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TOEFL Essay-Professional athletes do not deserve the high salaries Y or N?


guy2010 2 / 4  
Jul 11, 2013   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Professional athletes, such football and basketball players, do not deserve the high salaries that they are paid.

With a growing awareness of maintaining health, sports, in this day and age, have gradually become indispensable parts of daily life. Some well-known professional athletes have even been considered as role models to the many teenagers. A question, however, may be laid on whether athletes deserve high salaries. From my view, the answer is definitely positive.

To begin with, simple as it might appear to be, not everyone that loves sports is qualified as a professional athlete. In fact, the applicants are selected in an extremely strict process, fighting with numerous competitors. Not only does a professional athlete require natural physical abilities, such as, height, flexibility, and leaping ability, but also diligence and hard workings. It is they who make the competition more fascinating, so they deserve high salaries. Michael Jordan, a basketball player who enjoys a widespread fame worldwide, is a shining example of the point. Born with unparalleled talents, Jordan possesses a height of 1.98 meters and an incredible leaping ability which impressed Chicago Bull Club in the 1986 NBA(National Basketball Association) Draft. Through arduous training and countless injuries, Jordan has won six NBA championships and five Most Valuable Awards in his athletic career with an annual pay of 14 million dollars. Meanwhile, a large number of people have become basketball fans because of the excellent performance of Michael Jordan. No one has ever complained about Jordan's high salary, simply because people think he well deserved the payment. Clearly, nobody will blame a great athlete who has been well-paid.

Secondly, high salaries appear to be an essential incentive to attract talented people, contributing significantly to the prosperity of a sport. As a matter of fact, a sport is unlikely to thrive if its players are not well-paid. After all, people barely have the inclinations to devote themselves into low-paid and insecure jobs. The US Today, a prestigious newspaper in America, also acknowledged this point last year, with a poll showing that nearly 83% of respondents believed the high salary was a top priority to consider when choosing future careers, after that came to personal interests, opportunities for promotion. As a result, with participation of more talented people, the sport will be become a more competitive contest, which are bound to be a key factor to commercially success. Thus, the clubs are more willing to pay high salaries to its players. In return, players will work harder. It seems to be a mutual benefit. Therefore, it is safe to say that large income for athletes guarantees the continuing success of a sport.

To sum up, due to the high requirements for professional athletes and the importance of large income to attract talented people, players deserve what they have been paid.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jul 11, 2013   #2
With a growing awareness of maintaining health, sports, in this day and age, have gradually become indispensable parts of daily life. Some well-known professional athletes have even been considered as role models to the many teenagers.

... Well, I don't see a strong link between these two ideas. In the first sentence you talk about why sports is important and in the second one you talk about how sports professionals are perceived by others. You should have started talking about sports guys and how they are admired by their fans. Then you should have tackled the argument. What is more important is introducing your prompt to the reader and then stating your position on the argument.
OP guy2010 2 / 4  
Jul 11, 2013   #3
Thanks for your advice~I have revised it a little bit.. how about this ? "With a growing awareness of maintaining health, sports, in this day and age, have gradually become indispensable parts of daily life. More and more people start to engage themselves in sports, such as, playing basketball and watching competitions. Some athletes have even been very popular with a majority of individuals. A question, however...."

Besides, are there any problems with the rest of my essay? such as body structure, reasoning, grammar? looking forward to your further advice. thank you~ :)
OP guy2010 2 / 4  
Jul 11, 2013   #4
In the first sentence you talk about why sports is important and in the second one you talk about how sports professionals are perceived by others.

Thanks for your advice~I have revised it a little bit.. how about this ? "With a growing awareness of maintaining health, sports, in this day and age, have gradually become indispensable parts of daily life. More and more people start to engage themselves in sports, such as, playing basketball and watching competitions. Some athletes have even been very popular with a majority of individuals. A question, however...."

Besides, are there any problems with the rest of my essay? such as body structure, reasoning, grammar? looking forward to your further advice. thank you~ :)
elan 3 / 9 1  
Jul 12, 2013   #5
WOW I'm practicing this article too.

I like your article! It's skillful! Strong structure and explicit explanation!(far better than mine)


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