Posts by Raleigh9

Raleigh9

Sep 1, 2013

Undergraduate / Strains and stresses of living away from home while learning; "why Yale?" [4]

What up internet?

I would really appreciate any thoughts, comments or ideas about this short essay i have to write for my app to Yale. (100 words max)
Thanks.

Having been educated at a boarding school, I understand the strains and stresses of living away from home while learning. Yale's residential college system is very attractive for me because I have experienced the camaraderie and unique, long lasting friendships that are quickly formed in residential houses/colleges. Combine this with a world class education, a chance to immerse oneself in a completely different culture, and a stunning setting. Yale is clearly offers an unmissable academic and extracurricular experience for someone from the United Kingdom looking for a stimulating education that goes beyond pure academia.

Not certain about the last bit concerning "pure academia" as it kinda suggests I'm not an academic or interested in academics...

Raleigh9

Sep 1, 2013

Undergraduate / Secrets... Everyone holds them; Arcadia University [4]

Ok, I see what you are trying to do and it is quite a good idea, but it needs some major revision. If I was an admissions officer reading this I would feel this is a rather condescending essay. It also is rather broken and doesn't quite follow any distinguishable route, it's as if you just wrote it and didn't look over it at all. My suggestion would be to start at where you ended ie. the imagination. The imagination is a rather cliche topic in my opinion, but if you can do it well it has potential. Post a revision and I'll help you with that if you like.

Love,
the UK
PS: perhaps I don't like this because I don't have the capability to understand what you are saying :p

Raleigh9

Sep 2, 2013

Undergraduate / Strains and stresses of living away from home while learning; "why Yale?" [4]

Yeah brilliant cheers. The extra "is" is a typo which i accidentally left there after editing. Ok then, perhaps try saying how good it looks from outside America? The problem is that many look good from outside America and there's not a HUGE amount of college specific stuff that i actually know. Of course.

Raleigh9

Sep 2, 2013

Undergraduate / 'I live being on stage' - Common App Essay- prompt #4 [5]

Yeah i agree. Overall I think it is great, I don't know about the technicalities of it but is onstage two words? The thing i would perhaps change is the bit about the coming out of your shell part. Obviously i know basically nothing about actual applications and stuff but if I was writing a piece i would try and find a slightly more formal less clichéd way of putting it. Otherwise I think it is a really well written essay. It ready very easily while not being overly facile and tells something unique about you. If i were an admissions person i would be really interested to know more about you as an applicant.

all the best,
the Uk