Writing Feedback / The New Bus Driver [7]

URGENT!!! please help me vet my essay...need it ASAP

this is my essay: title: The New Bus Driver...

Walking on the streets of Chicago, I was shunned and cursed by the people that passed by me. I did not knew them, they were complete strangers, but I did not care. I was hated like all other people of my race, everyday, one or two of the "superior" beings would personally visit our homes, destroying our yards and whatever that came into their way. At first, I was angry. Angry by the very fact that our race, like theirs are humans. "Don't we deserve human rights?" I asked myself repeatedly. However, today, such strong feelings, such anger, have numbed. It became part of me , part of my routine, shunned, cursed, and even beaten up. I did not care.

Like any other day, I went to school on my usual route. Taking the bus that would always arrive at 10:15 am sharp. Uncle Patterson, another man from my race, was the bus driver. Many of us around this district would board his bus because he was the only man willing enough to take us to our destination.

10:15am, the usual bus arrived. I eagerly waited for the bus to come to a stop before making my way to the door. "Hi Uncle Patt..." Something cut my word. Sitting in the driver seat was not Uncle Patterson. A White! The White, was there, I was shocked. I stood there in silence under the blazing sun for a very long time, and not for a second had we met eye-to-eye; his fixed on his "superior" men and mine on the reluctant face of another black man.

At last, I decided to break the silence, rather to avoid any trouble.

"May I..."

He cut my word, "Ya Ya...Stupid Negro..." he murmured, and this time I knew that he was not talking to me.

I felt my heart fell into the acidic churning of my stomach and I could taste bile in my mouth. I was angry, yet I swallowed my pride and made my way to my usual seat.

After what seems years, the bus came to a stop. This time, a young and fit man boarded the bus. He was handsome, tall and seems like a honest lad. However, the only flaw on him was, he is a white. By this time, the bus was fully filled and he had no where to seat. He gave up on looking for one and stood next to the new bus driver.

I anticipated the bus to continue on its journey, and I dread every moment on the accursed bus. But it did not move. I wondered about the strange "phenomenon" and looked up. There he was, the new bus driver, standing in front of me. I was curious, yet surprised. "Why would the "superior" stand in front of me?" I wondered.

"Get the HELL UP! YOU FREAKING NEGRO!" Apparently, this answered my question. The new bus driver appeared angry and arrogant. When he looked at me, an unexpected tranquility manifested me. This calm feeling lasted only a heartbeat, the blink of an eye, and then, just like that, it was gone. What replaced it was a deep dark feeling of anger. I tried combating this spirit; I fought with the force of an army and with perseverance of a tyrant, but it prevailed. Anger had won, and I had lost. I was a river without water, drained and full of despair.

Many "Negroes" on the bus stood up with bloodshot eyes, and the whites, though a minority, stood up defensively. In a blink of an eye, the bus became a battlefield. A battlefield between two parties that did not match, like cats and dogs, ying and yang. The battle between blacks and whites is taking place right in front of my very eyes.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on a bed. "A bed of roses?" I thought "Am I in heaven?" Reality struck me instantaneously and I grew to realize that I was in the hospital. The new bus driver was lying beside me, unconscious and seems badly beaten. A sudden urge of pity filled me as I examined his wounds. However, deep within, a cry of happiness welled against my chest.

"The Blacks have finally prevailed!" I chuckled.

Thank you very much...

Writing Feedback / "Running away"; "I'm sorry for all that is happening, but..." - rate my essay [7]

Title: Running away

"I'm sorry for all that is happening, but..."

"But what? You can't deny anything. This whole incident happened because of you. It is you who have got me into this. It is you whom they are after. Because of you, I am in the middle of nowhere on Christmas night..." I yelled at him with the loudest and wildest voice I had.

He cut my word, "I'm sorry. I wish I could take you back. I would do anything to get you back." He paused and looked down, "I wish I could go back in time, I promise I would fix everything this time. I promise " he murmured, and this time I knew he was not talking to me anymore.

We stood there in silence under the dying light of the moon and star for a very long time, and not for a second had we moved our eyes; his fixed on the ground and mine on his tired face.

At last, I decided to break the silence, rather to lighten the heavy guilt that was growing in my heart for making him so miserable.

"I'm s..."

Something exploded not so far behind us. I felt my heart fell into the acidic churning of my stomach. Apparently I was not the only one who had decided to break the silence. I gazed at him with horror and confusion. "How did they fin..."

Something exploded again, this time only a few feet away from us. The explosion ended my question with a hysterical scream; it was then that someone started shooting. Without any intention I found myself crumbled on the snowy ground, clenching my frozen fingers behind my head. I saw a bullet digging deep down into the snow and I knew that it was only because of the twilight that I was not shot. However, I also knew that I had to move or it was death that was awaiting me. But my body, not a single cell, had the nerve to move, I was as stiff as stone. Fear had stamped me to the ground.

"RUN!" He shouted, "RUN, DAMM IT, RUN!" It was his cry that brought me back.

I looked up at him that was standing next to me, dragging me up by my shoulder. His face was paler than the moon that was shinning above his head.

I got up on my shaking feet, and with unspoken consent, we started running in different directions, hoping to confuse our enemies. I ran with all the strength I had, and with the fastest speed I could afford.

Soon, my feet were barely touching the ground. I had never ran this fast in my life. I marveled at my own speed and wondered what gave me strength to run this fast.

I was running. The whole world was still and I was running. Nothing existed but me and a world of roads to run on. The beats of my hopeful heart, and short breaths of mine were all I could hear. My throat was dry, my hands were shaking and my feat weaker than ever. With every crazy beat of my heart, the black curtain in front of my eyes strengthened. I knew well enough that I was not far from falling apart.

