Adammero
May 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / Success is only getting big reward or collecting money or something special [10]
Well,I'm not an expert but I've got some comments
First,I agree with the others that you should state the type of your essay.After that , u have to w. te separate paragraphs,with the first one as the introduction ',followed by 2 body paragraph s,and ending with a conclusion.
Second,u need to work more on or vocabulary,and try as much as possible not to repeat same words(or sentences),since this would harm or score a lot.for example 'success when he is happy in their life ' is repeated directly the next sentence.
Third,,your idea is good but try next time to link ideas together.
Best of luck
Well,I'm not an expert but I've got some comments
First,I agree with the others that you should state the type of your essay.After that , u have to w. te separate paragraphs,with the first one as the introduction ',followed by 2 body paragraph s,and ending with a conclusion.
Second,u need to work more on or vocabulary,and try as much as possible not to repeat same words(or sentences),since this would harm or score a lot.for example 'success when he is happy in their life ' is repeated directly the next sentence.
Third,,your idea is good but try next time to link ideas together.
Best of luck