Posts by ali27

ali27

Nov 27, 2014

Writing Feedback / An intelligent audience watching TV acquire positive sides from it - the perception is important [2]

please correct my essay. I would be appreciate to know where is my mistakes

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society?

Media is one of the strongest and most affecting tools on society members. Television as a particle of media, which is the most pervasive one among other media, plays an important role on society culture. But there are different view about it, if its disadvantages outweigh advantages, it become a kind of wrecking ball.

People who believe television damage society's culture, introduce some evidence for their claim. Firstly, they compare ancient lifestyle and modern. They say, population relationships was more strengther than today, because they had more recreation customs which needs presence in a groups and were less technology dependent but nowadays with existence of TV series, Talk shows, sitcom people tend to pass their free time in watching them so gaps between families has increases. Secondly each channel or TV program tries to introduce their notion, each of them propose their thoughts which thinks it is best for society and unfortunately some powers use this method to induce what they think on targeted people. For instance west and east culture has lots of difference but west media's because of their ability in money and presenting their thought could effect on east culture and change their believes.

It cannot deny television advantages on people life. Nowadays with hundreds of rolling news channels you cannot miss incidents which happened in world, sometimes those news effect on people's deals in order to its like chain connect to their life. The other channel such as documentaries or educational one present some information which are useful for individual's life or numbers of TV series can be watched in free time. Even some special programs are introducing people customs which is coordinated with targeted people.

Television cannot be said absolutely has downside and benefit. Usually audience select a program to watch and its perception from that is more important. An intelligent audience is one who watch carefully and compare with their custom then tries to acquire positive sides.

ali27

Dec 2, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS: What is the most happy age between teenage and adult. Discuss both views. [5]

A popular topic talked about by people in all walks of life is which is the most enjoyable age. Some people say that it is school life whereas others prefer mature life. This essay will discuss both of these responses. However, in my opinion, adult age outweigh adolescent age.

It is always struggle among people which period of life is the best. In childhood period, children think being an adult could give them more Independence whereas adults thinks school ages is best ages because their own unique responsibility is studying. This essay would prob in this issue and evaluate each period of life priority.

Regarding the young age, clearly its advantages come mainly from the low degree of responsibilities. First, people in this range do not work. As a result, they are far from being stressed out. Take daily life as an example, they arrive at homes from schools early leading to have a great amount of leisure time, unlike adults who tend to have short rest time because of work. In addition, due to their parent's support, these juveniles have only few things to be concerned about. To illustrate, when they get ill, they could stay on beds, because their parents will look after them. Therefore, they are likely to have a great number of pleasant days.

~~Regarding the in young age, clearly its advantages come mainly from the low degree of responsibilities.~~Main advantages of younger age is lack of responsibility . Firstly , ~~people in this range~~they do not need to work. As a result, they are far from being stressed out. Take daily life is as an example, they arrive at homes from schools early leading to have a great amount of leisure time,.~~unlike~~whereas adults who ~~tend to~~ have short rest time because of their jobs typ e . In addition, due to ~~their~~ parent's support, juveniles ~~have only few things to be~~ concern~~ed about~~ are less. To illustrate, when they get ill, they could stay on beds, ~~because~~ and their parents will look after them. Therefore, they are likely to have a great number of pleasant days.

ali27

Dec 2, 2014

Writing Feedback / There are different learning abilities of children in the class to accept same educational ways. [2]

There are different learning abilities of children in the class to accept same educational ways. However, some state that studying together will be beneficial for all children; other believe that more talented children should be taught alone. My view is that we should treat every child fairly,to teach all kids in one class.

I can't understand what do you mean from your first sentence

However, some ~~state~~ argue that studying together will be beneficial for all children; other believes~~that~~ more talented children should be taught alone. My view is that we should treat every child fairly,to teach all kids in one class

If I were you I did not write your last sentence in this way, I believe in IELTSwriting should not be like this, you have to write it impersonal

so I correct it in this way
It is believed each child should be treat fairly in order to all types of intelligent gather in one class.

I prefer you studying this book
Essay Writing for English Test by Gobi Duigu

ali27

Dec 2, 2014

Writing Feedback / Due to influence of world-wide media, the gap between cultures is narrowing. [2]

Due to influence of world-wide media such as television and computer, the gap between cultures is narrowing. The introduction of this 'Global Culture' is of great benefit to the world.

To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Mass Media's main purpose is getting people more closer which social media help could help to achieve that goal. The main effect of being constant in touch with those media is being know about others culture and comparing with own one. Unfortunately in some cases people are attracted to prominent one which is presented by powers who are able to introduce purpose culture in exciting and interesting way. Nowadays a new approach about culture has introduced which does not accept a definite culture in a definite borders or geography, it is called global culture. In this idea, it is believed gaps between culture should be reduced and people should think and attitude in one way. In this essay I would evaluate advantages and disadvantages about this idea.

The reason which followers of global culture use that to present their claim is, they believed it can decrease intention and interaction among nations. Some example which is used is about India, a country with about 400 different language and different cultures, but nowadays a central government could hold this multicultural country or the other example is Europe with more than 30 country, but most of them have same culture and lifestyle. In reverse in middle-east with many struggles which most of them are among tribes and religious parties.

But opponent of global culture believes, this idea has introduce with powers who have special tools for advertising and with their experts and analyst help introduce their own idea and in some cases they changes their nations believes so in this situation national culture could removed, some custom would forgotten. For example Iranian had a ceremony some days before new year which they pass on the fire to removes their year worst memories but nowadays this is affected by west custom in new year it is converted to a fireworks which is far from that believes.

The idea of getting closer among culture is not but if people independently find the way and they should not affected by governments with special powers.