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Posts by varroyo79
Name: Vanessa Arroyo
Joined: Dec 7, 2013
Last Post: Jan 4, 2014
Threads: 6
Posts: 10  
From: United States of America
School: Southern Lee

Displayed posts: 16
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varroyo79   
Dec 8, 2013
Scholarship / Yes, I am Mexican; Goals Influenced by Hispanic Heritage [2]

Tell us about your academic/career short-term and long-term goals.
How has your Hispanic heritage influenced these goals? *
400-600 words.

Yes, I am Mexican, and I was born in a country that is governed by the corrupt, which give education very little priority. I studied three years in Mexico, seventh through ninth grade, and I observed the lack of quality teachers, and the apathy that most students have towards school, but not all students are the same. There are those that do care about their future and endeavor to acquire more knowledge. My Hispanic heritage has influenced my goals in a way that I want to prove to others that not all of us are indifferent, and that many of us strive to obtain success.

Some of my short-term goals are to graduate in the top ten of my class and to get admitted to one of the colleges of my choice. So far, I am close to achieving these goals. When I returned for my sophomore year from Mexico, I ranked 18th in my class, and now I rank 7th. Working diligently has engendered results, and I do feel proud of myself, since I am one of the only two people that are minorities in the top ten. I hope to serve as an example for my Hispanic classmates and show them that it is possible to be academically successful despite racial or economic obstacles, but only if they devote themselves to what is truly important.

In Mexico and many South American countries, poverty predominates. I myself have been a witness to the scarcity of resources that many communities suffer from. This made me decide long ago that environmental engineering would allow me to give people access to hygienic natural resources in a way in which those are simultaneously preserved. However, though I do want to study environmental engineering, I also want to instill in students the appreciation for knowledge. Surprisingly, never did I imagine myself declaring that I wanted to teach. Me? Be a teacher? That sounded ludicrous, it even still does today. I am impatient, irascible, and still ignorant to many things, but I want to change the way students view education.

Presently, I am a peer tutor for a Geometry class and so far it has been, interesting. I have learned to acquire more patience, and the feeling I obtain when I hear a "thank-you" for the help I give is ineffable. This experience has helped me realize that I do have potential to influence others. I constantly criticize my country's educational system, and it is imperative for it to be reformed. Anyone can be a teacher and those are not very encouraging. After much reflection, I realized that instead of always being critical, why don't I act and do something about it? Being a teacher, for me, is going to be the ideal way to impact younger generations.

Going to college is going to be the first step in trying to achieve these long-term goals. My Hispanic heritage has motivated me to demonstrate that people of my culture are just as equally capable as everyone else. Once I obtain a degree in environmental engineering, I plan to sign up for the Peace Corps and go to a foreign country to help those in need, and once I return I will begin working on becoming certified as a teacher. I know if I am given the opportunity to develop any of my aptitudes, in the future, I will help a poor community receive potable water or help that typical apathetic kid finally receive an A. My goal is mainly to make a difference in at least one person's life, because big things start with small beginnings.
varroyo79   
Dec 14, 2013
Undergraduate / "Obstinate- to obstruct"; UVA-Word Essay 2013 (Evanescent changed me) [3]

I believe this information is not exactly crucial to getting your point across if you're trying to shorten your essay:
... trying not to move as that would lead me to discover cold territories of the chair again.
I straightened up and looked at the definitions in front of me, pinpointing my new fascination for what I wrongly believed would be the next five minutes.


You forgot a word:
The inconsistencyofthis word...

Omit:
provided me with

Doesn't this sound a bit awkward to you, using the noun form? Did you mean constancy or consistency? Seeing that you started the paragraph with describing evanescent as inconsistent, I thought maybe you were trying to compare life to evanescent. Pardon my ignorance if I'm wrong.

"Evanescent" changed me to realize that life is not all in constancy.
I don't know if you think this is better:
"Evanescent" made me realize that life is not always constant (or the adjective form of whichever word you were trying to use above).

