What up internet?
I would really appreciate any thoughts, comments or ideas about this short essay i have to write for my app to Yale. (100 words max)
Thanks.
Having been educated at a boarding school, I understand the strains and stresses of living away from home while learning. Yale's residential college system is very attractive for me because I have experienced the camaraderie and unique, long lasting friendships that are quickly formed in residential houses/colleges. Combine this with a world class education, a chance to immerse oneself in a completely different culture, and a stunning setting. Yale is clearly offers an unmissable academic and extracurricular experience for someone from the United Kingdom looking for a stimulating education that goes beyond pure academia.
Not certain about the last bit concerning "pure academia" as it kinda suggests I'm not an academic or interested in academics...
You need to work on your grammar here and tell something more unique to yale .
Having been educated at a boarding school, I understand the strains and stresses (not sure if it is correct expression) of living away from home while learning. Yale's residential college system is very attractive for me because I have experienced the camaraderie and unique, long lasting friendships that are quickly formed in residential houses/colleges. Combine this with a world class education, a chance to immerse oneself in a completely different culture, and a stunning setting. (Join it with next sentence to make it grammatically correct) Yale is clearly offers an unmissable (grammar error) academic and extracurricular experience for someone from the United Kingdom looking for a stimulating education that goes beyond pure academia.
I don't think your grammar is too much of a problem, but even so I would have someone who is good with that kind of stuff (like an English teacher) look it over just in case. But I think that what you are missing is something specific. Yale is a great school and lots of people want to go there for the reasons you mentioned, and they probably get a lot of applicants whose essays sound a lot like yours. I think it would really help if you included something that you especially liked that others may not write about, e.g. a professor whose research interests you, a particular extracurricular activity, some sort of quirk about the school. If you can't think of anything, definitely work the international-student angle.
I hope that everything works out for you with Yale! Would you mind reading my essay, as well? I could use some feedback.
Yeah brilliant cheers. The extra "is" is a typo which i accidentally left there after editing. Ok then, perhaps try saying how good it looks from outside America? The problem is that many look good from outside America and there's not a HUGE amount of college specific stuff that i actually know. Of course.
