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Posts by Mr Baniu
Name: Wei Zhu
Joined: Jul 7, 2015
Last Post: Oct 6, 2015
Threads: 1
Posts: 5  
From: China

Displayed posts: 6
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Mr Baniu   
Jul 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / On narrowing the generation gap between parents and children-academic writing [4]

Hey guys! I'm new to the website which I found two days ago and I really find it a great platform to revise writings and interact with other users. Now I'm preparing for an English exam for graduate school entrance and it requires the ability to write well. I hope in the next few months I can get better in writing with all of you!

Prompt:
According to a study conducted by China Population Communication Center, 75% of high school students in China admitted that they found it difficult to talk with their parents. As a college student, what measures would you recommend to bridge the widening generation gap?

Narrowing the Generation Gap
It is undoubtedly that generation gap has become a hot issue in today's society. According to a survey, the majority of high school students find it difficult to talk with their parents. Generation gap, if not dealt with correctly, is certainly to become a hindrance to harmony in household. In my opinion, raising mutual understanding is the key step to narrow the widening generation gap, and it requires joint effort of children and parents.

First of all, children need to be more open to communicate with their parents. New generation always has different opinions and understandings of the world which may cause confusion and opposition from the older generation who are usually slow to the changes happening around the world. Having said that, it is impossible for both sides not to have common topics. As the old saying goes, blood is thicker than water. Family's love can and will break the temporary misunderstanding which can be erased through effective and tactical daily communication. Therefore, children, instead of concealing their feelings, they should try to talk to parents as much as they can on a wide range of issues which they think are discussion welcome, from events in school to daily news, from personal challenges to family matters, these are all topics which can be discussed with parents and that will eventually improve the understanding between the two parties as kids are now aware of the way parents look at the world and give opinions.

As for parents, most importantly, they need to get off their high horses first. Many kids refuse to talk about their experience with their parents who are always criticizing. Sometimes criticism is negative to kids' development in that it will hurt their self-esteem. Therefore, if parents are less critical, the more likely that the conversation will carry out in an atmosphere where children is willing to share. A case in point is the movie the Music Never Stopped. In this movie, conflicts frequently happen between a father and his son due to their opposing political opinions and taste of music. But as the father tries hard to repair their relationship with patience when his son is in trouble, he eventually successfully reconnects with his son. This story just demonstrates a change in attitude towards children, which involves understanding, can eliminate the estrangement in a family.

Actually, family activities could be carried out to deepen the mutual understanding between parents and children. Family picnic to a natural park, family trip, or just sitting together watching TV can be an appropriate chance to enhance relationship.

To conclude, the narrowing of generation gap should be based on mutual understanding between parents and kids through their joint effort. It will contribute to the harmonious atmosphere in family, and the happiness of each family will lead to the well-being of the whole society.
Mr Baniu   
Jul 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / "Is popular culture the strongest influence on a young person's identity?" SAT Essay [7]

Their identity, then, is just a renewed reflection of community's morals, believes beliefs and aspirations.
For instance, German work ethic, American Liberalism and Chinese endurance are proves proofs that generations'...

I think overall you did a pretty good job writing this essay. You showed a deep command of use of vocab as well as complex sentences despite a few grammar mistakes(as stated above and in others' posts. I would grade it5 out of 6.

"In fact, media/propaganda messages", here, slash is not appropriate in formal academic writing. You can say "media or propaganda".

Also, you need to include your thesis statement in the 1st paragraph. Allow me to add one for you.

In a world overwhelmed with the brands of globalization manifested in a standardized way of living, eating, behaving and acting, starkly different views rose on the fore while asking whether cosmopolitan culture or popular culture has the final say and the strongest impact on youth's identity. As far as I'm concerned, youth's identity is certainly influenced by the popular culture.
Mr Baniu   
Oct 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Tourists Irresponsibility Killed The Local Wisdom [4]

The local society which is visited by foreign tourists will lost their identity and natural culture.lose
In other side, some tourism is not ready to run tourist programs,on the other
the number of tourist also causes social jealousy since some tourists show glamourlife style such as dress, car, or sophisticated technology . glamorous; lifestyle
You need to improve your basic grammar.I've corrected a few for you, and I'm sure you can keep revising on your own.

Irresponsibility Tourists Killed Local Wisdom. This is not a proper title of the essay, because it is one negative effect of tourism in your eyes. Use a more general title.

But the structure of your essay is well organized.If you really want to improve your writing or simply raise the score if youre writing for an exam, you need to pay more attention to the details, such as grammar and coherence.
Mr Baniu   
Oct 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Respect the environment by travelling with responsible manner - IELTS : Writing Task 2 [4]

First, you havr to know that manner has completely different meanings with manners. Go check dicionary. Use manners in your essay.
In conclusion,traveling is a wonderful adventure. Doing it in a sensitive and responsible way will make the experiences more meaningful and authentic.
Some people argue that tourism could effect the travelers' destinations negatively.affect
And the second sentence of the first paragraph should be the topic sentence. But in the following paragraph, you mention neither global warming or climate change. Topic sentence serves as a guidance to the overall essay.So, you will have to either restrcuture your topic sentence or write according to your topic sentence.
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