Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by worrywart93
Joined: Jan 26, 2014
Last Post: Feb 6, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: United Kingdom (Great Britain)

Displayed posts: 5
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
worrywart93   
Jan 26, 2014
Undergraduate / Best place: my room with the curtains drawn, my headphones on and the lights off [3]

Hi,

I sent this Common App essay to all of the liberal arts colleges that I applied to. I have no idea why I didn't spend more time on it, as I feel that it is a terrible essay. I felt like it was good at the time. The thing isn't even 400 words. I have been kicking myself throughout January, as I know that I could've written about my unique background, and why I want to be an Ethnomusicologist. I don't know why I didn't. I'm sure this essay is why I was deferred from Mount Holyoke. I know I am a good writer, and wish I'd taken the chance to prove it. I think this could be a huge detriment to me. My supplemental essays are considerably stronger... dare I say it, stellar. Would this help them overlook this essay? Anyway, it's too late to change it now. I'm not sure why I want it to be reviewed. I don't know. FYI, reassurance is NOT all that I'm looking for. Harsh criticism is welcome. Just let me know what you feel. Thanks for reading.

"Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?"

I am perfectly content when I am in my room with the curtains drawn, my headphones on and the lights off. I call it my "thinking hour".

The darkness temporarily suspends my sense of sight, and the inability to hear any sound past my headphones is satisfying. As cliché as it may sound, I feel like I am in a bubble.

It's a rare moment where I can be totally alone and at one with myself and my thoughts. The combination of darkness and music enables me to feel as if I'm entering another realm. At that point, I'm able to relax and think clearly.

When I close my eyes, I feel weightless. I believe that the feeling of weightlessness is caused by the clarity that deep thinking gives me. The accumulated weight of the day that I carry upon my chest and shoulders is lifted.

This moment of relaxation and clarity is extremely meaningful to me, because it's important that we as humans don't allow the stress of everyday life to consume us.

My thinking hour gives my mind the chance to think assiduously, and allows my being to remain firmly within the bounds of sanity. In the past, my thinking hour has stopped me from making rash and illogical decisions that could have caused detriment to me, whether it be at that point or in the future.

I find it a lot easier to create after (sometimes during) the thinking hour. It is easier for me to understand what I am feeling and translate it into song with a clear mind . When my mind is nebulous, my feelings are elusive and I find it difficult to write down exactly what it is that I am trying to say. I understand that built up sadness, frustration or confusion held internally is no good, but for someone like myself who can be very introverted, it's not often that I like to share my feelings with others. This is a huge reason as to why my thinking hour is essential and meaningful to me.

My thinking hour is a type of therapy, and has most certainly helped me get through difficult times and situations. Without my thinking hour, I would have no release.

True serenity can only be achieved through purely peaceful surroundings. For me, this is it.
worrywart93   
Feb 6, 2014
Undergraduate / NUS ADMISSION ESSAY---> Torn between arts and science. [4]

"I liked Arts & Crafts, theatre, singing, dancing and so on." Perhaps cut out the "and so on". Instead, make it "theatre, singing and dancing."

"I took part a variety of ECAs." ..."I took part in a variety of ECAs" (small correction!)

Great essay, though. Good luck!
worrywart93   
Feb 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: IS IT GOOD TO CHANGE? [5]

"There is always some time in life when people have to decide about changes . Some people believe it is always better to experience something different, while others believe not ." There will always come a time in life where you have to think about change. Some believe that it is better to experience something different; while others believe it's best not to.

"Routine jobs and life styles " Routine jobs and lifestyles

"The first reason is that doing a job for years can make people some kind of specialists , who are more likely to be promoted in the same company ." The first reason being that committing to a job for a length of time can lead to speciality in that field, and possible promotion.

"Those who change jobs frequently may have difficulty in gaining their trust and being employed again ." Those who change jobs frequently may find difficulty in gaining trust and becoming reemployed.

Good luck!
"Thirdly, to change a job means a fresh beginning on many occasions." Thirdly, changing jobs frequently brings a fresh beginning each time.
worrywart93   
Feb 6, 2014
Undergraduate / DIPLOMACY; UT Austin Statement of Purpose - transfer essay [3]

Your story sounds very similar to mine! You have a great essay here. You relate the essay to your experiences and why you want to study at UT well, as well as the connection to your chosen field of study.

No corrections here. I think it's excellent the way it is. Good luck!
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