Posts by EyadBosy

EyadBosy

Aug 3, 2014

Writing Feedback / Technology has both advantage and disadvantage for creativity of children [5]

I think First paragraph can be corrected as follow,
Since the dawn of humanity, human beings have been engaged in great competition to find new knowledge.(,) One of them(which) is technology that can make effect on different aspects. Some people think that technology diminish(reduces) creative (the creativity) of children, while (the) others ignore this idea, and think that technology can provide additional information for children. I personally believe that (kids') creative ability become less than before, because they less imagine (imagineless) and harder create.

Do you agree with me??

EyadBosy

Aug 3, 2014

Writing Feedback / Technology has both advantage and disadvantage for creativity of children [5]

Same meaning, both words means less, I just wanna add (es) to the verb which is unfamiliar to me with diminish but I think you can use it, it is a matter of preference, regards

EyadBosy

Aug 3, 2014

Writing Feedback / Having a factory in the region is bad and good news [2]

We need more and more industries in various fields, Industry has great impact on our lives, some of these influences are positive, others are negative, we can imagine this impact if we imagine a company announcement to build a large factory near us, do we feel happy or unhappy about this? In my opinion; balancing both benefits and harms, it is not good to have a factory built nearby.

What can be the advantages from having a factory in my area? First, this is helpful for production and economy of our region, more dependence on ourselves to fulfill our needs, we may export such products which is an additional benefit, the factory will employ many of the youth who cannot find a job opportunity, so overall there will be benefits to us as individuals and as a whole society.

Coming to disadvantages, building a factory means more pollution to air and water that we depend on as primitive needs, and therefore there will be a great increases in diseased persons, which is affecting their welfare as well as their income that will be spent on buying medicine or rise in retirement from job; that is job opportunities available but lost, furthermore the noise that the factory bring to the region is something that we have to take into consideration. We heard about a factory for brick building, people in the region are angry about what they inhale daily and night, and mostly they develop asthma or other respiratory diseases, they protest in the main squares for closing this factory, if they can build factories outside cities so as not to affect the environment and the population and getting the advantages

To sum up, having a factory in the region is bad and good news, bad in terms of the increased noise, pollution and diseased subjects, but may be good as opening new job opportunities, increased production and trade, weighing risks and benefits; I am standing against building the factory.

EyadBosy

Aug 4, 2014

Undergraduate / 'NOT YET'; any experience or accomplishment that defines me? (College Entrance Essay) [3]

Generally speaking I think you have to mention your own story, do you attend any workshops regarding writing your statement of purpose, I am sorry, I think you are out of scope, can you search you tube for videos on how to write an essay? I am talking about the contents, do you got my point? your ability to write is perfect but what to write is the issue.

If we look to the topic, may I suggest these corrections:
Have you ever wondered why people write essays? From my experience, I have been writing essays since I was in first grade. As I got older, however, the essay questions became harder; the essays appeared longer. Gone were the cute questions easily answerable by a yes or a no and the meaningless essay only your six-year-old self can write and get away with it. (I cannot understand what you mean)

I can never forget the fact when I first wrote a proper essay that I was proud of. For the first time, I garnered full marks and a stamp my little self always dreamed of having. Looking back, I realized a deeper reason of my pride. If one compares that essay to the essays I did in first grade, one can see a lot of differences. The former was full in the sense that it had more meaning and understanding than the latter. Like me, it "grew up" had grown up and became more mature.