Undergraduate / The sky is the limit? No, it's just the beginning! University of Illinois Undergraduate Admission [4]

I think this essay is okay. I'm not sure what type words you would like to put in the spaces so I'm sorry I can't help with that.

Otherwise, it's interesting and it answers the prompt correctly.

Undergraduate / "education is the most powerful weapon..." United World Colleges Application Essay [3]

@vangiespen I hope this is better approach to the prompt.

To me, attending a United World College is the first step to improving my world. UWC has always struck me as a school perfect for a student who wishes to develop in character and learning.

I am of the opinion that my religion should not be a medium for hatred and terrorism but rather a means of spreading peace and harmony around the world. According to Nelson Mandela, "education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." I believe that with the education I would get from UWC, I would be able to continue to change the image people around the world have of my religion. I am a Muslim girl who has been trained in the Jesuit system of learning and I believe with the training from these two different religions I would be able to impact the lives of others. Using my culture and religion to impact people around me is something I have always longed to do and I believe a United World College is the perfect place to be to have the best opportunity to do so. I would write poems and other forms of literature, to show the positive sides of Islam and also to discourage fanaticism and I would teach others through the pillars of Islam and Jesuit education combined how to tolerate people with values different from theirs.

Writing Feedback / How do cars affect our life and what can we do to address the problems cars caused [3]

Hey @xdx24
There are some corrections you need to make to your essay.
Since Watt invented the steam engine, the industrial age
I don't think "and moving" should be added to your second sentence because traveling covers moving.
"Whereas, the problems that come along with cars have also risen onto the surface of the iceberg."
"...problems cars have caused"
" the waste of running a engine"
"For example, acid rain which can destroy natural habitats and affect food production."
"caused by excessively use of cars"
I think that in your last sentence in your third paragraph you should give a time frame of this increase. eg. within the past 4 years.

"Besides the effects on individuals, cars have transformed many countries as well; take the United Arab Emirates as an example ."
"selling oils "
"bus stops "
"into a gridlock"
"and etc " rather "and more "
"even though we can enjoy"
"still need to think of the aftermath"

Undergraduate / LEYSIN AMERICA SCHOOL, SWITZERLAND APPLICATION ESSAY [4]

thank you @justivy03.
I hope this is a better essay. I've added some more information and have taken to your corrections

Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela was a South-African anti-apartheid revolutionary, politician and philanthropist. In his fight for South-African freedom and self-rule, he endured a jail term of twenty-seven years until he was finally released. Shortly after his release, he became the President of South Africa for a one term tenure from 1994 to 1999 after which he handed political power over to President Thambo Mbeki.

Nelson Mandela fought for what he believed in most. He never gave up even in the times when his faith in humanity was sorely tested. he was ready to go to any extremes to be heard and given an opportunity to prove that all he was fighting for was worth it. Even after people had once believed in him had given up hope, he chose not. Eventually, he won his fight and restored hope in the lives of all South-Africans.

Nelson Mandela led a life similar to one which I would love to lead. I am a Muslim girl who is very concerned about the image people have of Muslims and Islam as a religion. Truly, Islam teaches submission to the will of Allah. However, I want to prove to the world at large that the will of Allah is not to take innocent lives with the excuse of securing a place in Paradise (Al-Jannah). I have a vision that someday, Muslims all over the world would be accepted and not first misjudged as threats to international security. He has taught to me to fight for what I most believe in and never give up until I have reached my goal. he has made me believe that optimism is my only option and that it is possible to positively alter a person or people's opinion of you through his saying, "No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than it's opposite

Undergraduate / "Doc! This one's about to die!". Caltech 'Unusual way in which you have fun' Essay. (200 Words) [4]

The essay is nice and interesting.
Was a word limit specified though. I think it may be too short for this type of prompt although it answers the prompt very correctly.