Posts by chestnuto

chestnuto

Dec 23, 2014

Undergraduate / My work in WIC didn't shake the world, or even cause a tremor. And yet, I am proud. Columbia essay [5]

Yes I agree with vangiespen, you should write down at least once what 'WIC' stands for. Without it I'm having a hard time to guess the ideas you are trying to express. The rest parts seems find to me. I can sense you passion for this internship experience.

If any, I would suggest you to dig deeper and put more emphasis on you reflections through this activity. But I gotta admit it's really hard to get so much ideas across with such a short length tho. :)

chestnuto

Dec 24, 2014

Undergraduate / Quashing rumors of women's colleges [7]

Essay prompt: What about Scripps College has inspired you to apply? (200 words)

Rumor has it that women's colleges only have three types of students: arty girls, die-hard feminists, and of course, lesbians. Hardly can be categorized as any, attending unisex schools has never been an option for me until last spring, an unscheduled visit upturned my distaste into infatuation.

Scripps revealed the true worth of a women's college for me, notably the nurturing, driving and empowering environment, which makes it a natural extension of my IB experience. Novel programs of Humanities Institutes and resources within Claremont colleges will enable me to explore varied aspects of humanity, while devoted faculties like professor Groscup with expertise in both psychology and laws will empower me to pursue my passion for their intersections. With the wide-accessible leadership opportunities and encouraging atmosphere, I see my future wider and wilder than ever.

Walking further with bustles faded behind, I imagined myself heading back to Scripps from media courses at Pitzer, exhausted. As an international student who traveled across the Pacific for dream and belief, when I see the lights of Clark Hall at the end of the day, it feels home.

Few hours on campus, I met Scripps girls of all kinds, distinctively different. Yet, with the boundless curiosity, impetus to achieve, and sense of belongingness, they are intrinsically the same. Value and share the exact traits, I'd love love nothing more than quashing the rumor together with them at Scripps.

(235 words)

Hi guys im kinda new around here. This is my why essay for scripps. Suggestions on grammars, structurer, general comments, any thing will help. (Need a lot help to trim down the length tho)

Thank you so much and I'd love to return the favor!
Merry Christmas everyone!!

chestnuto

Dec 24, 2014

Undergraduate / UChicago - What's so odd about odd numbers? [5]

Nice job done here zeeconomist! I'd admit this is one of the best responses I've seen for this prompt. The creativity you demonstrated here should be just right for U Chicago's quirky taste haha. I don't see a lot grammar problems here so well done! I would be comfortable to submit this essay in.

Good luck with he application!

chestnuto

Dec 24, 2014

Undergraduate / I was told to use $75 on a nice dinner for my family, and not waste it on applying to top schools [5]

Hi there. It's worth a shot to explain special conditions in this section in order to get the Adcoms attention. I understand that you wanna say you can't achieve highly in academics because your family issues, but you made a lot of effort in ECs, and now your are courageous enough to apply regardless what others think. I mean, that's all good thinking, but you really need to find another way to put it, because there are just way too much negativities in this current version. It sounds rather like whining to the Adcom, which probably will hurt you during the admission process.

What I think you should do is to put more emphasize on positive sides of your experience, like how you overcame your family situation to further pursue your passion in ECs, what you achieved, and why they made you such a competent candidate for this particular school outside of the GPA and test scores. Show them you are confident about who you are and what you did, it will help a lot more than being cynic about College Confidential, complaining about the family mess, or making excuses for yourself.

chestnuto

Dec 27, 2014

Undergraduate / Quashing rumors of women's colleges [7]

Thank you, all of you! The comments have been really helpful!
I actually noticed that there are many problems with the essay structure and the points are rather disconnected, but I'm having a hard time to find ways to fix it, and that's why I posted it here.

however the order doesn't seem to make sense

rtan05, any suggestions on how should reorder this essay? Should I place what I experienced at the campus at top and then extended to my researches in to their academic programs?

I did the same for one of my essays

Really? I'm glad that we are thinking in the same way! I'd love to read that essay! :)
Thank you for the revisions, by the "intersections" I mean the interdisciplinary studies between law and psychology, because I have strong interests for them both, and I want to further investigate how they interact with each other.

chestnuto

Dec 27, 2014

Undergraduate / I was told to use $75 on a nice dinner for my family, and not waste it on applying to top schools [5]

Nice work on your revised version! I like this tone so much more than the original version, it's very genuine and personal. And I believe the Adcoms will be impressed by how you conquered your adversity and made the most out of it too!