With these suggestions, I approximate that forty-seven words will be omitted. I think; I hope at least enough to shorten your essay to 250 words.
Besides that I think your essay is really great! I was into it the whole time. :)
varroyo79   
Dec 14, 2013
Undergraduate / Aspirations Vs Stereotyped Beliefs; Amherst [5]

You forgot a word:
"As an Asian female fromadisadvantaged background ..."

"stereo-typed belief(s)" is found too many times throughout your essay. You sound redundant. Consider omitting it those words a couple of times throughout your essay where they are not necessary.

"...especially for those children, whose dreams are undermined by the stereotyped beliefs. " Omit the comma between "children" and "whose."

Yes, "Children are our future" and "a goody two-shoes" sounds too cliché.

Either way, I understand your frustration. Good luck!
varroyo79   
Dec 14, 2013
Undergraduate / "What are the three types of rocks?"; Common App Essay. [2]

Topic: We know nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us, or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude.

Max. is 500 words and I have 505. Help me delete these extra ones? Thanks!

"What are the three types of rocks?" asked my teacher, waiting for us to respond. "Igneous, metamorphic, and sedimentary rock!" The voices in unison resonated in the classroom. Ah, childhood. The time where one creates completely new worlds from nothing, where one gets scraped and it does not hurt... where one finds complete happiness in discovering new things.

As a child I underwent a phase where I enjoyed gathering rocks, whether they were big, small, red, white, or any other hue. I'm unsure as to why I lost my affinity for it. Either way, my humble collection was rather, well, small. I would not keep all those that I found since they were for the most part the same. It was difficult to find a large variety of different rocks. However, I remember a serene spring evening after a light shower. I could smell the rich soil and vibrant flowers that had just been pervaded with water and invigorated with life. I walked down this small tile path next to my house that used to be replete with stones around it. There I was, gathering marble, scoria, quartzite pebbles, and a few others that I had learned about in school. Suddenly, I came across what was an anomaly, or at least it was to me; it was a small pallid pink rock. When had I seen a naturally pink rock? Never, especially not during my short ten years of life. It had traces of white streaks and a greasy appearance. It was not one that I had learned about or seen in science class, but what was it? I soon found myself rummaging through books, striving to find at least a picture that could guide me to what it was. In the end, it turned out to be something very common. It was pink feldspar.

I feel that this trait of child-like curiosity has survived in me. Even today, I wonder about common things. Breathing for example, is something we do at every instant, but the process behind it is so intricate and we are not cognizant of all our bodies undergo. It involves glycolysis, ATP, substrate level phosphorylation, the Kreb's Cycle, the Electron Transport Chain, and everything else that I have yet to learn.

Those little things that may seem ordinary are what attract me the most. There is a complexity inherent to them that I endeavor to comprehend. The small degree of intelligence that I have is worthless to me if I don't use it for the benefit of others, and I hope that my child-like curiosity helps me augment my knowledge so that I am enabled to do so. I want to use that childish driving force that I still have to learn about the world that encircles me. I am that child who desires to create new worlds. I am that child who does not fear getting scraped. I am that child who wants to figure out that in the end, the rock in my hand, is pink feldspar.
varroyo79   
Dec 19, 2013
Undergraduate / Hydrophobia; College of William and Mary ; optional opportunity [5]

From what I've read, one should not write about trips to certain places, in this case Thailand. It's a suggestion, maybe you could just say instead "After a year, I went on vacation with my parents to the beach." I guess it does not really matter what beach you went to, but I've read various articles about saying where one went on vacations.

Overall, I like your essay. However, I feel like you should organize your sentence structure in your last few concluding sentences. Maybe like this: "I can swim pretty well now and I can proudly say that I conquered my fear. Now, I am moving towards the quest of conquering the world."

I don't know, just a suggestion. Something along those lines.

Mind reading my supplemental essay? I am also applying to the College of William & Mary, so the prompt is the same.
varroyo79   
Dec 19, 2013
Undergraduate / My mother never returned; CENTRAL TO IDENTITY [5]

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

The world was replete with happiness and serenity. Nothing was better than going down the slide, twirling in the rain, or rushing to my mother's comforting arms. Of course, I was eight. How else could I have viewed the world? No life-changing event had ever occurred in my life... yet.

