Undergraduate / The decision of what career I would like to pursue is a very difficult and stressful time for me [6]

The essay overall is good
your reasons for being a chemical engineer is easily seen from your past experience and its easy to see that in your essay
however there are some grammatical errors with the sentence structure you have some run-on sentences

Undergraduate / GAP year essay for common app required explanation. Mount Holyoke College Applicant [6]

you explain in your essay how the gap year has benefited you in choosing a career and passion you wish to peruse after high school

however there isn't much why you specifically chose economics and political science if you expand a little more on that it will be more effective

Undergraduate / Design an academic course Emory Prompt 1 essay [7]

thank you it does give it a good intro
was that the only thing i should fix

Undergraduate / Design an academic course Emory Prompt 1 essay [7]

( edited )

If I were to create a course at Emory, it would be centered on learning about the different cultures in the world. The best way to understand and appreciate diversity is to see its effects on our community. Emory is full of students from all parts of the global with mixed races and cultures, these students will especially be able to benefit from this course. Instead of having one professor giving a lecture, the students will be the ones who are teaching and participating. Students will create projects and participate in activities that expose them to new ideas. Each student will be able to gain insight about the culture and religion of others. The course will be enhanced by class discussion about the different cultures and belief systems that exist. Students will explore the barriers that makes them different, and determine why each culture functions the way it does. By the end of the course, students will have new found respect for each other's belief systems and awareness about the variety of cultures that exist within their community.

Diversity is often overlooked and undermined by humans. Society has yet to accept the idea that our differences is what makes us special. Even in the 20th century people suffer from racial and cultural discrimination. The hatred that arises from discrimination comes from the lack of knowledge about the differences that separate us. Ignorance can shut our minds to the possibilities and the knowledge that can be gained from learning about different cultures. However, if we are educated at a young age to appreciate and be aware of this diversity, things like racism and discrimination will not be a problem.

At Emory University there are many international studies and humanities courses that teach the history and importance of diversity. The courses spark interest in students to pursue a careers that protects minorities from discrimination and allows society to have a more diverse community. Although these courses help student learn from studying the past and its effects, they don't technically help students see diversity in a new light. It takes more than learning about historical facts coming from books and documents to fully understand the importance of diversity. Instead of focusing externally to gain this knowledge, we should look for it closer to home. It's through interactions and exposure students can fully gain understanding. By being taught the cultural from students with that background enhances the educational process, giving it more depth.

One benefit that come from students sharing cultures is an enriching educational experience. The understanding and reverence that is gained for other cultures creates a complaisant environment that strengthens a community. The knowledge gained through this exposure not only shows the difference in our beliefs but also the similarities. Two students from completely different backgrounds can agree and share a similar perspective on certain topics mentioned during discussions. The shared experiences illuminates the idea of equality and respect students can have for one another, overall improving their ethics in teamwork.

Undergraduate / Design an academic course Emory Prompt 1 essay [7]

thank you so much for your comments and advise it was extremely helpful

Undergraduate / The word "Ethiopian" over the years have been manipulated to mean so many things nowadays [6]

so i edited up my essay to focus on one theme
but im not sure if i left out important details that were relevant in my original or added extras

Over the past years Ethiopia has gone through drastic economic problems that left the country in poverty. The scarcity of clean water and food has killed over millions of lives. Being a third world country Ethiopia's rich history and contributions are lost and become irrelevant compared to the famine and deaths weakening the nation. Ethiopia is no longer seen as the greater powerful nation that successfully resisted European imperialism anymore. To the media and western world it's the face of starvation and hunger. Knowing this my parents including many other left the country in hopes of rising a new generation well educated to save the country from poverty. Although Ethiopians stressed the importance of education and had great reverence for it, they lacked the technology and resources to enforce it. Unable to fully educate their children at home they looked to an economically developed country as a source. They believed America gave children education opportunities far greater than those back home. Willing to sacrifice everything for their children's benefits they moved here in hopes of providing their children with academic opportunity.

Although I spent most of my life in the US, my parents never let me lose my Ethiopian identity. No matter what the country was going through they had a strong sense of nationalism like most Ethiopians. Culture and respect was always present in my life, they would never let me forget the life and beauty of my home country. No matter how the media puts us, they tried hard to always point out the positive. Explaining the only reasons they came to America is so that one day I'm well educated enough to fix the problems of my own country. No matter the corruptions they saw, hope was never lost. The value they placed on my education helped me see my responsibilities in life. Every Ethiopian knows the hardships thrown at us by society as immigrants in a new world. Faced to live with new people and covert to their idealistic way of life. Our parents would constantly pierce in our minds their sacrifices. Giving up their luxuries life in Ethiopia to live in a lower class, working sixteen hours a day job, just for our educations. These reminders is what kept me going. I have no excuse not to be the hardest working person in my class knowing what my family goes through to provide that chance. Being Ethiopian and the responsibilities that comes with it was the virtue to success.

