Writing Feedback / TOEFL IBT - altruistic behavior (Integrated Writing) [4]

Hello Everyone,
I need some tips about my essay from the grammatical and logical aspects. any comment will be tremendously appreciated.

<My essay>

The topic of the passage and the lecture talks about the side effects of those who practice altruistic behaviors, and what they gain in exchange by doing it. Some examples from the lecture have been pointed out as opposing examples to the passage, therefore, the lecture explicitly refute the passage in some points.

First, the passage claims that in a group of meerkats. Those who are employed to guard, are most likely to practice altruistic behavior, thus, when they stand guarding while the others are eating, they benefit nothing from this act. In fact, when they see a predator coming they give a cry alarm to alert the others to go seek for shelters, in contrast, the lecture refutes this point by claiming that when a sentinel is guarding, its stomach is already full and when it sees a predator coming it will be the first one who run away. In addition, the lecture claims that this alarm cry might cause the group who are eating at high risk.

Second, the passage claims that when humans are practicing altruistic acts, they gain nothing in exchange or least reward, however the lecture refutes that claim by saying that when someone gives a kidney to a relative or even a total stranger, they will be appreciated from both strangers and society.

In conclusion, at first glance, the argument in the reading passage seems to be somewhat convincing. However, based on the evidences that the lecturer provided, the lecturer refutes the points made in the reading.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Why some like to engage in dangerous activities? 'joy and happiness' [3]

Greetings, everyone. I would like to see some comments about my essay. Any comment will be highly appreciated.

Question :

Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? Use specific reasons and examples to support
your answer.

My essay

There are many people who are attracted to dangerous sports as much as other activities.I believe that some people drag themselves to dangerous activities for two main reasons. First, for happiness which is a moral feeling. Second, for the reward they get after doing those dangerous activities. In this essay I will explain more details to support my opinion.

To begin with, some people see dangerous activities as an art. Practicing such activity for the sake of itself brings joy and happiness, therefore, when some people do something, most likely a dangerous sport or an activity, they feel extreme happiness. In other words ecstasy. That is why they put their lives at high stakes to finally feel happiness.

Secondly, other people do dangerous activities for the outcome they get after a while, what I mean by that is money. When some people see that a dangerous activity brings money at the end, they are willing to put their lives at high risk. Moreover, they are even willing to put someone's life at danger. Having said that, it means that they can even kill innocent people just to get money.

To sum up, people are attracted with dangerous activities for two main reasons. First, for joy and happiness. Second, for the outcome and reward they get after they practice those dangerous activities. This is because they find it more enjoyable than dangerous.