Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by guy2010
Joined: Jun 20, 2013
Last Post: Jul 12, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: China

Displayed posts: 6
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
guy2010   
Jul 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay-Professional athletes do not deserve the high salaries Y or N? [5]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Professional athletes, such football and basketball players, do not deserve the high salaries that they are paid.

With a growing awareness of maintaining health, sports, in this day and age, have gradually become indispensable parts of daily life. Some well-known professional athletes have even been considered as role models to the many teenagers. A question, however, may be laid on whether athletes deserve high salaries. From my view, the answer is definitely positive.

To begin with, simple as it might appear to be, not everyone that loves sports is qualified as a professional athlete. In fact, the applicants are selected in an extremely strict process, fighting with numerous competitors. Not only does a professional athlete require natural physical abilities, such as, height, flexibility, and leaping ability, but also diligence and hard workings. It is they who make the competition more fascinating, so they deserve high salaries. Michael Jordan, a basketball player who enjoys a widespread fame worldwide, is a shining example of the point. Born with unparalleled talents, Jordan possesses a height of 1.98 meters and an incredible leaping ability which impressed Chicago Bull Club in the 1986 NBA(National Basketball Association) Draft. Through arduous training and countless injuries, Jordan has won six NBA championships and five Most Valuable Awards in his athletic career with an annual pay of 14 million dollars. Meanwhile, a large number of people have become basketball fans because of the excellent performance of Michael Jordan. No one has ever complained about Jordan's high salary, simply because people think he well deserved the payment. Clearly, nobody will blame a great athlete who has been well-paid.

Secondly, high salaries appear to be an essential incentive to attract talented people, contributing significantly to the prosperity of a sport. As a matter of fact, a sport is unlikely to thrive if its players are not well-paid. After all, people barely have the inclinations to devote themselves into low-paid and insecure jobs. The US Today, a prestigious newspaper in America, also acknowledged this point last year, with a poll showing that nearly 83% of respondents believed the high salary was a top priority to consider when choosing future careers, after that came to personal interests, opportunities for promotion. As a result, with participation of more talented people, the sport will be become a more competitive contest, which are bound to be a key factor to commercially success. Thus, the clubs are more willing to pay high salaries to its players. In return, players will work harder. It seems to be a mutual benefit. Therefore, it is safe to say that large income for athletes guarantees the continuing success of a sport.

To sum up, due to the high requirements for professional athletes and the importance of large income to attract talented people, players deserve what they have been paid.
guy2010   
Jul 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay-Professional athletes do not deserve the high salaries Y or N? [5]

Thanks for your advice~I have revised it a little bit.. how about this ? "With a growing awareness of maintaining health, sports, in this day and age, have gradually become indispensable parts of daily life. More and more people start to engage themselves in sports, such as, playing basketball and watching competitions. Some athletes have even been very popular with a majority of individuals. A question, however...."

Besides, are there any problems with the rest of my essay? such as body structure, reasoning, grammar? looking forward to your further advice. thank you~ :)
guy2010   
Jul 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay-Professional athletes do not deserve the high salaries Y or N? [5]

In the first sentence you talk about why sports is important and in the second one you talk about how sports professionals are perceived by others.

Thanks for your advice~I have revised it a little bit.. how about this ? "With a growing awareness of maintaining health, sports, in this day and age, have gradually become indispensable parts of daily life. More and more people start to engage themselves in sports, such as, playing basketball and watching competitions. Some athletes have even been very popular with a majority of individuals. A question, however...."

Besides, are there any problems with the rest of my essay? such as body structure, reasoning, grammar? looking forward to your further advice. thank you~ :)
guy2010   
Jul 12, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL/ Do you agree that professional athletes deserve high salaries ? [8]

Countless sports celebrities show on the TV, attending many social activities,.theyThey work more than training, and they get their pays incredibly higher than common people.

I suggest you learn some basic grammars. There are many run-on sentences in your essay. Sentences have been joined together without a conjunction or the correct punctuation. That will kill your scores.

Further, the conclusion paragraph is needed in TOEFL essay.
guy2010   
Jul 12, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay-Movies should present positive values. Y or N ? [7]

TOPIC :Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television programs should present stories in which good people are rewarded and bad people are punished

Over the past few decades, no one can deny that movies and television programs have become indispensable parts of our daily life. And a question may be laid on whether films and television dramas should present stories in which the evil are punished and good men have a happy ending. As for me, the answer is positive.

First, some movies or television programs are imposing a considerable influence on youngsters. In fact, children and teenagers are especially vulnerable to the negative effect from the media such as gratuitous violence and distorted values. Furthermore, kids frequently consider main characters as their role models, mimicking them either consciously or unconsciously. For instance, a gangster film was really popular with the young people decades ago. The character, wearing smart clothes, driving a sports car, and living in a villa, was envied by teenagers. Moreover, being so powerful and rich that the gangsters were able to "do away with" anyone they hated on a whim without the punishment from the law enforcements. All of this seemed to be really a temptation to young people. Worse still, very often they regarded these gang leaders in the movie as "role models", trying very hard to imitate the way those gangsters acted in the movie. Soon they became ill-tempered and vented the rages against innocent people. Thus, what I have discussed above obviously illustrated negative impacts of movies and televisions toward the young people if the media fail to present healthy values in their works.

Secondly, watching films and television dramas is generally considered to be a wonderful way for people to obtain some relaxation. If the evil, in the stories, prevails and good men end up badly, audiences are unlikely to feel good after watching these works. In fact, happy endings are always expected by most of people who intend to watch the films or programs at the very beginning. Media, thus, should fulfill people's expectations, making them feel a sense of fulfillment and happiness. The US Today, a prestigious newspaper in America, also acknowledged the point last year, with a poll showing that nearly 83% of respondents tended to be more delighted when watching the films or television dramas in which heroes succeeded. Screenwriters, therefore, should present more positive values that the good are rewarded while the bad punished in their work, aiming at satisfying most of the audiences, after all, we pay to watch.

To sum up, not only has the media exerted a profound impact on the teenagers, but also it is a wonderful way for people to relieve themselves. Consequently, screenwriters have the responsibilities to show more positive and healthy values on their works.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