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Posts by dveri
Name: Алиса Конова&#10
Joined: Oct 3, 2015
Last Post: Oct 10, 2015
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: Россия

Displayed posts: 5
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dveri   
Oct 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: how access to information via the internet influences life [6]

Hello! Could you please evaluate my essay? I'm prepating for TOEFL and this is the first essay I've written. I'm worried that it's too short (275 words and I barely was able to finish it in 20-25 minutes) and the language is too primitive for a good score. Could you give me some tips for improving my writing? I need at least 72-95 points for the test overall.

Topic:
The widespread use of the internet has given people access to information on a level never experienced before. How does this increase in the availability of information influence life in today's world?

Essay:

Nowadays thanks to the internet many people have quick access to any kind of information on a diversified range of topics. In my opinion, it influences our lives in a positive way. In the following paragraphs I'll try to explain the reasons for my point of view.

First of all, the internet creates more opportunities for education. For example, young people who live in small towns don't always have the means to go to university. With the internet they can get a diploma in a wide range of topics by doing a distance-learning course in the best universities. Besides, there are many websites such as Coursera or Khan Academy which let you educate yourself on various topics. Moreover, there are millions of websites concerned with specific hobbies, no matter how obscure they might be. So if you have a very specific interest, thanks to the internet you can quickly find people who think alike and learn everything about it together.

Secondly, the amount of information sources provided by internet make it easier for people to uncover the truth about current events. These days when something happens in the world, you can quickly research media coverage of this event as well as find out what other people think about it. There are also websites such as stopfake.net whose aim is to separate truth from rumors and lies.

In summary, I believe that easy access to information provided by the internet influences our live in a positive way. It helps people to educate themselves and encourages them to think critically.
dveri   
Oct 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: how access to information via the internet influences life [6]

Thank you all very much for feedback! I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. Are you sure two reasons/paragraphs aren't enough for a TOEFL essay? Most of the advices I googled recommend writing and explaining two reasons.

As for conclusion, I also thought it was too short. Is this better?

We shouldn't forget that every coin has two sides, so the internet also has disadvantages. However, I believe that easy access to information provided by the internet influences our live mostly in a positive way. There are many online resources for education. Internet promotes knowledge and encourages people to think critically. Those facts demonstarte that using the internet as a source of information is benificial for society.
dveri   
Oct 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / Visiting another country is always better than only watching it on television [2]

Hello, Pramudita! I like that your essay has a definite structure, however there are some sentences I'd have written a bit differently. Here they are:

1) humans are able to study more such as behavior of inhabitants that cannot be obtained by only watching television => humans are able to learn more about such elements of culture as behavior of inhabitants which cannot be studied by only watching television

2) thanks to much information actually are not aired on television programs => because much information isn't actually shown on television

3) It is caused many things cannot be told in detail, so that only by travelling to the site the information is known as a whole => That's becase many things can't be told in detail on TV, so only travelling to the site can provide such information as a whole.

4) because some news on TV, I thought Papua was really old-fashioned, primitive city => because of some news on TV, I thought Papua was a really old-fashioned, primitive city

5) when I went to the town, it was extremely unexpected => when I went to the town, it was completely different from what I had expected

What do you think? Bear in mind I'm not a native speaker :)
dveri   
Oct 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / Isolation from the world is not a good idea for any country "Toefl" [3]

hey taranehrezaee, here's what I'd change:

that in all countries which isare located around the world
that are isolated themselves from the world
Another reason that is commerce => Another reason is that commerce
unfortunately isolatingisolated countries are deprived of this necessary trading
provide proper situation for good relation - maybe proper infrastructure/amenities/environment instead of situation
In recapitulation, counties who are isolated from the world make so difficult situations for their habitant - In conclusion, living in isolated countries is inconvenient for their habitants.

They also cannot make themsleves familiar with other cultures that are existedout of the bordersoutside of their homeland.
it makeshas bad consequences

Hope that helps, keep up the good work and please let me know if I'm incorrect :)
dveri   
Oct 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: open discussions in class vs. lectures - any way to study is okay as long as it works [2]

Hello, could you please evaluate my TOEFL essay? :)

Topic: Some students prefer classes with open discussions between the professor and students and almost no lectures. Other students prefer classes with lectures and almost no discussions. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay:

There are different ways to arrange classes. I prefer classes in which I can have an open discussion with my classmates and professors. There are two reasons why to me it's the best way to study: first of all, it promotes better understanding of subjects and secondly, it is more interesting. In the following essay I'll explain those reasons.

In my opinion, open discussions are better than lectures because they help students relate to subjects. When you study a topic in class, discussion requires you to think and share your opinions and experience with classmates. For example, during my classes on taxation in my classmates and I compared how different taxes affect our country's economy and our lives, and it helped me understand and remember the logic behind calculating various taxes. Moreover, open discussions help professors to immediately evaluate the students' level of understanding, identify problems and modify the lessons accordingly. This way by the time of examinations students have a better understanding of subjects.

Secondly, classes in which students and professors exchange opinions seem more interesting to me. In my university lectures aren't popular among students and nobody likes taking notes while the professor is reading a lecture. My classmates say it becomes hard to concentrate and think about what they're writing, they get tired and start dreaming instead - and I agree with them. Moreover, open discussions make me feel like my opinion on subjects matters and it encourages me to keep studying .

Overall, I believe that any way to study is okay as long as it work for you. However, for me having more open discussions and less lectures is better. It's more challenging but also more effective. Discussions make me feel connected to the subjects I'm studying, that's why I prefer them to lectures.
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