Posts by SMINICK975 [Suspended]

SMINICK975

Dec 29, 2013

Undergraduate / University of Rochester Supplemental Essay 2013-2014 (What kind of Meliora Experiences?) [4]

Hey all, I've recently submitted my supplemental essay to the Common App website, but before I finalize the application, I decided to seek out some professional advice and critiques. The Rochester supplement asks: - The University of Rochester offers many rare advantages, building from our "Meliora" ("ever-better") motto that has inspired generations of scholars, professionals, and artists. Describe what's leading you to apply, and what kind of "Meliora" experiences you want to have here at Rochester and beyond.

Below is the submitted form of my Rochester supplement. Are there any grammatical corrections that any of you could suggest? I think I definitely explained what the college could give to me, but what about what I could bring to the college?

Sometimes I wonder why we no longer have any Aristotles or Leonardos in the world among us today. Why're there no masters of nearly every field of academia, polymaths who can, one day, change the way we perceive the world that is beneath our feet, and then the heavens on the next? As I studied throughout my academic career, I developed a fascination with the biological sciences, a passion for European culture and history, and an inclination towards music appreciation. It was then that I noticed every student has a unique set of interests, a unique set of passions, so why should they be directed to choose a conventional, uniform education identical to every other student's in that field? I am applying to the University of Rochester because I want to study exactly what I want, when I want to. The University of Rochester allows students the utmost freedom to sculpt their own unique education around their unique interests and passions through the cluster program.

Many university campuses are eager to accept well-rounded students, but what better school than the University of Rochester to produce well-rounded graduates? The home of the Yellow-Jackets would provide me with the opportunity to shadow medical professionals at the Strong Memorial Hospital, bringing my own research experience to one of the most distinguished institutions in the world, and then walk across campus to the University's world-renowned Eastman School of Music to watch one of my favorite musical performances, a cappela, performed by the Midnight Ramblers.

Any help would be greatly appreciated, Thank You!!

SMINICK975

Dec 29, 2013

Undergraduate / University of Rochester Supplemental Essay 2013-2014 (What kind of Meliora Experiences?) [4]

Really? Only Grammatical? I'm actually pretty happy to hear that you think the actual substance of the essay is good...

Could You rate the quality of my essay, substance-wise, on a scale of 1-10?

I have a question about the hyphens...Are those actually grammatically correct substitutions for commas in those circumstances..?

I'll take a look at your Lafayette supplement too! :)

Thanks

SMINICK975

Jan 1, 2014

Undergraduate / bustling streets of NYC - College Supplements: work experience/why vassar? [2]

I think that this is a very good example to use for this type of essay question. Aside from general grammatical and word usage issues, (which I've suggested alternates to below), I think it's also very good that you included how this business has benefitted you. However, depending on what you want to major in, or wherever your passion is, I think you should try to connect how this experience was a very helpful developmental experience for you on that path. Anything social should be easy, considering that you had to correspond with many customers for your parents. So, as a general rule: Try to really emphasize the effect that this experience had, and how having it will change your experience in college.

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below. Limit 350 words*
My parents and I pulled into a vacant parking space. To my side was a clean but deserted street. Immediately to my front was a building with a bright orange sign that read "Little Kitchen". The door and windows were covered with __ beige colored paper. My father cut the engine, and prompted us to follow him into the building. There were buckets of leftover paint_ littering the ground, newspaper scattered; and further inside, I saw a fryer, grill, and stoves all lined up in a row.

"It's almost done! We'll be opening in a week," my father said.
I stood there for a moment absorbing the series of events during the last hectic week. Evicted from our apartment in the Lower East Side of Manhattan, my parents announced that we would be moving to Westchester Mamaroneck and opening a small restaurant. That "we" didn't include my sisters or grandma, who were staying in Flushing, Queens. I was completely lost, separated from my siblings who I grew up with for thirteen years and my friends who I planned to graduate middle school with. Instead, I was starting fresh in a small and unfamiliar town.

Unfortunately, the unstable business obstructed my parents from hiring many workers. Instead, I was exhorted to work nights after school, and all day on the weekends. Throughout all of high school, I have been juggling school and work. Although I won't lie and say that it was easy, I definitely consider it a fruitful experience that exposed me to the business world. I've interacted with all kinds of customers, both nice and not so nice, and greeted each one with the same cheerful smile. Through experience, I have learned to put my pride aside and apologize instead, because after all, customers are always right. Due to my parent's choppy English, I've been forced to grow independent and use my creativity to come up with solutions to problems that arise. My work experience has allowed me to shed my timid cloak. These four years have expanded my boundaries of comfort and has taught me many valuable lessons.

SMINICK975

Jan 1, 2014

Undergraduate / 'We live in a world where...' Major in chemical engineering; Study objectives [3]

Apart from the grammatical issues and word usage (which I've tried my best to correct below, you can alter them however you like if it doesnt sound your voice. WHICH IS IMPORTANT), I think you have a generally good piece here. You've got the advantage to have research experience so EMPHASIZE that you can bring that to the campus. You should always include what you can bring to the campus, instead of just what the campus can provide you. I think you can cut down on the details of your research, and expand more on how impactful it was on your life and your desire to study chemical engineering. Good Luck!

We live in a world where technology is increasingly significant and indispensable in our daily lives, and its usefulness(its future, perhaps?) enchants me. The evolution of communication systems is an example. What in former times used to take days, even months, to exchange long distance messages, can be done almost instantly through the use of various kinds of instant messages we have.

