Undergraduate / Describe the world you come from (Korea, Hong-Kong) - UC ESSAY PROMPT [NEW]

Hi
This is my first draft of the UC prompt
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Plz give feedbacks and emphasize what needs to be fixed! thank you! :D

Although I was born in Korea, I have spent a significant portion of my life in Hong Kong. Life in Hong Kong has been a unique, cherishing experience that has exposed me to diverse cultures of the world. Ever since I started attending an international school at the age of nine, my perspective of the world changed dramatically. I was able to witness daily the effects of cultural globalization that has intertwined the cultures worldwide together. It was a fascinating experience that truly made me feel as an "international" student. At that time, I did not realize the influences these experiences and memories would have on one the most important decisions in my life.

I first began to dream of going to a university abroad when I first visited the University of Hong Kong in year eleven. My dad had reserved a university tour for our family to convince me to go HKU. When I first arrived at the campus, I immediately knew that HKU was not the right university for me. My dad thought I would like HKU because of its similarity to the culture I was familiar with throughout my life. I would have agreed with him had it not been for the international school experience I had received throughout my education. I greatly desired foreign cultures and diversity because of my desire to explore foreign cultures. I wanted a university that had truly had an international community bustling with life and diversity. University experience is once in a lifetime experience, and I wanted it to make it unique. My education has opened me up to different cultures of the world and greatly altered my perspective of the world. Hence, I opted to study at a university which would allow me to experience diversity and yet at the same time also explore a completely foreign culture.

Yet, my aspiration of becoming successful in my intended field of study did not culminate due to my academic interest or experiences. It was my dad who shaped my aspiration. While I was in middle school, my dad quit his respectable position at Samsung in order to allow me to continue my education. He was supposed to be transferred back to Korea for his new position in the main company. Yet, he knew that if I were to switch to Korean education at that crucial moment I would be unable to cope with it and hence ruin my education. My dad wanted me to succeed in life because he himself experienced the hardships of poverty when he was young. Hence, he sacrificed his job for my future. I knew how hard it was for him to resign; that was his first and only job for 22 years. It was his second home, but he sacrificed it for me. Ever since, I aspired to become successful in my field, because I do not want to make my dad's sacrifice worthless. I want to repay him back and make him proud, by showing him the results and the worth of his selfless act.

There are many factors that influence our dreams and aspirations. Yet, nothing can be as influential as one's personal experiences. As for me, my experiences so far have me realize my path in life and my dreams and desires. Although the path ahead of me may be turbulent, I will work persistently with effort to achieve my aspirations not only for my dad, but also for my personal success.

Undergraduate / Who or what had an influence on you - about the common application essay [5]

okay...
i got 2 weeks of holiday left
and i'm panicking :(
could you tell me if the essays are okay?

common app essay
Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

There are many people in our lives who influence the world around them and alter the course of history. Lord Wellington was among them; he was a great British general that led the European coalition to victory during the Napoleonic Wars. He was as talented as a tactician as he was as a politician, a person who possessed all the necessary attributes to become a global leader. It was he who changed the way I perceived the world. His influence on me was significant, to the extent that I aspired to become like him.

I first came across Lord Wellington while I was reading the famous Sharpe Series by Bernard Cornwall. Although the whole series mainly consists of Sharpe's perspective and experiences of the wars in Europe and India, the novel does offer some insights into Lord Wellington's personality and attributes. Throughout the series, Lord Wellington is depicted as a leader who is able to put on calm demeanor in times of crisis. I was thoroughly impressed and awed by his actions at Waterloo, where it was stated that he rode his horse among soldiers with a calm expression on his face even though his Dutch allies fled from the battlefield. I greatly admired his cool composure, and his effective ability to prevent panic grasps him. He did not panic because he knew that panic would only aggravate the situation. Instead, he began to think rationally and tried to control the problem. His act taught me valuable lessons, as he conveyed through his act that the ability to keep a calm composure during problems will enable me to think rationally and handle the issue on hand. In essence, he greatly influenced my ability to respond to problems. As such, I aspire to acquire the attributes that Lord Wellington possessed, since it will greatly aid me in becoming a great leader like him.

Beyond his calm demeanor in times of crisis, Lord Wellington also possessed a great leadership that could inspire everyone to perform at his or her best ability. Only a few people in the world have the ability to inspire people into action. Lord Wellington provided that leadership for the people, and inspired hope within them even times of hardship. When his battered army at Waterloo was about to be overwhelmed by the French forces, Lord Wellington rode his horse among the men and gave the celebrated order "Up guards, and at'em". This simple authoritative order combined with his charisma was enough to inspire hope and courage in the forlorn British troops. His strong leadership was able to change cowering men into soldiers. Had Lord Wellington not provide that leadership for his troops, his troops would have been leaderless and lost. It is this attribute that I admire the most in Lord Wellington, because he greatly altered my way of perceiving leadership. Before I read about Lord Wellington, I thought leadership was the ability to lead groups and accomplish tasks effectively. Now, I realize that is only a small fraction of what constitutes true leadership. True leadership is when one is able to inspire hopes into others even in times of darkness and initiate action. Lord Wellington possessed that true leadership, and that leadership made his troops unbeatable throughout the whole Napoleonic Wars. I greatly desire his leadership because I aspire to become one of those who are able to make a difference in everyone's lives. Many people in my life have provided leadership for me in times of hardship and helped to restore my confidence and abilities. I now want to repay back the debt by leading the path for others in times of darkness and become the one who is able to restore their hope and faith.

In addition, Lord Wellington conveyed to me through his actions the value of persistence in life. During the Peninsular Wars ( 1807 - 1814), Lord Wellington and his army could not advance beyond the Iberian Peninsula due to the French forces. Although there were numerous campaigns and battles Lord Wellington had led and won, he was still at stalemate with the French forces for nearly seven years. Although his forces were outnumbered, Lord Wellington never lost courage and fought courageously against the overwhelming enemy and managed to achieve victory every time. He suffered times of hardship, and experienced with his troops the harsh winters of Spain and the sorrows that battle always brought to the bereaved. Yet, he was steadfast in his determination and did not waiver. It was this persistence that eventually led to his triumph at 1814, when he finally began to advance towards Paris. Through his admirable determination and persistence, Lord Wellington showed to me the value of persistence in life. He showed that nothing was impossible in life, and also taught me that hard effort and adherence to my goals would allow me to overcome any obstacles I may face in the future. I also realized that that commitment and persistence was a necessity in every aspect of my life. I revere Lord Wellington significantly more than others because it was he who made me realize the possibility of studying abroad. Before I met him, I denied myself the option of studying abroad because of the difficulty of obtaining a job as a foreigner after graduation. Although I am not strongly confident about my future, I am now willing to give it my best effort because I realize now that without effort, there can be no success.

Lord Wellington is an admirable hero who helped to shape the world we now live in today. His achievements were so great that the city of Wellington in New Zealand was dedicated to his title. During his time, many viewed him as the emancipator who liberated the Europeans from Napoleon. He was a celebrated hero who enhanced the livelihood of the people. Just as the Europeans admired him for liberating their country, I admire him now today for showing me the personal qualities I need to progress in life. As such, he is my hero, my role model, and my teacher.