushkoff explains in this article that the younger generation is more consumer savy, forcing retailers to rethink how they brand and market goods. But Rushkoff explains , it's a game they cannot win.

I agreed with both authors in how they perceive that the marketers prey on the minds of the young, with values and beliefs others than their parents.

I had to take views of both writers and incorporate into my claims in my essay.

"Targeting the Young"

The materials they use to create their own meanings are preprogrammed with brand identification, gender, race, and class cliché's and standards good- bad dichotomies. And, as any marketer will tell you, exposure to target market is nine-tenth of the brand battle." (p.113) Dan Cook (2008) writes in his essay "Lunchbox Hegemony". Children are being targeted by advertisements to purchase their products. Parents feel pressured with all the advertisements and are almost forced into giving in just to have peace. Children are no longer seen as children they are controlling households in a way so that they will nag their parents for the things they see advertised, thus causing strife, stress and misery in the family. It's almost as if they have lost their innocence of childhood. Children are given power and rights over their parent's beliefs. Parents should take back control of their children's purchasing behaviors.

I have noticed in the past decade or so that parents are just giving in to their children's want because the pressures of the media are too much for them to compete with. As stated by Cook, "The cultural marketplace is now a key arena for the formation of the sense of self and of peer relationships, so much so that parents often are stuck between giving into a kid's purchase demands or risking their child becoming on outcast on the playground." (Cook, 2008, p.113) Being a parent, I found myself constantly teaching my son Brandon, to be unique and not feel compelled to follow others. I never taught him the typical practices, it was always out of the norm, I encouraged him and exposed him to many cultures and practices to allow him to be well rounded and unique and comfortable in whom he is. He soon found out that his fellow peers viewed him with having his own style and mind with a very different attitude. I recognized that he soon enjoyed being different and separated himself from the mainstream and aimed to be different. While other kids wore T-shirts or hoodies because that is what all the advertisers were promoting for young boys to wear for school clothes, I refused to allow Brandon to do it. I dressed him in shirts, khaki or jeans. We as parents must not allow these corporations to identify who our kids are, we must teach our children to have high self esteemed with values is important and helps to determine the decisions we make in our life. If we become independent thinkers and choose to be different and not easily persuaded into the average thought processes, just maybe these markers will appeal to no one.

Because merchandisers use these trends to create different social stereotypes children, are left trying to define themselves by the brands. As Rushkoffs states in his essay, "Which one of these sneakers is Me" (Rushkoff,2000,p120 ) Especially with children, they are very impressionable and easier to convey these messages too: they are in a state of trying to identify with themselves it causes them to identify with an existing image, not of their own. We must be their foremost role models. It's a shame when these marketers prey on children to promote products and values in these children when the parents often disapprove. Some kids do pick up on the tactics the marketers are doing. That's when more research is done to identify these defenses in order to address these countermeasures and on it goes. (Rushkoff, 2008, p120).

Not long ago parents had the foremost influence over their households. Yes, kids did sneak and hide a magazine here and there but they were not exposed like today. Adults that were strangers could not impose values or beliefs on a child without the consent of a parent. Children were able to have an imagination through listening to the radio. It was the only from of advertisement, then came the TV which gave a visual connections for the marketers to use or sneak into the minds of children. Nowadays the electronic age makes it easier for these companies or marketers to attack your kids without you even realizing it. I remember a time when children were dependent of their family's views and morals for their development of their character, now with the bombardment of aggressive commercial culture the relationship between children and their parents are breaking down. This causes a degradation of family values.

Children are given too many choices. Children today have attitudes as if they are protected by the rules of the courts, and as parents we are just financially responsible. But you can't tell them what to do. Why? Because society has given them rights and they are reminded of them in school. I remember a time when children weren't exposed to much advertisement making it easier for parents to control what was shown to them. In essence, society is educating our children with values not of our own: whether you like it or not. Children today have a much different approach to even my generation. They are definitely informed consumers. Cook states, "What is troubling, though, is not just that kids demand goods by brand name as 2 years old."(2008, p.115) Children are ultimately getting their way, and society has taught them that a demanding attitude is an effective tool for getting their way. The culture of catering to children and the bombardment of the media has made it difficult for parents to do parenting. Society, has discreetly introduced ideas into children minds without parents' permission.

As a result children are forced upon this culture forced and dictated by the media and not from a loving family. They are stripped away from their innocence and the security of a family, for the benefits of the marketers and big corporations for their profit.

Children are no longer seen as innocent children they are controlling households in a way so that they will nag their parents for the things they see advertised, thus causing strife, stress and misery in the family. Parent must bring back the values and morals of raising a child over what these big corporations have done to the family. Parents must come to recognize that these are their kids. The government can't do parents job for them, but it certainly can give them the legal rights they need to stand up effectively to these large corporations that target our kids. They should not feel under pressure by a culture designed to nag until they give in, and to usurp the function of instilling values and morals in their kids' lives.

Can anyone give me ideas on my essay on the closing! or overall essay
Thanks Misha
lilmisha   
Apr 5, 2009
Writing Feedback / Advertisers, affecting our childs thought process [9]

Wow! thanks, Tyler and Kevin so much for your suggestions. I find it hard to express myself in writing but, with much practice I will eventually get better at it.

Misha
lilmisha   
Apr 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / Advertisers, affecting our childs thought process [9]

Yes, actually I attended a banquet over the weekend and it involved many forms of dancing.
I love to dance, once I get over my fear and a glass of wine then I seem to glide to the rhythm quite easily.
lilmisha   
Apr 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / Advertisers, affecting our childs thought process [9]

This is the final draft. I did not address who "they" are in the first sentence because, it's a quote exactly taken form Dan Cook essay "Lunchbox Hegemony"

Is it any better?
lilmisha   
Apr 7, 2009
Writing Feedback / Advertisers, affecting our childs thought process [9]

Yeah, I do understand how someone would perceive me as being old fashioned. I wil introduced that thought more tastefully. Your suggestion I must have overlooked, I will add it to my statment to cushion the blow.

Also, my professor encouraged us to put our personal anecdotes in the essay.
Thanks again,
Misha
lilmisha   
Apr 7, 2009
Essays / Convincing my professor that I understand: Structure of Writing [5]

My English Class is quickly coming to an end. We have a persuasive argument we must make to convince our Professor that we have learned the required objectives to pass the Eng 112 course.

This is my intro and thesis statment. Can anyone give me some advise, whether i am on the right track or not?

Before attended English 112 I was unclear of the structure of writing. I did not understand fully how to organize my thoughts on paper by planning drafting and revising, in order to develop more complex papers. My lack of ability to analyze and critique a reading and utilize research to support my ideas was weak. I could critically read and understand the main point the author was making, but I could not express it in a claim that he made through development and style to a certain audience. I had no understanding on how to cite materials used within a text and thru APA style. I intend to prove that all of my misunderstanding about writing when it relates to structure, purpose and development and research are at satisfactory expectations for the level of Eng 112. And I feel most confident that I have obtained the required objectives of the curriculum in basics writing skills and will continue to use the resources available to assist me in my future courses at DeVry..

Misha
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