Writing Feedback / Employers reward members of staff for their contribution... [2]

I am a beginner in Ielts. There is one of my initial essays and I really need for your helps.

Topic: Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practise can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others.

To what extent is this style of management effective?
Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard?

Essay:
The past 50 years have seen a revolution in economy worldwide. This has brought thousands of pros and cons. One of the key issue is employee situation. When the economy develops, there will be a huge number of company choices. To own the best one, financial support such as giving extra money is necessary. This raise a recent question whether it is the effective way to encourage the employees.

First of all, financial support brings variety of advantages. It is evident that people who are rewarded fell happier. Clearly, they know the employers pay tribute to them as their hard-work, Therefore, they attempt to work better to contribute the firms. In addition, this style of management can make the company grow by create a competition between staffs. In the other words, employees compete with each other to gain the extra money by do their best in the jobs. The companies, at last, develop because everyone has worked effectively.

Conversely, giving extra money to only several staffs brings a vast of negative impacts. What holds the most important is the negative attitude of the employees who are not rewarded. It is undeniable that they fell desperately disappointed because after all contribution they receive nothing. As a result, they do not want to do their best in the jobs or even change company. The firm, therefore, will lost some good staffs.

Instead of financing support, there are many different better ways. For instance, the boss must pay tribute to all the hard work. Whenever doing a good job, employees receive a congratulation immediately. That would be one of the best recompense for them. This is not only an easy but also effective ways to boost the good mood of staffs.

In brief, extra money for the best employees has both benefits as well as problems. However,mental support could be a better choice for managers to encourage their staffs.

The end.
Thanks for all the feedback :)

Undergraduate / IETLS - Today's youth have more power and influence! [3]

Topic: Young people in the modern world seem to have more power and influence than any previous young generation.Why is this the case?What impact does this have on the relationship between old and young people?

Essay: In the past, adults completely dominated the social, while adolescents were not allowed to strongly show their opinions. Clearly, their voices were valueless. Recent decades have seen a revolution in this field. Hence, young people nowadays have more power and influence which is the results of various factors.

To the first and foremost reason, the equality among people have absolutely improved over years. People, therefore, have more right of choices as well as decide their future lives. For instance, adolescents who are over 18 years old are capable of participating in several governmental events such as president election or constitution making. Another explanation for this would be the development in adult's opinions about young people. Whilst elderly people used to dominate everything, nowadays, they, by contrast, are likely to share the job with the young as their talents and energies. It is undoubted that youths are incredibly powerful and talented. Hence, they are the key factors for the development of the societies.

Furthermore, this progressive development in the right of young people brings a huge number of impacts to society and human, especially the relationship between old and young people. Firstly, this provides several benefits such as elderly people are so far friendlier with young than they used to be. The older they are, the more they need for young's help. Moreover, as every age are treated equally, people find it easy to share with other. Happily, people in every generation are together making the society develop.

In brief, making young people own more power these days is utterly progressive. It provides various benefits to mot only people's lives but also the whole world.