Essays / United States Naval Academy Essay; 'armed forces' [4]

For as long as I can remember I have had the desire to serve my country in the armed forces. My father, being in the Army, has always pushed me to the Army side of things but I have always had the mind set to be best and in my opinion the best is the Navy Seals. After visiting the Virginia Military Institute with my father I realized that military based schools are some of the top tier schools in the country. Knowing that I wanted to be a Navy Seal I talked to a senior on my old swim team that applied and got accepted to the Naval Academy. He told me it was by far the best school he visited and the swim team was amazing. I did some research and then talked to my dad about visiting and we planned to visit one day that he was off work. When we first showed up I was already impressed with how beautiful the campus was and after the presentation I was even more impressed.

This is what I have so far, any suggestions?

Writing Feedback / IELTS:Good members of society - Who's Responsible? [4]

You have a good amount of grammar and spelling issues to fix. I will help you with some of them now.
- Organizations
Also in this line: First of all, school is the first place where children obtain formal education, including knowledge about nature as well as culture and researching skills.

Change to: First of all, school is the place where children FIRST obtain a formal education, including knowledge about nature, culture and researching skills.

Chance this line: Pupils are taught how to learn the alphabet in phonetic sound form and write simple sentences right in the primary school.
To something like this: Pupils are taught in primary schools to learn the alphabet through phonetic sound and writing simple sentences.

Recheck your grammar and then post again and I will reread and help you out.

- Flakah

Essays / Getting nomination for Naval academy [3]

I am seeking a nomination largely because receiving this nomination would be a large step closer to a goal that I have had since I was younger. This goal is to become a United States Navy Seal, they in my opinion are among the top soldiers in the United States.

^^^^ ** This is what i have trouble with**---- I don't know how to state my goal of navy seals in a different and unique way...

I feel that it's not about just simply being qualified: it's about exceeding the qualifications. I feel like that is what I do as an applicant. I have become a great self-motivator and I am determined not just to meet the standards that are placed in front of me but to surpass them and in turn become a better person.

** the last question I don't really know how to put it in there, I want to become a commissioned officer because my dad inspired me and i can't see myself doing another job.**

Writing Feedback / Which is more important to you?A Business Or A House [6]

Give more specific reasons why purchasing a business would be better than purchasing a house. You gave one example but it was an obvious one, try to get more in depth.

Writing Feedback / When students move to a new school, they sometimes face problems. [2]

The problem with your reasoning is that most schools have sports year round that almost anyone can participate in. I think that maybe there should be a program ran by students that welcomes students into the school and show them around. Someone could be assigned a new student and show him around the school and bring him into conversations with his friends so that he doesn't feel left out. Your other reasoning I don't really understand, rewrite some and i'll help you again.

Essays / United States Naval Academy Essay; 'armed forces' [4]

Naval Academy

(1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how
the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
(2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you
feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.

Main Goal: Seals

1) Initial interest
- Navy Seals
- I loved the campus
- Seemed like a challenge that would be fun to take on
- prestegious school
- I especially like the 'Honor' codes and concepts that are emphasized.
The unique education, "moral, mental, and physical",
made me want to attend an academy versus going
through a [N]ROTC program at another school.
- Not a slack college or a joke college
*- This school would prepair me more than any other school to become what i want to be

2) Personal experience that has changed your own character development and integrity
- Swimming in general
- Dad going on tours when younger
- Switching teams

For as long as I can remember I have had the desire to serve my country in the armed forces. My father, being in the Army, has always pushed me to the Army side of

things. My dad has supported me with every decision I have made in my life, he repeatedly reminds me to not give in to complacency and to strive to be the best and my

opinion of the best is the navy seals. After hearing about the naval academy from a senior at my high school I did some research and took the tour with my dad shortly

after. About half way into the initial hearing I realized that the naval academy was probably my best bet at getting where I want to be in the next 10 years of my

life.

help please!!!