Writing Feedback / Advantages of the music in secondary school - brain development and obtaining some necessary skills [3]

TOEFL: Should all students be required to take art and music in secondary school.

When the role of music and art in the secondary school comes into view, there exist conflicting opinions. Some people are convinced that students should be required to have music and art in annual program, while some people hold the opposite approach. For the sake of my discussion, I argue that music and art should be required to all students in secondary school for following reasons.

Firstly, art education can help us to rewire the brain in the positive ways. In the last 6 years, educational research provided some ample assertion that create art can help skills translate to other academic pieces of car. A research held by John Hopkins University of Education researchers show that In one four-year study, students undertaking regular music training were found to have changes in their brain structures helping them transfer their motor skills to similar areas. Another found students motivated to practice a specific art form and spent time with focused attention increased the efficiency of their attention network as a whole, even when working in other areas of study - and it improved their fluid IQ scores.

Another reason is that music and art enhance the skills which play a visual role in modern world such as creativity, flexibility. As Joseph M.Calahan, director of cooperate communications, Xerox corporation, once said: " Art education aids students in skills needed in the workplace: flexibility, the ability to solve the problems and communicate, the ability to learn new skills, to be creative and innovative, and to strive for excellence".

There have been dissenters to that view that secondary students do not take any benefit from studying art and music, they need others important subjects such as mathematics, physics and science. This is not right due to the aforementioned evidences. In addition, the need for mathematics, physics and science is as much as the one for art and music in our life. As William Bennett, Former US Secretary of education, once said: " The arts are an essential element of education, just like reading, writing, arithmetic,...music, dance, painting, theater are all keys to unlock profound human understanding and accomplishment".

In conclusion, secondary students should be required to study art and music education mainly due to the advantages to which it brings for us: brain's development, skills needed in our world.

This is my essay. Please help me to check it. :). Many thanks.

Writing Feedback / The capacity of reading and writing is more necessary nowadays than it was before [3]

Is the ability to read and write more important today than in the past?

This is my Toefl essay, please help me to check it. Many thanks. :). It's about 335 words.

There has been an inconclusive debate about whether the ability to read and write today is more important than in the past or not. For the sake of this discussion, I argue that the capacity of reading and writing today is more important than in the past because of two following reasons.

Firstly, it could be recognized that nowadays, comprehension and expression are the basic skills to survive at our society. What I mean is that a very long time ago, ancient people can live without being aware of reading and writing, now it is impossible. You have to do read and write many forms such as job application, your mortgage documents. When you come to new place, you have to read map to know how to go to your destination.

Secondly, reading and writing is the rudimentary tools for our communication. There are great deal of methods for us to communicate with each other in modern world, especially with the invention of the Internet people can contact with others all over the world. Facebook, for example, is one of the most popular social network for people around the world to contact with each other. We write a status and your friends will know your feelings, your events by reading your status.

Last but not least, most of jobs require their applicants to have ability to read and write. Due to the rapid development of technology, many a jobs on the labor markets are for literate people and a very few of ones are for people who do not know to read and write. It can be clearly seen that people do not have to do physical work on land anymore, machines do it instead of. Employers need to hire worker who can read the instruction and control the machines.

In conclusion, reading and writing are more and more important in modern world than in the past, mainly due to its role at survival at our society, its role on the communication and finding jobs.