Essays / *My dad's influence on me in sports and technology*--Common App [5]

It would be a nice idea for an essay. Make sure you write about how you got influenced by him and your interest grew further in that field. It would be good if you could post your essay here so someone could review it.

Letters / Absorbing breadth of knowledge to fulfil my background - motivation letter for Holland Scholarship [6]

... improve my artistic as well as academic accomplishment skills
For instance, based on my painting experience begun at five years old . I started painting at a very tender age of 5. I was among the top 10%, at the entrance exam of National Taiwan ...

... my learning curve of English is be a perfect example. As I was being gradually eager As a vociferous reader I read a lot, and gradually learnt to read without translations, I started to study English with an exceedingly concentrated a very strong willpower.

... I got improved from C to an A .
... a way of contributing to my family's budget income.

Recently I was selected to be a as a volunteer in ...
... see the Chinese culture and had the an opportunity to meet and interact with people from diverse linguistic and literary backgrounds since this centre has sometimes co-operates with Taiwan's Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

Undergraduate / 'I am very cosmopolitan and maximalist person' - Personal statement for Information Technology [3]

For the last two years I have been learning subjects, which has me to achieve an in-deep knowledge in the field of IT Technology and programming through which I have developed an in-depth understanding of Information Technology and programming. In school my favorite subjects are Mathematics, English and IT Technology Information Technology (or IT). Learning these subjects have helped me improve my analytical skills (Provide examples for the same). When I wrote my first computer program with Pascal I thought, that it is really easy, but step by step for me this seemed harder and harder. However, I did not give up, because I wanted to learn it. So,after lessons, long hours I tried to write various programs I was persistent and wrote intrinsic programs, which challenged me for long hours, but I didn't give up. The feeling when after long and hard work you get something working is unbelievable. And still now, I want to improve my learned skills and get new knowledge about IT Technology IT.

Writing Feedback / The Tendency of Rainfall and Temperature in Brasilia and Recife | IELTS Task 1 [2]

A breakdown of the number of precipitation amount of precipitation which is judged based on the factors ofinclude hours of sunshine absorption and days with thunder. and The measurement of temperature in Brasilia and Recife are presented in the both bar graphs. Overall , An overview of the bar chart shows more rainfall in Recife occurs from during April to August and while the opposite is observed during the rest of month occur in Brasilia .

At A maximum of 250 mm precipitation ...
However, this figure decrease decreases dramatically from ...
Yet,it the figure reveals recovery between ...
... show a similar trend in a that year, which hovers between 4 - 9 days.
... Brasilia has more months with the mercury dropping below 10 degree.

However, this rainfall average is at below 50 mm when January ...

Writing Feedback / Why People Choose Vegetarian Lifestyle? | IELTS Task 2 [3]

In recent years, vegetarian lifestyle is has been viewed as identical as similar to the harmony of life.
... deal of people prefer do to not consume meat and fish products.
... such behavior profoundly impact has a profound impact ...
... way to acquire balanceing with life, I would argue that this is an unacceptable method because since it would affect ...

... not consume these diets means are of the view that it is highly important to leave ...
... overfishing and over hunting action .

... fat which come from meatls and fish. This is because protein and fat could helps stabilize and ...
As a result, they become vulnerable to gain ailments.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Clothes become an indicator in people's characteristics [3]

... clothes are extremely important accessories part/component in some one's physical appearance.
... can reflect who they really people are.
... In my opinion, such this notion of appraising ...

Apparently, people assume clothing as is a reflection of their personality.
... tendency to keeping up with trends, for instance .

To illustrate, a woman who often use wears long skirt in her daily live life, is generally ...
In addition , Based on Gloria Fashion ...

A 2015 recent study bt Indonesian Corruption Watch study reveals that more than ...

Graduate / To serve the great nation of mine (India). Suggestion on the pros and cons of my personal statement [3]

Prithvi, I tried correcting some sentences. In the second para I didnt get the relation between how your values are related to getting admitted to some school. In para 3 remove the statement where you say you didnt work hard and didnt face any hardships, as you are contradicting yourself

... nation of mine (India) to become a happy country rather than a economic superpower, but ...
I decided realized creating new jobs is much better than finding one and this decision of mine will help me fulfill my purpose mentioned above.

... field of Management from an internationally (Write university name) recognized university such as yours which will equip me with required ...

Life is nothing without basic values scruples and this was I attained THEM in my school days where...
... basic sciences and mathematics which acted as a cradle for enhancEDing my academic knowledge and ...

multi-million DOLLAR project and I was given ...
I had to coordinate with my team of nine ...
... compromising the quality was the only alternative solution

When WITH more than half a decade of ...

Writing Feedback / Should only staff who have worked in a company for a long time be promoted to a higher position? [3]

Mai,
In para 1, you keep talking about how only experience can help you get promoted but the question asks whether experience in the same firm should get you promoted. Here you can talk about company culture and values that one gets, while working at the same company for a long duration.

In para 2
For example, in some companies the managers based assess the staff's quality on annual performance and development's reviews done by their supervisors.

ANNUAL TARGETS NEED TO BE SET FOR EMPLOYEES AND If those they are met, then the staff can be promoted, even if they are relatively junior