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The decision of what career I would like to pursue is a very difficult and stressful time for me


tm71207 1 / 2  
Oct 27, 2014   #1
Explain your interest in the major you selected. You may describe a related experience you've had to that area of study and/or your future career goals. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.

Hi I would just like some constructive criticism on my essay. i'm not the best writer so please be honest :). Also I am at 330 words but i'm having trouble removing unneeded info. Any help is appreciated.

There comes a point in one's life when he or she has to make the decision of what career he or she would like to pursue. For most, this is a very difficult and stressful time. For me, I aspired to become an engineer at a young age. As I was growing up, I had many of the traits that most engineers posses. I always liked solving problems, jigsaw puzzles in particular were my favorite, which, I believe, helped develop my problem-solving and patience skills. Math always came easy to me and was my favorite subject throughout most of school years. I was very innovative especially when it came to constructing things that I enjoyed at the time. For example, when I was twelve I developed an interest for slingshots, I wanted to get one but my parents believed that it was too dangerous for a twelve-year old to handle. This didn't stop me however, I watched multiple videos and read many tutorials on how to construct one myself, and after many failed attempts I finally made one out of a tree branch that I carved out and shaped, a exercise band that my mother never found again, a wallet, and a kitchen knife. Even though I felt certain I wanted to enter the engineering field, I didn't know specifically what engineering route I wanted to explore. This all changed, however, when I took chemistry my sophomore year in high school. What started off as being the class that I did other classes homework in, became my favorite class of the day. Learning that the food we eat, the air we breathe, the water we drink, even emotions like love, hatred is a result of chemical processes, captivated me. This lead to my desire to become a chemical engineer, and after countless hours of research, and numerous presentations on the career I can genuinely say that chemical engineering is my best career option where I can apply the ideas behind chemistry to the principles of engineering.
rizu 1 / 3  
Oct 28, 2014   #2
"As I was growing up, I had many of the traits that most engineers posses." I think you should remove this line. And you should tell the reader why you were aspired to be an engineer.You can use this quote "Engineering is the art of directing the great sources of power in nature for the use and convenience of man. Thomas Tredgold (1828)" and come up with an idea around it.
OP tm71207 1 / 2  
Oct 28, 2014   #3
Thanks for the feedback:). Are those the only things you found wrong with my essay?
Mismak17 3 / 12 1  
Oct 28, 2014   #4
The essay overall is good
your reasons for being a chemical engineer is easily seen from your past experience and its easy to see that in your essay
however there are some grammatical errors with the sentence structure you have some run-on sentences
OP tm71207 1 / 2  
Oct 29, 2014   #5
Thanks For the feedback =)
mirrrrr 1 / 4  
Oct 29, 2014   #6
being the class that I did other classes homework in,

i like the humorous route you were trying to go with but I think it could be re-worded differently. Also, try blending in your first two sentences more the jump from "one" to "me" is kind of abrupt. Maybe add a sentence like "my experience was no different."

please check mine out if you have any spare time :)


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