But why now? Now that I needed the strength more than any other time, now that I had to continue, stand, and fight my enemies to protect my family. Why does it have to end now?

The harsh air of winter tore my throat with every breath. Death was close, but I had never imagined dying this way. I was supposed to die like millions of other people: in bed, in the hospital or in a car accident. But life has chosen a more creative way for me.

I could not feel anything...nothing but pain. My throat was dry, my weakness growing, but the road was widespread in front of me.

"Daddy...are you a hero?"

A question my 5- year old daughter asked on her birthday popped into my mind. Instantaneously, my mind was washed away from the pain and sufferings I had suffered so far, and deep within my conscious, I had an answer.

I slowed down my pace and gazed into the wilderness of the snow-covered forest. I turned around and faced in the direction of my enemies. I closed my eyes and prayed. Looking into the solemn heavens, tears filled my eyes.

"Hope" was the only power left in me.

"Tiffany, Daddy is a hero now..."

Thank you...

Writing Feedback / I laid there,hoping that I could pass into the void & never return; PATIENCE [6]

Title: Patience

Patience

Lying in the dark, infinite cave, I gazed up into the crispness of the night air. The luminescent glow settled upon everything like some boundless shinning blanket. I recalled my younger days when night like this seemed so magical. However today, everything seemed so different. Licking on my paws, I heard my stomach rumbled. At first, I thought it was the thunder that clapped through the magical night sky, numbed, to the very fact that I had not eaten for three days. But, gradually, I came to a conclusion that I was hungry. Hunger had taken over my soul and had eaten me whole. I could smell fresh meat from miles away, but I did not have the energy to hunt or prey for food. I laid there, hoping that I could pass into the void and never return.

"Mommy...why do we, King of the Jungle, have to so patiently hunt for our food? Can't they just come to us and let us eat them?" I asked my mother whom was laying over me, licking my fur clean.

"Lester...Patience is of the essence. Remember that well and hunt for your prey, or else you are going to regret and have nothing to eat. When mommy is gone..."

I woke up startled. Tears flowed down my mane like streams of water and I roared with despair. "Mother...Where are you...I need you...mother" I screamed in my head while I recalled mother's scent and her continuous "melodious" nagging.

Just then, something cut my train of thoughts. At first I was annoyed as I recalled every detailed I had spending my time with mother. However what came next ruled over such feeling ï the instinct of survival.

Stampede of hooves striking against the dry soil reverberated through the dense jungle. "Are those Zebras?" I thought, slowly inching towards the mouth of the cave. I sniffed the air around me and confirmed that fresh meat was within my range. I battled against the rumbling of my stomach and moved stealthily towards my prey.

After coursing through the dense jungle, I arrived at a large plain which I had never seen before. Maybe its the aroma of food in front of me that made every inch of nature so detailed to my eyes. The sun's radiant light covers the Earth and penetrated through the blue sky. Its reflection on the lake in the middle of the plain was an image of God's most beautiful painting. I stood along the borders and gazed upon a magnificent scenery as the breeze blew across my face and comforted my soul as it relieves my troubles and hunger. The tranquility of the sun had shown me a glimpse of heaven, and the sound of wind pressing against my fur made the scene all the more perfect. The scent of fresh air cleared my thoughts as I reminisce about mother's beauty, and, once again, I caught myself thinking of her.

What broke my thought was the snorting of the zebras whom were now enjoying the crystal-like water from the lake. At first, I wanted to dash out quickly to catch my prey out of surprise. However, I recalled the dream I made last night, I remembered the advice mother gave my. Patience. I have to be patient while hunting for my prey. As such, I lay hidden in the thicket bushes around me and stay as stealthily as possible while inching closer to my prey. Every step I took, the aroma of fresh meat would drift into my nostril while I resist the temptation to run out there to capture my prey.

I laid so still and silent beneath the ground-sweeping branches that birds came and pecked unconcerned among the ferns at my feet. Time dragged slowly by as I waited patiently for the right moment to spring onto the zebra which I had locked on in front of me. I admired the succulent meat on its thigh and thought of ways to savor the meat. Then I noticed that other birds were gathering around the zebras. This was enough to make my nerve tingle. Instinct had made these little creatures retreat warily in the zebras direction. "Would the zebras detect me?...Should I go for the kill now?" I asked myself repeatedly as my patience ran thin. Hunger took over me and I gave out a roar of battle cry. I ran out of my hiding as fast as I could towards my target. Though energy was depleting in my body, I had only one objective ï the zebra.

I was running. The whole world was still and I was running. Nothing existed but me and the zebra in front of me. The beats of my hopeful heart, and short breaths of mine were all I could hear. My throat was dry, my feats were shaking and they were weaker than ever. With every crazy beat of my heart, the black curtain in front of my eyes strengthened. I knew well enough that I was not far from falling apart.

Just as I was about to give up, I noticed the zebra in front of me buckled. "Am I imagining things?" I thought, as I examined the zebra. Just then, I spotted trails of fresh blood at my feat. I grew curious and examined the zebra ever more carefully. There it was, a huge gash of blood tainted its white snowy stripes. At that moment, I finally understood mother's advice on patience ï it was not to patiently wait for my prey, but to have patience while hunting and patiently examine the weakness of my prey. I immediately doubled my speed and pounced onto the zebra with every energy I had left in me. Sinking my vicious teeth into its neck, the zebra struggled mercilessly under my bloodied paws.

"THWART" the zebra twitched violently under my paws.

"Thwart" the zebra struggled and staggered for its last breath

Then, silence. The zebra laid motionless on the bloodied ground as I sink my teeth to tear away the first piece of meat. Patience is of the essence.

Thank you...