It was a typical December morning: cold. The house was pervaded with the cold of the early frosty morning. Then, a knock on the back door. It took most of us aback. Who knocks on the back door? My mother opened it. There were two men and she walked outside with them; my father followed. My whole family was unaware of what would be a major turning point in our lives. My mother came back inside, kissed me, and told me she would return later. She never did.

That day, I had a bad premonition, which filled me with anxiety. I remember coming back from school, still with that innocent hope to find my mother home. What I found was my father on the living room couch, secluded in darkness, staring into oblivion. That day, routine was broken. My brother and I did not arrive to receive a kiss from our mother, to eat her dinner, nor to excitedly tell her about our day. Instead, we arrived to receive the news that she had been deported. "Deported? Daddy, what does that mean?" It meant that she wasn't coming back home, at least not in a long time. The phone rang; it was my mom. There I was, barraging her with questions of why they had taken her and when she would be back, and the answer to those were that she didn't know.

As a child, I saw my family's situation as unjust. I would spend almost the entirety of some nights crying myself to sleep. I missed her. I missed her tucking me into bed. I missed seeing her outside, tending devotedly to her garden. I missed her presence and the comfort and peace that she provided my family with. Since she was deported, nothing has been the same here at home. The garden no longer seems invigorated with life and the house looks solemn and decrepit.

I have grown now though, and I still miss my mother as much as nine years ago, but I am no longer that child that isolates herself in a corner to cry. I grew tired a long time ago of feeling sorry for myself and never do I want to evoke pity from others. I now view the situation from a different perspective. My mother's deportation has made me value many things in life, mainly her, something that many my age do not do; they are uncognizant of how fortunate they are to have their parents present in their lives. Her absence has also made her my inspiration to be a person of quality with true human characteristics. My mother has taught me about empathy, benignity, love, and selflessness. Her not being here propels me to make her proud of the person that she has helped mold.

Hopefully next year, when her ten-year sentence is over, she will be allowed to return. In a few months when I graduate, I know that among the crowd, I will not see her. I do hope, however, that in the near future, she will be present to witness my other accomplishments: graduating from college, volunteering for the Peace Corps, and becoming an environmental engineer and a teacher. Time though, can never be recuperated. Once it's gone, it's gone. No one could possibly ever make up for the years of separation between my family. All the sadness, anger, and happiness that we could have experienced together during that time is lost. What we can do though, is create new experiences, new ones that will make us cry, yell, or smile.

Smiling... I like smiling.
varroyo79   
Dec 19, 2013
Undergraduate / Michelangelo's Last Judgment; UVA - Work that unsettled me [3]

Overall good essay!

Just a few suggestions:

a masterpiece that is one of the most,unsettling and thought provoking things I have ever laid eyes on. Omit the comma between "most" and "unsettling"

I recognizedthatthe most unsettling thing was that I have very seldom felt that level of dedication, passion, and flare that Michelangelo must have felt while he was creating his masterpiece.

(either the presence or absenceof )

Good luck with admissions!
varroyo79   
Dec 19, 2013
Undergraduate / I was obsessed with the Little Mermaid's Ariel ; Why Wellesley? - THE CAMPUS [2]

A few errors:

but I believe Wellesley avoids this by knowing all- omit this-ensuring all its students arrive with an open mind, ready to participate in this cultural exchange and conversation, excited to try and love their roommate's "unfamiliar foods."

Everyone at Wellesley shares one major goal - to make the most of its amazing academic opportunities, rich cultural diversity, and by surrounded by smart, motivated, and friendly women who want to do the same.Did you mean "be surrounded by?"

I want to go to Wellesley because spending the next four years working towards that goal alongside others doing the same, .I think you should re-word it. Maybe you could say: I want to go to Wellesley because spending the next four years working alongside others towards that common goal ...

