1. Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful? We know nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us, or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude.
I stood there, gazing into the swimming pool with my shivering body. Hydrophobia is the scientific term given to the fear of water. It's abrupt to imagine a twelve year old could be afraid of water. Not specifically water, but I was petrified of the depths of swimming pools.
Back in 2006, I was nine. My cousins were taking swimming classes in those long-hot summer days. They always competed with each other while I watched the fierce and close competition between them. One day, instead of competing with each other they thought of a prank which they wanted to try on me. They literally pulled me into the swimming pool. Full of panic, I tried to get out of the water. I realized the fact that more you move your body you start to drown more. Noticing me drowning my cousins called my dad who saved me from the menace. Sobbing with tears all around my numb face got worse when I got a fever due to anxiety.
Approximately after two years, I was eleven and surprisingly a friend of mine gifted me a swimming tube. I tried to stay away from swimming pool, specially pool parties and beaches. My parents often mockingly told me that I was just too scared of water. But the fact was that I was never afraid of water but was afraid of the depths. I took a deep breath and I realized that the past cannot harm me unless I let it to. My motivating father took me to swimming pool. It was the time for me to learn how to swim. Then stuck the disaster, when I entered the pool, the circular waves gave me a severe headache due to which I got a panic fever. What actually happened in the pool can be explained best by Reflection of light: which implies that what we see depends on the medium through which the light travels. So, the floor of pool seemed to be more terrifying.
The mission to overcome the fear of depths of water appeared like a ray of light trying to pass through a small hole. After a year, I went on a vacation with my parents to Thailand, where we were supposed to visit Pattaya Beach. My father insisted me of going under water, but I was just petrified. I could have denied and stayed in hotel room, but a talk with my mom encouraged me. How could I be so distressing as to let my past control my present and my future? If my determination would force me to go under water, then I was going to do it.
So I did. I shut my eyes and prayed to god. The moment I entered the ocean, my worries vanished. I cannot explain how beautiful nature is. I saw nature, fishes swirling around me. My dad's hand wouldn't let me go because I didn't know how to swim. I learned something from this unconventional that fears are not meant to control our lives. It was the best moment of my life. I guarantee the elegancy that an under-ocean shows is promising. At that best moment of my life, I then took the oath that I would never let any fear control my life. Now, I can swim pretty well. I can proudly say that I conquered my fear and moving towards the quest for conquering the world.
From what I've read, one should not write about trips to certain places, in this case Thailand. It's a suggestion, maybe you could just say instead "After a year, I went on vacation with my parents to the beach." I guess it does not really matter what beach you went to, but I've read various articles about saying where one went on vacations.
Overall, I like your essay. However, I feel like you should organize your sentence structure in your last few concluding sentences. Maybe like this: "I can swim pretty well now and I can proudly say that I conquered my fear. Now, I am moving towards the quest of conquering the world."
I don't know, just a suggestion. Something along those lines.
Mind reading my supplemental essay? I am also applying to the College of William & Mary, so the prompt is the same.
"I cannot explain how beautiful nature is. I saw nature, fishes swirling around me." You are shifting tenses here. Change it to - I can not explain how beautiful that moment was", or something like that.
" I guarantee the elegancy that an under-ocean shows is promising." It's elegance, not elegancy. Also, "that an under-ocean show promises".
Thanks dude, i'll read your essay and help you real quick. Are there any other mistakes? Be honest with all my mistakes and how was my essay in overall?
I like your essay. However, I feel like you should organize your sentence structure in your last few concluding sentences. Maybe like this: "I can swim pretty well now and I can proudly say that I conquered my fear. Now, I am moving towards the quest of conquering the world
