Writing Feedback / Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower - personal, local, or national [4]

Hey domenica suri

Here are my suggestions , I have highlighted some sentences too as I am not able to figure out what does that mean. If you can go through them once again to explain them more.

That's a quote that has beenhad a huge impact in my personal and professional life. If you follow in another footstep of another company or person you will never .................

This makesmade(you need to be focused on one tense, are you talking in past or present? ) me realize how powerful advertising was at attracting........

1. That's a quote that has been a huge impact in my personal and professional life. If you follow in another footstep of another company or person you will never generate any impact; or you will stay halfway of where you planned to be

.
2. I don't remember a national song that will stick in my head or a commercial.

Doesn't this line sounds incomplete?? ending in word commercial?

Also, do mention your prompt too when writing an essay for feedback. Good luck.

Writing Feedback / Some people think that computers are more of a hindrance than help in today's society [2]

Hi Ahmad

It is widely known that computers can be found everywhere nowadays, and occasionally they are an inevitable realm.(can you explain this phrase please and why you have mentioned this? Also make it simple, do not use the words if you are not sure about their usage: here inevitable realm sounds out of place)

..............

In supermarkets for example, computer eases tellers in accounting of purchasing or transaction, which result in decreasing number of lines(What kind of lines??? Be specific in your words.)

For this reason, a comfort of shoppers can always be ensured. It is thus an evident proof of why computers is a part of people life.

Ok at first I thought you are talking about accounting but then you say shoppers. So its a little bit haphazard when you say supermarkets, accounting and then to shoppers. Be specific and explain it little bit more. I am not able to figure out the main point in this para?? Or make it into two different advantages or try to be consistent and do not mix the words.

However, this does not mean that computers cannot be a barrier in the way people ranrun their life. Firstly, a habit inof using computers for writingtypingcausesmake people be lazy in applying handwritingmanual handwriting , so without computer people prefer for not writing instead????? (In my opinion even typing is a bigger task for lazy people. You can write some other drawbacks instead of writing as it is not sounding like a strong reason for me. You have many other reasons, people feel lazy to work as everything is stored in computer now like phone numbers or records) .

Furthermore, various tools equipped in computers attracts people in wasting their time.
These are not tools rather use the word software or hardware or applications.

Abundant games and other application installed in computers prompts users to stay home and neglect their main responsibilities(responsibilities like?? give examples) for their family and job. Not only this, computers even threat people future in acute dependence, and therefore they are less interaction each other.

What do you mean by this line??? acute dependence? I see that you tried to use many new words but this will make your essay look dull if you are not sure about their usage. So keep it simple which will make your essay look good)

....You have some good points but usage of words in wrong manner has made your essay little bit confused. Hope this helps

Writing Feedback / Pros and cons opinions that young people should take a work early after they finish their schools [2]

Hi Linda. The 3rd para about disadvantage is very well written. Below are my suggestions
These days, it is pros and cons opinion that young people should take a work early after they finish their schools and before attending university.

... there are any benefits and weaknesses about it. whether young people should ...

... young aged will increase knowledge and rises raises real life experience to of the juveniles itself as they grt involvedinvolve in real society. In addition, they learn many things in real environment such as how to behave with other people and learning to cope with problemsa problem in a job.

... he has worked since he iswas young. He developeddevelops some business through trial and error until he cracked a successful business ofreaches the one of success business, property development. Experience in real life taughtteaches him to be a successful personsuccess people, and his company is ...

There is undoubtedly that working at young aged age brings an advantage.

However, there is any disadvantage if juvenile taketakes a decision to work rather than entering to the university. Most of them tend to continue their works ....