I won't comment on the grammars too much since I really suck at it haha. If there's anything more I think you could make your response more concise, it's just "additional info" after all. I remember some admission officers specifically told me that they don't want to read another essay in this section so just keep it short. Make the AOs job easier and they will like you more!

It's just my opinion though, go with what you like. Good luck with the applications!

chestnuto

Dec 27, 2014

Undergraduate / Quashing rumors of women's colleges [7]

Thank you so much for your comments! "quashing rumors" is actually not my title, I figured that if I opened the essay with a sentence I probably should end it in a similar way.

So basically what I was trying to do here is to say that I never thought about going to a women's college before because of prejudices, but after the visit to I see the positive sides of it, and find Scripps worth traveling across the Pacific for.

Then I explained the reasons why it attracts me:
- education philosophy (core curriculum) fits my previous studies
- faculty resources and academic opportunities - encourage varies interests and interdisciplinary studies
- nurturing and supportive environment for leadership
- I feel belonged in the campus
At the end I talked about the student body, they quashed the rumor for me. And the qualities I share with the student body(boundless curiosity, impetus to achieve, and sense of belongingness) make me want to officially come one of the Scrippers, and quashing the rumor for others too.

This idea sounded good to me at the first, but may be because the way I put it here, the essay turns out to be quite confusing. I'll rewrite another version and post it in this thread, hope you can take a look at it and tell me what you think.

chestnuto

Dec 27, 2014

Undergraduate / BU Supp: For the joint program in International Relations & International Communication [3]

The application deadline is approaching, I would really love some help with this essay!
I think I've covered all the main points, but it's currently 335 words and the limit is only 250. So can you give suggestions on how to trim the length? Grammar check and any other suggestions will be vert much appreciated too. I will to return the favor!

Thanks every one and good luck with your applications too!:)

Prompt: In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission.

Ever since I was born, I began piecing together my map puzzle. Holding the piece of Mongolia in one hand and China with Muslim on back in the other, I then collected portions of Europe in my exchange year in the UK. Next I grasped Korea while studying there, along with other pieces as I travel to different places. Wherever I go, I'm intrigued by the varied ways people interact and communicate with each other. An initial avid interest led to my internship at a top market research and media consulting firm, sparked my passion towards communication in a global setting.

Summer of my sophomore year, I took International relations and Mass Communications courses at BU. First-hand college life experience on campus enabled me to truly explore BU, and develop an affinity that is continuously reinforced as my research went further.

The Joint Degree program in International Relations & International Communication perfectly caters to my two both of my two passions that are often interrelated. For an aspiring communication major, BU's surroundings are impeccable. It is so integrated with Boston this huge media market, with countless opportunities only a subway ride away. "Summer London Internship Program" provides pragmatic experiences with credits, which is an ideal scene for pursuing an international career. In an increasingly globalized world, opting a joint degree of the two will equip me with a more versatile skill set and broader vision in achieving my dream in the vibrant media industry and more.

Besides academic interests and career goals, BU's values of inclusiveness and social engagement also align with my own. I love the fact that BU emphasizes on rigors study and application, yet still maintains a dynamic campus life. It accurately embodies everything I longed for in university: the energy, the diversity, the ambition and the intellectual brilliance. For all of these reasons, I believe BU is just right for me. I can't wait to travel across the Pacific to BU again and flash it out on my map next fall.

chestnuto

Dec 27, 2014

Undergraduate / We all reach that peak in a day when we feel invincible - my favorite time of the day [9]

I think your original version is actually quite unique and eye-catching. But I agree with @vangiespen that the theme is not clear enough. The second version sounds indeed much better, but to improve it I think you can try to incorporate some ideas from your first version, it will add creativity into your essay and make it stand out.

Won't comment on grammars tho cuz I suck at that haha

chestnuto

Dec 27, 2014

Undergraduate / BU Supp: For the joint program in International Relations & International Communication [3]

Thank you, both of you for your comments! I'd glad that you like it :)
I'll work on the metaphor in the last sentence, but I'm struggling with the word limits tho.
It says no more than 250 words but I have 335, and I really don't know which part should I cut cuz they all seem quite essential to me. I could really need some help to cut down the words. :)))

Thank you so much!!

chestnuto

Dec 28, 2014

Undergraduate / MY STORY - Notre Dame is a Catholic school, so I don't want write anything too violent or immoral [4]

Personally I enjoyed reading the first one more, as I can feel the tensions within the plot and I'm eager to read the rest of the story.

About them being too dark, I think it's rather a really minor issue. It showed your distinct writing style and there's no need to hide it. It's true ND is a catholic school, but they are not that conservative.

The prompt asks you to show how well you can tell a story and get people hooked, and so far you did an impressive job on it.