Posts by JamieB

JamieB

Nov 20, 2015

Undergraduate / Interests led me into Biomechanical Engineering - Common App Essay [7]

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

I love to classify myself as a sci-fi nerd. I love all things science fiction, from the movies to the graphic novels. I would often find myself cosplaying characters from the stories or discussing the complexity of BattleStar Galactica. People might call me obsessed and I don't mind. I wear it like a badge of honor because it is precisely this obsession that shaped me into who I have become and led me to pursue mechanical engineering.

Growing up my imagination soared with the superheroes like Spiderman, X-Men, and my favorite: Teen Titans. It was on Teen Titans where I discovered the character that influence my future career path. He was an amazing character known as Cyborg. He was a regular teen until he was in an accident that left him disfigured. The doctors were able to save him using bionic and mechanical parts. Although now part machine, he was able to lead his new kind of normal life. He was alive and thankful for it.

As a child Cyborg's story deeply intrigued me and I realized that without the biomechanical parts, Cyborg wouldn't be alive. I started wondering: If cyborg could live off mechanical parts then maybe it would also be possible for humans too. After noticing other things from science fiction shows being brought to life such as mobile communicators from Star Trek and 3d printing from the Jetsons, I became further convinced that it was possible to translate an object from fantasy to reality; to make the impossible, possible.

Over the years, this thought festered in the back of my mind, I was exposed to some engineering programs and building exercises. I found myself truly enjoying them as I already loved solving problems and learning how things behaved. I liked taking apart objects and trying to put them back together. While working on a medical device over the summer and wearing a Teen Titans shirt, it suddenly hit me. This is what I want I wanted to do, creating objects and focus my life on advancing medical devices.

This is why I want to study mechanical engineering and work with artificial limbs in the future. I also hope to neurally link a person's brain to their new limbs to make using it more comfortable and easier. My obsession and love for science fiction has led me to what I want to do and led me to my path today.

Hey so I need a little help revising and putting the essay together. Any piece of advice or criticism is welcome!!!

JamieB

Nov 22, 2015

Undergraduate / Interests led me into Biomechanical Engineering - Common App Essay [7]

Thanks!!! So do you think the essay properly answers the prompt and is good enough to send in? Or should I choose another topic?

JamieB

Nov 22, 2015

Undergraduate / Interests led me into Biomechanical Engineering - Common App Essay [7]

Thanks so much for the editing. You made what I was trying to say very clear. I was thinking of getting rid of the Doctor Who beginning but I thought that it drew the reader into my essay , but now that I look back on it it's not really needed. Thanks again!!

JamieB

Dec 3, 2015

Undergraduate / Nothing confused me more than downloading a file wirelessly -- Cornell Engineering Essay [4]

Hey!! I really liked your essay. I felt like it properly answered the prompt and explained very clearly on why your interest in computers led you to want to pursue computer engineering. But there's one part that bothered me a bit:

"One particular scene that engulfed my mind was the scene in which Mark Zuckerburg hacked Harvard's network to obtain pictures for his website that he was creating. ~~During the whole scene~~ Mark was explaining the process of hacking the websites. I was never so engrossed a film before; it was so foreign yet so intriguing."

I feel like because you pointed out the scene in the previous sentence there's no need to include it again. Perhaps you can say " I never been engrossed in a film before as when Mark was explaining etc etc." Or something along those lines. But besides that I thought it was pretty good. I really liked your conclusion.

JamieB

Dec 3, 2015

Undergraduate / What do you do? Why do you do it? (20-200 words). [6]

I think your answer properly answers the prompt. I think there will be different answers because the prompt gives you a lot of leeway on what you can write. If you feel like being a part of the Arista National Honor Society truly makes you happy and you are satisfied with it then it's good.

JamieB

Dec 3, 2015

Undergraduate / "Ok let's go!" - Yale essay: reflect on personal interests, experience [5]

Reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application. Could include personal interests. 500 word limit

Excitedly crouched at the starting line, my heart in my stomach and anticipation in the air. Seconds ticked on by when the leader finally called out.