Being daughter of two chemists has exposed me to this world of science and technology since my childhood. So I've always been fascinated by science, by mathematics, by chemistry and by technology. Besides, I've always gotten a thrill in solving challenging problems and puzzles. That's why I chose to major in chemical engineering, because it encompasses all these aspects.

I'm currently studying at Federal University of XXXX, on my third year. During my journey as a chemical engineering student, I've participated in some undergraduate researches. Two of them used the programming language Fortran on calculations, one applied to enzyme kinetics and the other applied to chromatography. Thus, I would like to improve my skills on such programming language, as well as on a different one, whether possible. In my personal opinion, computing is a precious skill in engineering, especially in my area. I consider it very important for the virtual machine support to optimize the needed calculations and, this way, it can be easier to solve its problems. Moreover, it can be pretty helpful in controlling and modeling chemical processes. Such features enhance our capacity to contribute to science evolution.

Of course this whole development needs to be in equilibrium with the environment. There is the need therefore of promoting the ever more "clean" technologies so that advance can be consonant with industrial sustainability. For this reason, biotechnology interests me greatly. I find really interesting using the knowledge of biological processes and its properties and implement them within the chemical industry, in an ecologically friendly way. As already mentioned, the research I've done also involves the enzyme kinetics. Then I would love to know further regarding biochemical engineering so that I could be able to reconcile progress with ecological practices, which are two factors of great importance to me.

As a result, my study objectives are focused on technology, in both biological and computational fields. Once I have become a chemical engineer, not only do I want to be a well prepared and capable professional in an updated way, but also in a green way. I think that studying at U.S.A. would give me a unique chance of making this achievement possible.

SMINICK975

Jan 1, 2014

Undergraduate / My point of no return laptop - Describe a place where you are perfectly content. [3]

I've just submitted this essay as my common app essay for the University of Rochester and my three SUNY safety schools: Binghamton, Stony Brook, and University at Buffalo. Considering that I've only worked two days on this essay, I'm a little worried about its quality, and I'd like to make it as good as possible before I submit to my other common app schools due next week. If there's any grammatical errors or issues with my choice in topic in general, which I feel is a little risky...lease let me know.

Who says that 17-years-old is too old for a little "story-time" before bed? While I can proudly say that I've matured past the point where a warm glass of milk and loving "kiss-goodnight" are essential, I've never been able to close my eyes and sleep easily without first embarking on an odyssey through the perpetual, virtual expanse that is the online encyclopedia, Wikipedia. Almost every night, when I'm tucked into the back corner of my bedroom with my old Macbook Pro laptop whirring and beeping away, I can hear my parents' passing remarks from the hallway, "From one screen to the next, huh?" To my family, the fluorescent, apple-shaped logo centered on the front of my laptop has already become the official, house-wide-accepted signal that signifies my passage past the "point of no return." From their perspective, I'm sitting as motionless as a statue, typing and tapping hours away in the boring confines of my bedroom. From my own perspective, I'm witnessing scientific history in the making at a world-renowned research center among the some of the greatest scientists in the world, or the legendary strategy of Hannibal Barca at the Battle of Cannae, or perhaps even exploring the rich, imaginative world that is J.R.R Tolkien's Middle Earth. As soon as that first blue hyperlink catches my eye, my curiosity gets the better of me and I'm off on a never-ending cycle in which I could hardly answer the questions fuming inside my head before another blue piece of text seduces me and whisk me away to another world.

I've never placed much credibility in the predictions of astrological prognostication, but some qualities that have been ascribed to those born in the late summer are strikingly familiar. Leos, like myself, are known to be unrivaled in their ambition and their passion for exploration of the new and extraordinary. Being the eldest child of two working parents, I haven't had many travel or exploratory opportunities throughout my life so far. I, personally, have had a great deal of difficulty pursuing the extraordinary from my suburban home in the largest city in the world, where artificial lights sever my bond with the celestial lamps in the night sky, and enormous monoliths of steel and concrete disrupt my connection with what lies beyond the horizon, as if they were prison bars. It is then that I turn to my trusty cell-mate, Wikipedia, which allows me to exert my unsatisfied passion for exploration in not only one world, but within as many as I'd like to be. Being a student of multiple interests and passions, I couldn't possibly be perfectly content in any environment associated with only one academic field of interest. This virtual encyclopedia gives me the opportunity and freedom to pursue my own queries, rather than the review questions we are force-fed by textbooks. In other words, Wikipedia is my single escape from the strict restrictions from the conformity of a strict academic curriculum where my areas of study are chosen for me. I long for the chance to be able to choose the variety of foci in my studies at college.

Whether it's within the legendary realm of empires that was Ancient Europe, or the virtual library that catalogs the most recent scientific findings that are correspondent with my own in the field of cancer research, or even the debate examining the symbolic similarity between crucial themes in Christianity's account of the world's creation and Tolkien's of Arda's, Wikipedia is my own secret, magical escape from a world of conformity and uniformity. Perhaps storytime isn't the only thing I haven't outgrown.

SMINICK975

Jan 2, 2014

Undergraduate / My point of no return laptop - Describe a place where you are perfectly content. [3]

Thank you! I thought the exact same thing so I modified it to make it a little less "run-on." I found some grammatical errors here and there as well.

However, do you think that it seems that I tried to hard to impress my admissions officer? Or is it obvious that I only took two days to write this essay?