I really like your essay! I don't think it's too gushing.
I think you would contribute an open mind to the school. Good luck with admissions!

P.S.: I appreciate the help on my last essay, it was very helpful.
varroyo79   
Dec 21, 2013
Undergraduate / I love math and problem solving. Why Duke Supplemental Essay. Max 150 words. [2]

If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering as either a first year or transfer applicant, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke. (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.)

I have exactly 150 words. I feel like 150 is not much to describe the reasons you're interested in a school, but oh well. Do I answer the prompt correctly or am I too vague? I wanted to have an interesting intro, though I'm not sure if admission officers would prefer that I be terse and get quickly to the point. I'm open to all suggestions. Critique, do not degrade. Much thanks!

"Find the maximum area of a rectangle inscribed in a circle with a radius of 8." How could I do that? Well, find the area equation for the rectangle, differentiate it, solve for x, assure x is a maximum, and plug the value into the area equation. I love math and problem solving, and engineering will allow me to employ my love of these two things to help address real world issues. But why engineering at Duke? Duke ranks among the top ten national universities and its small classes of about twenty students enable those students to more easily seek help from their teachers. Activities that Duke offers, such as the Alternative Breaks Program, give students the opportunity to engage in enriching experiences while simultaneously helping others. Being a part of this program and unique university would prepare me to impact not just my local community, but those world-wide.
varroyo79   
Dec 21, 2013
Undergraduate / Georgetown: Used to be embarrassed about being Asian. Who am I? [3]

There's nothing wrong with story-telling, but if you're going to do it, I think you should do it in a more captivating manner. Think about starting your introductory paragraph with a more interesting sentence.
varroyo79   
Dec 23, 2013
Undergraduate / self-taught guitar player - Duke Supplemental #2 - extracurricular activities [2]

Please discuss one of your extracurricular activities that has required a particularly significant time commitment or that has played a meaningful role in your personal development. (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.) I really don't like these extremely short essays, I feel like I don't answer the prompt correctly. Feedback and help is very appreciated. D: Is this topic even okay? Or would it be preferable to talk about something else?

I have calluses on my finger tips. I even enjoy peeling off the thin layer of skin covering them. Gross, right? To me though, these calluses represent dedication; I'm a self-taught guitar player. I recall those days as a child where I would stand outside of my dad's room and listen while he locked himself up and played guitar. I guess I've always had an affinity for the guitar. A few years ago, I told my dad I wanted to learn how to play. He told me to grab a guitar, and watch. Watching. That was all I needed, though I honestly thought I would get frustrated and not even learn a song. However, I had initiative, and this has allowed me to learn so much. Playing guitar has taught me to be less timid, to not fear being expressive, and now, I can create this soothing, beautiful thing: music.
varroyo79   
Dec 26, 2013
Undergraduate / WHY DUKE SUPP- Pratt School of Engineering- puzzles [4]

I think you're being a little too vague. I'm working on my Duke Supplement as well and I got pretty much negative feedback for doing the same. :/ I suggest you include things particular to Duke that really interest you.
varroyo79   
Jan 4, 2014
Undergraduate / Well rounded exposure - Why I'm interested in Georgia Tech? [3]

Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech and what do you hope to contribute to our community? (150 word limit) Help? I really hate 150 word essays. -___-

Georgia Tech not only has rigorous academic programs, but also plenty of labs and organizations for engineering students to further develop their skills. I would like to work in the Environmental Chemistry Lab and do research in areas like green infrastructures and water quality because I want to major in environmental engineering and focus on water contamination. Also, being a part of organizations such as Engineers Without Borders and Engineers for a Sustainable World would allow me to put the knowledge that I gain in practice by completing sustainable projects.

At Georgia Tech, I desire to also promote my love for music, Hispanic culture, and writing. I would serenade people with my guitar at Under the Couch, dance to salsa and bachata with the Salsa Club, and recite my recondite emotions with the Poetry Club. I hope to be an addition to the diverse community that Georgia Tech already has.
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