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IELTS: Freedom for creative artist - 'show their idealism freely'


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
May 8, 2014   #1
Freedom is a sister of art. This saying can be implied to support a creative artist for expressing their imagination in terms of words, pictures, music or film. Some people think that the freedom expression should be bordered by the government. However, the critics claim that it is unnecessary to limit in order to produce a fabulous creation. I tend to agree that the right of expression should be free from any intimidation.

Freedom of expression plays a vital role to create some creations. While it is bordered, creative artist cannot show their idealism freely. Taking an ice sculpture as an example, in terms of making an ice sculpture the designer need many inspirations. How about if it is limited with some regulations? in terms of precision for example, whereas in his intuition, making an abstract sculpture is better. Bordering the expression also can be categorized as a crime. As my country in the 27th chapter on the principal right already guarantee freedom expression for their citizen.

On the other hand, the freedom sometimes benefited by some creative artists as medium to hypnotized people. An artist with rebellion idealism could make a provocation to against the government with their creation. The drawbacks occur when the idealism acculturate people and result an immense demonstration. Thus, national stability harm due to an art creation. Also, the audience of the art is strong stance as a consideration. While art creation purposes to show in child exhibition, pornography content should be avoid or for wedding exhibition punk style could be unnecessary held. Taking Indonesia's government steps with their broadcast regulation, the government ever suspends some music program in the local television, Dahsyat for example, as the feature involved sarcasm value.

Having said that the freedom of expression is very beneficial to make a tasteful creation, while government still have to take a position for bordering such invaluable content creative creation,. I tend to agree that freedom need to support as far as the result has beneficial values to the society.




Adammero 1 / 4  
May 8, 2014   #2
Hi,
Nice piece with good vocabulary but...
I think it better to say freedom is the companion to ar t,even though I haven't heard about this saying before
I suggest that instead of saying ''vital role to create some creations'',,u can say''vital role in enhancing different creations'' or any words ,so as not to fall in the trap of repeating the words.

The word ''intuition '' here I don't understand its relation to the topic.Did u mean ''intension''??
Last thing---please forgive my prolongation----grammar should be emphasized more.
Good luck
halleybachelor 16 / 25 1  
May 9, 2014   #3
Freedom of expression plays a vital role to create somein creations

How about if it is limited withby some regulations?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 9, 2014   #4
Your intro is pretty good, especially its approach :)

Freedom of expression plays a vital role to create some creations.

... there is some redundancy here. This is what I suggest;
Freedom of expression plays a vital role in the works of a creative artist.
On the other hand, the freedom sometimes benefited by some creative artists as medium to hypnotizedinfluence people.

You show a great improvement with writing. However, you need to be still careful with handling vocabulary :)
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
May 11, 2014   #5
Your intro is pretty good, especially its approach :)

Yes, I too agree with dumi :)

While it is bordered, creative artist cannot show their idealism freely.

... this has several issues - grammar, clarity , presentation :(
Boredom and less freedom do lots of harm to a creative artist as he or she can never come up with any creative work when they suffer with these feelings.

This essay too looks a bit bulky. Have you managed time well for this task or you ran out of time? You need to stick to a particular approach if you aim at going for a great score.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
May 12, 2014   #6
Hello friend

please forgive my prolongation----grammar should be emphasized more.

It is unnecessary to make an apologize, while you say the truth.
Please kindly correct my another writing, thank you :D

This essay too looks a bit bulky. Have you managed time well for this task or you ran out of time?

Yes, I wrote under 40 minutes, Sir
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
May 12, 2014   #7
I think it better to say freedom is the companion to art,even though I haven't heard about this saying before

Adammero has a good point. I also believe

saying

, maxim, etc,. in IELTS can be categorized as the memorized language. The assessor wants to see how good you create words, not the everyday ones.

words, pictures, music or film

Faulty comparison.
Try this: words and pictures or music and film


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