Writing Feedback / IELTS - dramatic increase in the number of Japanese people travelling abroad - Bar chart, Line Graph [5]

Thank Dumi, Eddies, and Pyon9x so much.
I will try to understand and fix my mistakes now.
Then I will try to write more.
I think that you guys can find more mistakes in my next essay.
And now you can help other people.
Thanks

Writing Feedback / IELTS - despite the obstacles found in the new place, traveller could obtain some new experiences [6]


Travelling is one therapy for some people in order to refresh them(no need Object here) from their daily activities. It is true that people prefer to spend their holiday time(no need, neither) in a new and unique place, while others prefer to travel to a famous or common place. Although both choices could bring merits and demerits, I strongly convince( I think you should use "agree", "convince" is a strong word, it's hard to use with adverb like "strongly") that travelling to a new place is always funnier and more challenging than travelling to familiar places.

Most people choose to travel in famous place usually visit such as mall(mall? Its like super market ? I don't understand you clearly with this sentence. I think familiar places should be some places they have been there before and it should be a attractive place for tourists, i.e: beach where they have been there for 3 or 4 times, near their places and also famous). Indeed, it is more practice; they do not have to prepare heavily due to the fact that it is a common place that yo u extremely know ( they = you on same situation?). On the other hand, travelling in a new and different place will place you in the unpredictable situation. Therefore, people need to be prepare more ( examples for this will make this sentence clearer) because those people do not know well yet the situation and condition at that new place.

However, travelling in a new and different place always brings us unpredictable and new experiences, while travelling in a familiar place sounds like a little bit boring trip. Travelling in an unpredictable place indeed will make us more tired, but it is more challenging. Are people having holiday to go out from their daily boring activities?( familiar places are not daily places because they need to travel and they are on holiday not weekend)(Also, I think question sentence in here did not convince any thing, you should give more specific examples to make your point clear rather than questions. Furthermore, You should not use question in essay, its five but its too risky) So, I believe that the obstacles found in the new place could bring some wonderful experiences that could never be forgotten. (model verb will be better if you are not 100% sure about that)

To conclude, despite the obstacles found in the new place(2 times for this phrases will never show your vocabulary range, there are many ways to rephrase it with the same idea.) , traveller could obtain some new experiences. In addition, people also could explore their knowledge by visiting the place where only a few people live and visit in there. In the other hand, visiting new places in holiday times could outweigh benefits based on my point of view.

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I hope this will help you. I am a student and I will take IELTS test this Decem. Good luck.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Democracy has given an opportunity for the people to express their feelings; freedom of speech [3]

I don't think this essay has enough 250 words. BTW, you should check your lay out carefully when you post something as well as when you are in the test. I mean you should separate your paragraphs clearly.

Please take your post be seriously then people will help you.
Thanks

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay: The effects of people getting married and having children in their thirties [3]

adapt themselvesFOR new lifestyle.
Overall, your essay is good. But you use a lot of strong and unfamiliar words ( in my opinion), this may make your essay look weird.

You may have a wide range of vocabulary but you should make sure that in the real test you need to use words accurately

Writing Feedback / The two illustrations show Coca-cola Company's percentage of sales in a pie graph [4]

The two illustrations show Coca-cola Conpany's percentage of sales (where? which countries?) in a pie graph and share price in a line graph from year 1996 to 2001.

The pie chart shows that among these(have you ever mentioned any countries above, if yes, you can say "these"countries) namely,.... Idon't think that you can say 'these countries, namely...".

Also, I think you should try to look up for some sample answers in Cambridge IELTS books, you will find out this report essays really need overview which you missed in your essay.

On the other hand, for the next post, please include the chart and the requirement also.