Even on the occasional days when I forget what it means to be Ethiopian, I would always have that one teacher that always reminded me. When we do something wrong, Mrs.Freedman would say to me and the rest of my other Ethiopian classmates, "Don't forget you're Ethiopian". She was aware of our strict culture and respect we have towards our education and also to our educators. From young we are taught educations as rare jewel to never take granted, because not everyone is given the same opportunity. Taking any time away or limiting our self from it is something most Ethiopians would never accept. That is why so many of our parents are willing to sacrifice everything for their children's education.

Seeing this always encouraged me to work hard in school, and share that knowledge with others around me. When society gave me reason to hide from my identity, I now found ways to make it my reasons for success. One of my main goals in life is inspired through the perseverance of my Ethiopian culture. My culture taught me to be proud and have no shame in my Ethiopian identity, giving me endurance to strive for high academic success. This determination gave me strength and challenged me to work hard in school to teach others the value of education and its impact over our success

Undergraduate / The word "Ethiopian" over the years have been manipulated to mean so many things nowadays [6]

Common App prompt on the word limit is 650
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Undergraduate / The word "Ethiopian" over the years have been manipulated to mean so many things nowadays [6]

i really don't know which parts to shorten but i understand it being too long and cutting out unnecessary parts
also i needed to know if my edited version focuses on one theme in this essay or is it still not focused like the last one

Undergraduate / Caltech ethics and challenge prompt [4]

its a good essay and you answer the prompt well
the only advise i would give you is to expand how helping your mother affected ur school work because if u ealsy choose ur mother over it it wasn't that much of a contemplating choice

Undergraduate / I'm a green butterfly - it symbolizes a sense of gentleness, serenity, and warmth; William and Mary [5]

this is a perfect essay i really like your introduction and it really does make you unique believing u should be an insect and you do a really good job explaining why it if your personality

only comment is to have a better concluding sentence or paragraph

Undergraduate / Although I spent most of my years in the US, my parents never let me lose my Ethiopian identity [5]

thank you for your suggestions and i will work on it
i was trying to get my ideas out at first before i worked on grammar so suggestions on the overall essay would be greatly appreciated too

Undergraduate / Although I spent most of my years in the US, my parents never let me lose my Ethiopian identity [5]

Edited

Over the past few years, Ethiopia has gone through drastic economic problems that have left the country in poverty. Ethiopia's rich history and contributions are lost and have become irrelevant in comparison to the famine and the deaths weakening the nation. To the media and the western world, Ethiopia is the face of starvation and hunger. Knowing this, my parents, along with many others, left the country in hope of establishing a new educated generation to save the country from poverty. Although most Ethiopians stressed the importance of education, they lacked the technology and resources to enforce it. Unable to fully educate their children at home, they looked to an economically developed country as an alternative. They believed America gave children educational opportunities far greater than those in Ethiopia. Willing to sacrifice everything for their children's education, Ethiopian parents migrated to a new country.

Although I spent most of my life in the US, my parents never allowed me to lose sight of my Ethiopian identity. Even after witnessing the problems the country faced, they were optimistic and had a strong sense of nationalism. Culture and respect have always been reinforced in my life, my parents never let me forget the life and beauty of my nation. No matter how the media put portrayed Ethiopia, they always pointed out the positive aspects. Despite the corruption they saw, hope was never lost. My parents continuously remind me of the reason they came to America; so that I can one day help fix my country's problems. The value they placed on my education helped me understand my responsibilities in life. Every Ethiopian immigrant knows the hardships we face in society because we are foreigners, forced to live in a society that converts our idealistic way of life. Our parents would constantly remind us of the sacrifices they made, giving up their luxurious lives in Ethiopia just to live in the lower class and have small income job all for our education. These reminders are what keep me fuel my drive to excel. I have no excuse not to be the hardest working person in my class knowing what my family went through just so that I could have this chance. Being Ethiopian and the responsibilities that come with it, was the virtue of my success.

Even when I occasionally forget what it means to be Ethiopian, I was lucky enough to have a teacher who reminded me. When we make mistakes, Mrs. Kezh would say to me and the rest of my Ethiopian classmates, "Don't forget you're Ethiopian". She was aware of our strict and conservative culture and the value we have towards for our education and educators. From a young age, we are taught education is a rare jewel never to be taken for granted because not everyone is given the opportunity to be educated. In the Ethiopian culture, because of this value that education has, taking time away from education or not excelling in all we do, has never been an option. That is why so many of our parents are willing to sacrifice everything for their children's education.

Seeing this always encouraged me to work hard in school and to have great reverence towards my education. When society gave me a reason to hide from my identity, I found ways to make it my reasons for success. One of my main goals in life is inspired by the perseverance nature of my Ethiopian culture. My culture has taught me to be proud and shameless in my Ethiopian identity, giving me the endurance to strive for high academic success. This determination gave me strength and challenged me to work hard in school. My success has given me a reason to share my knowledge with others, teaching them the value of education and culture and its impact on our success.