Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: young people are more creative than older people in business or in the workplace [4]

Some people claim that young people are more creative than older people in business or in the workplace.
Do you agree or diagree with this?
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Nowadays, in our modern society, it is a common belief that elder workers are much less creative than those who are younger or new in business. This strange and absurd point of view had caused many companies and industries to discard experienced and skillful workers just because they are old. Both young and old people contribute to our society in different ways.

These days, the young are favored by many companies for their excellent ability to deal with the most sophiticated technologies, which allows them to catch up the newest aspects. They are also generally open minded and tends to adopt and develop new ideas. What is more, they are mostly well experienced in computers and other modern gadgets which help them develop necessary skills in using hardware or software to produce amazing pieces of work. However, young people usually are irresponsible or unreliable since they lack responsibilities such as paying tax, managing family spendings or a family to take care of. They often find excuses like "sickness" to have a few days off, making them untrust worthy.

Older workers, on the other hand, are more experienced for all the lessos they gathered from their earlier days. They are known to be considerate and wise for they has solved problems in life. Many old people had to support their children's economy and managing their own so they are much more responsible. Nevertheless, they lack the skills and ability to adapt to changes which makes them less creative and fear to take risks or challenges.

To sum up, everyone is good but in different aspects. It is our job to help workers rise to their full potential.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL IBT Independent Writing: Owning smart phones or not? Your point of view [3]

Could anybody review and correct it for me? Thank you very much!

Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

Easy access to smartphones

Nowadays, technological advances has improved many older or replace outdated inventions. These changes includes enabling cell phones to access the Internet. Many considers it useful for communication and hand these smart phones to children, mostly at school age. This - however - is very harmful to children and can cause serious damage if children are not properly guided.

Firstly, if children are given access to these smart phones at school age, it may interfere with the students' ability to study effectively. Since these phones can connect to the Internet, students might get distracted by games and online videos. For instance, a student who fell victim to the distractions of the Internet may receive grades that are worse than their usual performance. This is why parents should not give children access to smart phones at an early age since it distract children away from learning.

Secondly, children can be tempted to use these phones in a long period of time which can cause damage to their eyes. Without proper monitoring, they can spend hours online reading, playing games or watching videos. In several cases, the children's' eyesight were severely damage and sometimes, the damage proves irreversible. Many of my classmates would spend hours at night online or just staring at the bright smart phone screens for a prolonged period of time. The consequence was not pretty as nearly every one of them had has their phones confiscated and must wear glasses.

Finally, some would argue that smart phones could grant children an easy way to communicate. But the same would hold true for much cheaper cell phones that cannot access the Internet. The main function of communicating with others is basically the same with every phones so there are no reasons for parents to waste money on an expensive smart phone that their children can easily abuse.

In general, I disagree with parents who gives children smart phones because of all the distractions, eye damage and the fact that regular phones can also be used to communicate. There is no reason for parents to waste such a large amount of money on cell phones for children at such a young age.