"Ok let's go!"
We kicked our boards and zoomed down the lane. Or should I say that they sped off. I was lagging behind, shocked at how far they've gotten with one push. I watched in dismay as their backs behind smaller and smaller until they completely disappeared.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I was skating a lap around Prospect Park, all 526 acres, as part of an all girls skate event. I bought my board only months before and this was my debut into the skating world. I thought I would be able to keep up with everyone but the difference in experience and practice was abundantly clear. However I kept pushing, trying to keep up but pretty soon realized it was futile. They were long gone and I was alone. Rather than give up I toughed it out and skated, and was really glad I did because the journey was exhilarating.

I lived near the park all my life but I never realized how huge and beautiful it was. I rode through different neighborhoods, by people from different cultures, and on different size roads. I passed by wooden sculptures, several stages and huge fountains. As I neared the place that I recognized from my neighborhood, I realized how much I was missing from not branching out and going deep into the park before.

As I neared the meet up place dead last, knee stinging from a fall, and hair dripping with sweat underneath my helmet, I exclaimed with happiness. The other skaters were already chilling, passing around food, and chatting but I couldn't help but laugh and feel accomplished that I did it. I made it. Not long after I sat down I turned to my friend and exclaimed "Let's do that again". He shook his head in laughter and responded "Told you it was fun".

From that trip I've learned to be more sure of myself and trust in myself and balance. I also learned to never give up and to push through even when I fall or am too tired. Although I was way behind, I got to work on my technique and made some new friends on the way. Now I'm an active member of the longboarding community and can keep up when they skate. I even know a few tricks now and am gradually getting better at sliding. This experience has taught me to go out and venture out into new places. Since this event I visited several new places all over Manhattan and Queens, visiting skate shops and meeting new skaters.

[ I was thinking of adding something about how I wanted to continue this in college]
I really need help with this. Any piece of advice or criticism is welcome. Thanks again!!

JamieB

Dec 5, 2015

Undergraduate / "Ok let's go!" - Yale essay: reflect on personal interests, experience [5]

Ok so I worked on it a bit and now I'm unsure on how to end it. I added the two endings. Any piece of advice or criticism is welcome. Thanks again!!!!!

We gathered around the starting line, hearts in our stomachs and anticipation in the air. We stood still, holding our breathes when the leader finally shouted.

"Ok let's go!"
And we were off, zooming down the lane, and hollering in laughter. Or should I say that they took off. I was lagging behind, shocked at how far they've gotten with one push.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I was skating a lap around Prospect Park, all 526 acres, as part of an all girls skate event. I began skating only months before but this was the first time I was skating with other people. I knew that I was probably the newest skater but had that I'll be able to keep up with the crowd. However the difference in experience and practice became abundantly clear as I watched everyone disappeared in a matter of seconds. But rather than give up I toughed it out and skated, and was really glad I did because the journey was exhilarating.

Prospect Park is a well-known picnic spot for families but I never realized how huge and beautiful it was.I rode by beautiful wooden sculptures, wonderfully crafted stages and several volleyball matches. As I neared the place that I recognized from where I usually stayed when visiting Prospect, I realized how much I was missing from not branching out and going deep into the park before.

When I crossed the finish line an hour later, knee stinging from a fall, and hair dripping with sweat underneath my helmet, I was overjoyed. The other skaters were already chilling, passing around food, and chatting but I couldn't help but laugh and feel accomplished that I did it. Still giddy from the lap, I sat down, turned to my friend and exclaimed: "Let's do that again!"

From that trip I've learned to trust in my balance and myself. I have since gone back to Prospect to practice my pushing technique and even got some advice from experienced skaters. I've become a huge believer in perseverance and never giving up. Now I am an active member of the longboarding community and can now keep up with the other skaters during events. I even know a few tricks and am gradually getting better at sliding. Since my debut I ventured off and began exploring new places, visiting parks all over Manhattan and Queens. Longboarding has increased my confidence, made me happy, and led me into new, exotic places. I can definitely see myself doing it for as long as I live.

[Or with last two lines removed and this being the new paragraph}
Longboarding has increased my confidence, made me happy, and led me into new exotic places. Thus I hope to continue this in college and share this joy with other people. After a long week of classes, a couple of us could go skating and exploring the City of New Haven. We can teach each other tricks, bonding over our love for skating and our love for Yale.