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Posts by wnsgud4030
Name: Junhyeong Hwang
Joined: Dec 21, 2013
Last Post: Dec 28, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: United States
School: Hesperia Christian School

Displayed posts: 5
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wnsgud4030   
Dec 21, 2013
Scholarship / Olin College provides a tuition scholarship! [5]

Prompt: Given what you know about Olin College, please tell us why you want to attend Olin, and why you think Olin is a good fit for you.

I have researched innumerable colleges to find the perfect college for me. And without doubt, I firmly believe that Olin College is the best college for me.

The first thing I consider in choosing a college is its tuition. Coming from a low-income family, I had to always to seek for scholarships available for students. There are a lot of scholarships opened to citizens, but not many to international students. Unlike other colleges, Olin College provides a tuition scholarship (valued at more than $85,000 over four years) for every enrolled student. This opportunity is unique not because it gives scholarships to every enrolled student, but because it gives scholarships to students including international students! Public schools like UC Berkeley or GIT do not offer any sort of scholarships to international students. In addition, their tuitions are considerably high especially for the international students. Private schools do offer limited scholarships and financial aids to international students. However, they are not guaranteed. According to the chancellor for Admissions of one private university, the tuition scholarships are competitive and are not guaranteed even to those who are in need of financial support. Olin College, however, offers a unique opportunity cannot be found in anywhere else.

Olin College is a newly built university that is thriving its way to become the best engineering institution. To be honest, I never heard of Olin until I had recently researched universities in Massachusetts. Researching Olin, I found out that it runs a program called SCOPE (Senior Capstone Program in Engineering), which motivates students to have more innovative thoughts and to invent revolutionizing technologies. This program has caught my mind, because I want to be like Elon Musk. Though Elon Musk graduated from University of Pennsylvania, I'm confident that through SCOPE program I will be able to become an innovative thinker, inventor and entrepreneur like him. I have actually visited Olin College last summer. I toured the whole Olin campus, and it was probably the best campus I have ever visited. Unlike other universities that were either cramped in a city or isolated in a vast area of dust, Olin College was the mediocre of the two conditions. Although it wasn't a big campus like Texas A&M, it was definitely spatial enough for me to wander around to feel the nature. The modern styled buildings attracted me to think 'I have to attend this college.' After touring the campus, I went into the building fascinated to see what the students were doing. However, they were doing an important project so they didn't let anyone in. Though I wasn't able to see what the students were working on, I had the chance to talk to one of the students involved in the programs in Olin College. They told me that there are more programs other than SCOPE and assured me that Olin is the best college for engineering.

Olin's satisfying tuition, amazing programs, and stunning buildings gave me a firm belief that Olin is a perfect college for me.
wnsgud4030   
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / I am a senior in highschool, yet I still cannot talk to girls; Common app [4]

I'll be honest. Both essays are simply amazing... No grammar errors, simple and direct.

Maybe I might be overstating, but this is the perfect essays that many colleges seek for.

Let's get to the topic.
Talking about sports in an essay is fairly common.
Many applicants talk about sports to elaborate how they accomplished something or how they will do better to accomplish something.

If I were you, I would stick with the first essay.

(I'm not saying the first one is better than the second one.)

They are both excellent.
wnsgud4030   
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / Combination of values - William and Mary supplement essay; Uniqueness [4]

Overall, I enjoyed reading your essay.

But there are few things I want to point out to you.

This might be trite saying but try to "show" what you want to say in this essay.
You are telling rather than showing.

Another thing I want to mention is that most of your paragraphs start with "I say, I could, I think and etc"
Why don't you try using different transitions to make your essay more colorful?

However, your essay is fairly well organized without any grammatical errors.

Good luck! I hope this helps.
wnsgud4030   
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / The best research uni; Georgia Tech- Why and What you hope to contribute to community? [3]

Prompt: Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech and what do you hope to contribute to our community? (150 word limit)

Please feel free to comment below what I can do better to improve my essay.

Seeking for the best fit engineering college, I scrolled down the long list of universities and shrieked "Eureka!" Georgia Institute of Technology, one of the best research universities in the world, caught my attention. This summer, I flew all the way to Georgia to tour the main campus of Georgia Tech. Its extensive yet cozy community, its immense, awe-inspiring edifices, and Co-op or Internship Program, a five year program that trains practical engineering skills, immensely fueled my desire to enroll in Georgia Tech. After touring Georgia tech, I felt like getting an education in Georgia Tech will help me accomplish my only dream of becoming an innovative engineer like Elon Musk. If I could be one of the yellow jackets, I hope to contribute my musical talent in Georgia Tech Orchestra, which I gained over the years serving as the main pianist at New Life Korean Church.
wnsgud4030   
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / The best research uni; Georgia Tech- Why and What you hope to contribute to community? [3]

should I omit the first two sentences and change it like this?

I have researched innumerable colleges to find the perfect college for me. And without doubt, I firmly believe that Georgia Tech is the best college for me.

or should i talk about my interest in engineering and how that interest led me to find out about Georgia Tech??
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